Bachelor Clayton Recap: Holy Shirts and Pants

Bachelor Clayton Recap | Episode 3

When we last left Clayton, he was participating in a literal fireside chat with Jesse Palmer, asking the new host if a bachelor had ever taken back a rose before. Having been groomed for this moment, Palmer retorts a quick response that has become a staple in Bachelor Nation since Hotter Than Crap Brad decided not to propose to anyone at the end of his season.

There are no rules. 

With this permission in mind, Clayton requests a private audience with Cassidy, who has been waving her long-stemmed rose under the faces of any woman who dare make eye contact. Ever the prepared contestant, Cassidy tries to nip this altercation in the bud by preemptively claiming she knows EXACTLY what Clayton will say. 

Because Clayton is mostly a sweater-filler, it doesn’t occur to him to ask Cassidy to explain herself. I, for one, would love to know what Cassidy was going to say. Did she steal something from Lizzie McGuire’s house? Would she paint a helpless picture of this target that’s on her back because she has such an amazing connection with Clay-en? What if she admitted that she’s really a brunette but dyed her hair since blondes have more fun?

Clayton questions the woman before him.

Clay-en: “Were you seeing someone before the show?”
Cassidy: “I haven’t been in a relationship since 2019.”

Interesting technique. According to Sierra, and roughly ten seconds of footage ABC can roll at any time, Cassidy did see someone before the show. She saw ALL of him, and he saw ALL of her.

Clay-en: “You weren’t talking to a guy right before you came here?”
Cassidy: “I have not spoken to a guy with who I have had a relationship with for a very long time.”

Ah. There’s her out. Notice Cassidy keeps using the label “relationship” when speaking about this union. Since this dude is a random hook-up, devoid of any emotional feelings or desires to be anything but a good time, Cassidy feels she can erase this blip in the radar. And the best way to do that is by deflecting onto the other person!

Cassidy: “DO YOU NOT BELIEVE ME?!”
Clay-en: “So you didn’t FaceTime a guy days before you stepped out of the limo?”

Cassidy realizes Clay-en is unrelenting in his quest for a confession. So she gives him one. 

Cassidy: “Okay, so there’s a friend of mine who does want a relationship but thinks it’s cool I’m doing this, so he wanted me to get in touch with him when I get back if this doesn’t work out. But it doesn’t matter because I like you!”

At this news, Clayton takes some time alone. Cassidy runs upstairs to fake cry, buying all the time she can muster to figure out the next steps. She decides honesty is the best policy since, you know, this is a national show that is watched by millions. People in this world actually know her, including Random Hook-Up Guy, who probably is making a deal with Reality Biff as I type this sentence.

The ABC Intern offers Clayton a power bar, tries to fix his hair and ushers him up to a forlorn Cassidy perching on the edge of a bathtub. 

Cassidy: “So there was this guy I slept with a few times over a few months. But from the minute I met you, I already knew I was falling into something. I don’t want this to harm what we’ve started.”
Clayton: “Right now, there are too many concerns. My biggest fear is that I would fall for someone who wasn’t here for the right reasons.”

Cassidy: “Are you sending me home? Because NO ONE in the house is as excited about you as I am.”
Clayton: “I think it’s best if you leave. And please give back the hair clip you stole so I can return it to Lizzie.”

Cassidy cries all the way to the rejection limo. I’m not sure if it’s because she lost Clayton, lost the game, lost the souvenir she swiped, or if she’s upset that a random person will be packing her suitcase and will more than likely forget half of her athleisure that is strewn about the bedroom.

Clayton rushes his ladies through the rose ceremony process and quietly tells Kate, Tessa, and Ency good luck as he rushes them out the door with Cassidy. The remaining ladies rejoice that Cassidy is gone, and the house will be drama-free!

Cut to Shanae. How her eyeballs managed NOT to get stuck in the back of her head is a miracle in and of itself.

FIRST GROUP DATE
“I See You”

After almost twenty years in production, I guess it was inevitable that the showrunners would eventually suffer from senioritis. It’s the only explanation as to why Clayton’s ladies are asked to divulge their deepest, darkest secrets in a sharing circle, led by the incomparable Kaitlyn Bristowe. 

I’m not too fond of these dates. We learn too much, too soon. I understand this is an escalated process, but shouldn’t we discover Mara’s favorite meal before hearing that she had three wicked stepsisters and she was a real-life Cinderella? Or that most of these women have body issues? 

I would say, however, that I would take the sharing circle all day long if it meant we didn’t have to see Clayton in another hoodie/blazer combo. Heaven help us. And Clayton. And the person who told him to wear this. Twice in two weeks.

Clayton doles out all sorts of validation at the cocktail party. He tells Serene that she’s beautiful on the inside and outside. He thanks Susie for opening up about her struggles with body image. And he praises Eliza as they both stand in an ornate full-length mirror, just like the one we read about in Harry Potter. 

Eliza gets the date rose and is politely congratulated by the remaining women. This date was brought to you by the letters boring and blah because Shanae was not on it. 

ONE-ON-ONE
Sarah
“Falling in love is full of surprises.”

I know, I know, I’m asking myself the same thing, too. Who is Sarah? 

All I know is that she’s young and willing to run around a Los Angeles park in her sensible black underwear. The bigger question is, “Why is Becca Kufrin running this date?” Who knows?

The underwear date consisted of a scavenger hunt. Yes, both Matt James and Katie did this, so I’m glad we are saving the planet by reusing previous date materials.

Sarah doesn’t stand out much, which may make her the perfect match for Clay-en. 

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, Elizabeth slaves over boiling 20 pieces of shrimp for the 22 women lounging by the pool. Shanae takes eight shrimp from the bowl and doesn’t look back. It’s not a baller move. The woman just assumed Elizabeth made enough for the entire group. This will come back to bite both women in the butt later. 

Across town, Clayton and Sarah wander around the Van Gogh exhibit. Sarah is adopted and feels that it’s essential always to feel love and recognition. Somehow that transitions into a charge for the viewing audience to always say yes to things, including if you ever get the opportunity to go on national TV to meet and marry a man in eight weeks. 

Clayton gives her the rose, and they dance as an orchestra plays soft music in the background. I wonder which up-and-coming musical artist had to cancel their once-in-a-lifetime debut on The Bachelor because of COVID? 

SECOND GROUP DATE
Starring Nicole Eggert

I thought it was darling how this brood of women in high-cut, red one-piece swimsuits giggled likes school children as Nicole Eggert barked out life-saving tips. You know, falling in love is a lot like rescuing drowning people on Baywatch. You have to be assertive. Passionate. Full of hot hair. 

After making the women run in slow motion, Nicole ignores Shanae’s huge ten-minute public display of affection (climbing Clayton’s massive body like a jungle gym and performing vertical mouth-to-mouth). Instead, she chooses Gabby as the lucky lady to win alone time with our bachelor. They make out at dusk in the lifeguard stand.

That night at dinner, everyone competes for Clayton’s attention. Rachel, the pilot, needs some validation, and she gets it when Clayton licks his lips and sticks his tongue down her throat. 

Gabby feels horrible that their super-special time together resulted in a severe sunburn all over Clayton’s freshly shaven chest and shoulders. She spends her time slathering aloe vera on his beet-red skin. 

And then there was Shanae. Bless. It. 

Shanae tells Clay-en that Elizabeth is still “on her back.” Although we thought the issue was squashed between these two, it appears that Shanae now feels bullied by Elizabeth. Through two well-timed tears, Shanae tells Clay-en that this toxic environment might be interfering with her relationship with him. 

She uses the words “victimized” and “scary” before making out with him again, stirring up all those pheromones and sending him off to have a word with Elizabeth. 

Poor Elizabeth is dumbfounded. She has no idea what Clayton is talking about and begins defending herself to the best of her ability. Elizabeth reminds the bachelor that she is kind, compassionate and even made this woman lunch the other day!

Then she begins to cry wildly. Her face scrunches up into a ball, and she hiccups as she wonders out loud how she can have a conversation with him when all he does is question her behavior? 

Tears scare Clayton. So he pats Elizabeth on the head and asks her to get back to enjoying the party. This is the third conversation Elizabeth has shared with Clayton, if anyone is counting. In two of those, she’s been defending herself. Methinks she’s not getting a rose, or she self eliminates this next rose ceremony.

Back at the gathering couch, the tall blonde one from Houston returns to the fold, looking like she’s about to cry. Sierra asks how her time with Clayton went and if she’s okay?

Barbie Girl: “Does anything think I’ve bullied Shanae?”

Oh, this just keeps getting better!

Shanae walks up, ready to go to battle with the crybabies. She lets the entire group know that she does feel bullied and that Elizabeth is the evil leader who hates competition. Although Shanae can’t entirely reveal any particular example of this alleged bullying, she does know it’s happening. Boo to all the fake and two-faced rhymes-with-witches! 

We shall see what happens! Do you think Elizabeth is out? Has she even had enough time to secure any sort of connection with Clayton? Or will there be one more week of Shrimpgate!?

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Teri
Teri
January 27, 2022 6:22 pm

I’m all for some catty drama, but abusive hostility is not cool.

Chloe
Chloe
January 27, 2022 6:46 pm

After watching my prerecorded Bachelor episode, the real wait is on. When will Lincee post her recap? That is the real treat of the week. Thanks so much for your wonderfully funny (and brutally accurate) recaps. You are the best! Now I get to look forward to you and Some Guy – what a great combo. One question. How did Sarah fit that black bra under her tiny sundress?

Nikki
Nikki
January 27, 2022 7:46 pm

I cannot for the life of me understand why Clayton doesn’t ask Shanae to be more specific and why he doesn’t ask the other girls if there’s ‘bullying.’ If I were a Elizabeth, I think I’d be done w this!

Julie
Julie
January 28, 2022 10:25 am
Reply to  Nikki

Clayton doesn’t have the bandwidth to think bigger picture….

Ana
Ana
February 16, 2022 1:12 pm
Reply to  Nikki

Shanae can’t be specific because that kind of bullying is really subtle. Ignoring you, giving you looks and making sure you’re excluded. It’s a mean girl vibe. Not saying shanae was being nice but all of them ganging up on her wasn’t pretty either

Chrissy
Chrissy
January 27, 2022 8:16 pm

First, Lincee, look forward to your recaps more than the actual shows anymore! What’s Clayton’s problem that he takes Shanae’s word for every nasty thing she says? Maybe ask EVERY OTHER GIRL about her? And you nailed it on Sarah – who? They are trying to create drama with first Cassidy and now Shanae because this season has become a giant yawn. And if I hear the work “like” one more time…

Bonnie L Krueger
Bonnie L Krueger
January 28, 2022 8:37 am
Reply to  Chrissy

Like, I know, right? I am shocked at how much these grown-ass women say this word. Is it nerves or just typical of their generation? It drives me nuts!

Dee
Dee
January 28, 2022 9:54 am

Agreed. A couple of girlfriends and I were talking about this season and wondering if we are getting old (51, so, yes) or if the contestants are getting more annoying. We decided both. The “like” thing kills me.

Michelle
Michelle
February 4, 2022 2:36 pm
Reply to  Dee

“We decided both” – ha!! I’ve been wondering about this too and I think you’re right!

Maribeth
Maribeth
January 29, 2022 12:21 am

It’s a maturity thing. I remember when my teenagers used the work “like” all the time when they were struggling to find their words.

April
April
January 28, 2022 7:53 am

HAHA! Always look forward to reading your recap!! I’ll watch “sweater filler Clay-en” to see who he picks, *yawn*. Still fun to watch and keep the funny recaps coming!!

Karen
Karen
January 28, 2022 10:45 am

I hope Elizabeth gets a spot in Paradise for this. She’s been targeted by a clearly crazy person, and her chances on the show obliterated. I feel bad for her.

Cathy
Cathy
January 28, 2022 12:56 pm

Was excited to finally read your recap Lincee! Loved the Lizzie hair clip reference and pointing out some random would be packing Cassidy’s suitcase!

Maribeth McFaul
Maribeth McFaul
January 29, 2022 12:18 am

This has been one of the. It’s disappointing seasons of Bachelor ever. Clay-en doesn’t seem to have the band width to navigate the drama. Cassidy and Shenane are obviously plants. What woman in her right mind would behave like that? Cameras rolling they act like “rhymes with witches.” What do they think Clay-en would feel watching this nonsense?

Scavenger hunt in the middle
of LA in their “underwear”? Are you kidding me? If there are no rules I would REFUSE to participate in that nonsense! But hey, they learned how to be vulnerable and “like” trust each other in that scenario.

Thanks for the recap!! Hahahaha

Libby
Libby
February 1, 2022 8:06 am

They act like this because they want to get followers and get on paradise. They’re not plants but they don’t have any intention of getting engaged to Clayton.

Meg
Meg
January 30, 2022 12:35 pm

Can we talk about a group of beautiful, size 2, young and fit women and a super fit guy like Clayton sitting around crying about their body image issues, and ABC recognizing this might be triggering for viewers and giving a disclaimer/warning… then all donning red swimsuits and running around the beach like faux Baywatch lifeguards and through the streets in their underwear? Just really not sure what ABC is trying to stand for here in terms of body image. And still no disclaimer, trigger warning, or apology for airing someone routinely, overtly making fun of a mental health disorder. The Bachelor producers just can’t quite get this stuff right.

Chloe
Chloe
January 31, 2022 12:38 pm
Reply to  Meg

I never looked at like that. I agree with everything you said. However, it is not so much that they can’t get it “quite rightl” it is that they get it totally wrong. Sad, because I used to really enjoy this show, and still love these recaps.

Phil
Phil
February 3, 2022 2:31 am
Reply to  Meg

Cue Clayton saying that he got over his body issues not by learning to accept and love himself, but by changing his body into a more desirable body. Super healthy outlook right there. “Hate your fat self? Yes. Yes you should. Now get in the gym disgusto! And if that doesn’t work, because I don’t know, maybe you have other responsibilities or underlying health issues, well then keep hating yourself until the day you die.”

Valeri
Valeri
February 4, 2022 2:20 pm

Did you see the end Lincee? Elizabeth did go home. Assuming you feel asleep and missed it from pure boredom with this season which might be more boring than Melba Toast’s season! 😀

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