Bachelor Clayton Recap | Episode 7

Did I watch a fourth of this episode with my thumb firmly pressed on the fast-forward button? Maybe. But that didn’t stop me from having a fine time witnessing Clayton almost self-destruct at the word “performance” as he pulled at his tight-fitting turtleneck in Vienna. Clayton fully embraces the mantra that many bachelors and bachelorettes adopted in the last decade by not playing by the rules and flippantly discarding those on the cast roster. 

Is it the middle of a date? Who cares! YOU’RE OUTTA HERE!

Are you feeling randy at the cocktail party? Guess what? YA GONE!

It all started with Sarah’s TED Talk after returning home from her one-on-one date with Clay-en. She casually sways her perfect red rose, addressing the remaining group of women with an air of passive-aggressiveness that would make Mariah Carey put down her champagne glass and applaud. Sarah wants to know exactly which woman thought they could tear her down.

Mara does a good job looking innocent. Gabby does an excellent job of not passing out. Everyone looks straight ahead, afraid to move or speak. When Sarah reminds them what a blessing she’s been to the group, the vein in Mara’s head pops. She admits that she told Clayton it wasn’t fair that Sarah received two one-on-one dates when others haven’t received any. 

Sarah explains in short, complete sentences that she’s the totes. She also makes sure everyone knows that our bachelor thinks sabotaging his relationship with Sarah is “someone’s last-ditch effort who thinks they are going home.” Sarah all but executes a herkie before bounding off to her room.

Later at the cocktail party, Mara calls Sarah out for being insensitive and over-the-top. She’s fed up that Sarah is acting like Clayton is a trophy to be won and the rest of the women are the “in-between” before she and Clayton get engaged. Mara warns Sarah that she’s getting sloppy, she’s manipulative, and it’s only a matter of time before he sees it. 

Or a psychoanalyst tells him. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

I’m glad Mara had a lovely swan song before Clayton kicked her to the curb with Eliza not far behind.

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE
Susie

The group travels to Vienna, and Susie receives the coveted Cinderella date. You all know the song and dance behind this trope. Clay-en takes her to a boutique where she is gifted with a dozen dresses and 17 pairs of Louboutins. Then she has the opportunity to try on a bunch of designer gowns but isn’t allowed to keep any of them. It’s just fun dressing up! 

Next, Susie is instructed to parade her packages around in front of the ladies, careful to show them the signature red bottoms of her Loubs. Mr. Carson arrives with one of those “you can’t purchase these” ballgowns, and Susie is whisked away to eat, drink, and be merry with her man. 

Finally, the pair hop into a DeLorean set for 1986 and share a private concert with an old man who turns out to be the infamous Chris de Burgh as he serenades our couple with his massive hit, “Lady in Red.”

Did Mr. de Burgh whisper, “I love you” at the end of the song as he did when he originally recorded 36 years ago? Yes. Yes, he did. Did Genevieve declare that Susie was a real-life princess going to meet her prince? Yes. Yes, she did. 

Question: Susie’s dad is the king of what country? Anyone?

GROUP DATE

Sigmund Freud is from Austria, so when in Austria, do as deceased neurologists do. Now I know Vienna has one of the most superior opera houses in the world, but these jokers need to be psychoanalyzed before they need culture. Someone must dig into their deepest fears, emotions, and anxieties hidden in their subconscious minds. 

To couple’s therapy!

Four of the five ladies nearly swallow their tongues when they hear that an Austrian stranger will be Freuding them. Gabby is first and learns that she should be grateful to feel so deeply. Teddi is second and learns that her vulnerability draws Clayton in. It’s a good thing.

Genevive enters the room next and proceeds to say nothing. She doesn’t like talking about feelings or explaining herself in front of other people. With every question asked, Genevieve answers, “I don’t know.” Look at all those walls! How will they ever come down?

Clayton escapes the room, taking Genevieve with him, and gently reminds her that hometowns are the next week, and he doesn’t see how he can ask her to join him when it’s Fort Knox staring back at him. Genevieve jumps at the chance to agree with him, pointing out that they have run out of time. I’ve never seen her relax as much as she did when he put her in the Viennese rejection SUV. 

The women are shocked to learn that Genevieve is gone. Clayton wisely makes it sound like their goals and psychos didn’t line up, therefore, the Freudian lady sent her home. Rachel is super nervous for her session but passes with flying colors because she respects Clayton and trusts him completely.

And then there was Sarah, who giddily greeted the psychoanalyst. Sarah loooooooves couple’s therapy and proceeds to explain all the ways her connection with Clayton is strong and secure. Even though the other women have placed a target on her back, she doesn’t mind. She is ready to get engaged, and she’s more confident in her relationship than ever before. 

The Freudian lady lines the women up and boldly tells Clayton that one of them was performing. Then she walks away.

WHO? WHO WAS PERFORMING? I mean, we know it’s Sarah, but is she just going to leave them all hanging? 

YES! SHE IS GOING TO LEAVE THEM ALL HANGING!

Obviously, Teddi, Rachel, and Gabby know it’s Sarah who is acting, and they make a pact to tell Clayton their true feelings if he asks them during the cocktail party. 

And, of course, he asks each of them during the cocktail party! 

When Rachel tells Clayton that she’s considered quitting because Sarah claims to already have this in the bag, Clayton becomes stoic. He turns a little angry when Rachel further informs him that Sarah manipulates everyone so they will pull away from him. Gabby confirms this theory, and Teddi seals the deal. 

Clayton bumbles over to Sarah and asks for a private audience. Does she think it’s her and no one else? Is she telling people that he’s already made his decision?

Sarah denies it all. Clearly, these women are jealous because she received two one-on-ones. That’s when everything changed. Before then, she was everyone’s BFF. There are necklaces to prove it. 

The nail in Sarah’s coffin is when she tries to eke out some tears. I didn’t expect Clayton to notice, but he does. Sarah is quick to tell him that she’s all out of tears because she’s been crying so much. Clayton looks her in the eyes and says, “I’m sorry. I just don’t believe you. I think we’re done. We can’t move forward. I would like to walk you out.”

Do I need to cut wheat from my diet, or did Clayton just make a decision without having to leave the room to think about it? Or did Lady Freud tell him hours ago, and he had a handler role play that moment? Either way, bravo! Somewhere in a singles bar in New Jersey, Mara is buying the house a round of tequila shots. 

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE

Y’all. All I wrote down for this date was the following:

• Tour Vienna
• Hot chestnuts
• Baby bird the chestnuts
• Polka
• Clayton doesn’t know how to count to three
• Serene is falling in love with Clayton
• She gets the rose

I promise you my list is more exciting than the date. 

ROSE CEREMONY

Along with Stacie and Serene, who received the date roses on their one-on-ones, Clayton must choose who to send home among Rachel, Gabby, and Teddi. And our fearless bachelor decides it’s too much pressure to meet the father of the virgin, so he sends Teddi to the airport to catch a ride with Genevieve and Sarah. 

Teddi is sad. She will do well in Paradise.