Bachelor Grant Recap | Episode 4

As the camera pans over the remnants of last week’s episode’s awkward prom, I can’t help but wonder if the ABC Intern is irritated that he has to pick up deflated balloons and schlep shiny photo backdrops to the prop closet of the mansion. Was it worth it to jump into the pool’s deep end to retrieve discarded plastic tiaras? Probably not. 

But I imagine the ABC Intern doesn’t mind too much. We are all in this for the love story. We want the guy to fall for the girl. In our mind’s eye, she’s not in a matadora outfit from the sketch section of Spirit Halloween, but beggars can’t be choosers when it comes to soulmates. 

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelors on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE
DINA

Jesse breaks the news to the women that Grant is no longer in LA. As the women cling to their remaining dignity, and each other, the gaggle screams with glee to hear they have one hour to pack. They’re going to Madrid!

Before the ladies arrive, Grant and Uncle Jesse play a quick basketball game before sharing a bench for some good old-fashioned menoring. Jesse’s advice is clear. Things are about to get real. Focus on the ah-ha moments. And don’t tell one girl you’re thinking about her while dancing with another one. If Grant manages all those things, he’s golden. 

Our bachelor finds the ladies “cheers-ing” to finding love in Madrid with glasses full of sangria. When he chooses Dina to join him for the traditional “explore the city” date, half the women get trashed. 

Dina, looking fab in monochromatic ecru shorts and top, tries not to brag that she’s been to Spain a dozen times. Grant is fascinated by her beauty, intelligence, and driven nature. The facade cracks slightly when the pair stumble upon a “random” group of boys playing soccer in the street. I’m unsure why Dina insisted on keeping her leather jacket draped over her shoulders as she kicked the ball around. I’m assuming her blouse was backless, and that felt scandalous. 

Dina admits that she’s been known as an Ice Queen but I admire her willingness and ability to try her best to let those walls down during this critical date. As she’s writing a wish on a piece of paper to mount on a board outside of a charming store, she’s delighted that she and Grant have the same vision for their future. Marriage and kids.

Yep. Pretty much could have pegged that one, Dina. Bless her heart that she thought this was the reason for assuming that they were MFEO. 

Dina’s OCD kicks in a bit later as Grant attempts to master a row boat. She inquires of her suitor, “Do you know how hard it is for me to NOT help you right now?” 

Did Grant like this comment? I’m not sure. But it did spur a later conversation about how he wants to provide for his family and is the “giver” in a relationship. We learn that they both like to take care of their partners, and Grant tells the camera that he feels Dina would be a great partner.

Interesting. He’s claimed at least three other women would be great mothers to his children but he labels Dina as a partner. I think Grant is more interested in legal advice to help flesh out his five-year plan rather than building a life with Dina. 

Later that night, at dinner, he likens Dina to both a drill sergeant and his mother. Dina thinks this is the best news ever. When Grant once again brings up the fact that his mom was a strong, hardworking woman, Dina smiles. He follows that up with a story about how he wants to provide for his family. 

Dina thinks this is manly. And then adds that it’s even more manly to know you have a wife beside you who could do the same thing. Grant concedes and hands over the rose. How could he not when he compared Dina to his own mother, who he adores?

I get it. Dina wants an equal partnership, which is fair. What I think Grant wants is someone who WANTS to be doted on and protected and provided for. Dina does not strike me as that woman. At least not right now. I think Grant craves a softness that she doesn’t possess, but I am proud of her for putting it all out there.

Oh, and another thing, DINA IS IN LOVE WITH GRANT. This is going to be a problem in the next few episodes I bet. 

GROUP DATE

Poor, sweet, precious Parisa. Our girl is having a no-good, very bad day. Not only did she burn her chest with a curling iron, but there was a pimple on her face, and her spray tan was chipping away in the brutal Spanish heat. Bless!

Meandering around the city in the heat of the day on a burro will not help her circumstances. And the hits just keep coming when Parisa chooses the donkey with hellacious gas. At least she gets to dress up in a sexy matador outfit and swing a blanket as Grant pretends to be a bull chasing her. 

Oh, wait. What’s more hellacious? The matador outfit or the gassy donkey? It’s an even split if you ask Carolina. 

The next thing you know, the famous matadora is sitting with Jesse to “score” our bachelorettes, and for one hot second, I thought they were literally going to release the bulls on these women! Can you imagine the carnage? And Parisa’s skin? If air is making her tan melt off, I can’t imagine sideswiping a bull.

Alas, we will not be fighting actual bulls today. Instead, showrunners will force the bachelorettes to mount a mechanical bull in their junior varsity outfits, posteriors proudly flailing about above the beast as they lean over its metal body, hanging on for dear life. Thank goodness no one could stay in that attitude for more than a dozen seconds.

Oh, wait. Here comes Alexe with an actual plan! The llama mama wraps her tiny arms around the horns of the bull and uses every thigh muscle she’s trained in pilates to will her body to stay on for forty-seven seconds. IMPRESSIVE! 

How sad that she was the second-to-last woman to face the bull. Zoe steals that strategy and adds a few more seconds to win super special alone time with Grant. Better luck next time, Alexe. (The second “E” is silent.)

Zoe celebrates her win at the cocktail party by wearing a dress that leaves nothing to the imagination. Everyone agrees this will finally be the date when good vibes will prevail. No drama. Happy thoughts and fun times. 

And it works! Things are looking up for dear Parisa, who is gifted with not one but two rocks from Grant. That’s right! Our little wannabe geologist is over the moon and receives the kind gesture as if it is a promise of a “nicer rock” that will be occupying a very important finger in the future. 

Spoiler alert: It’s not. 

Rose has no issue seeing the writing on the wall. During her alone time with Grant, she wonders if the “situation” with Carolina has set their relationship back a few steps. Grant lets her know that they have room to grow. That, coupled with the fact that he didn’t give her a rock, does not bode well for Rose. 

Zoe is still flying high on her special time and decides to get vulnerable with Grant during the cocktail party. She divulges that she was adopted into a predominately white neighborhood and never felt worthy of friendships or relationships. This guts Grant and he immediately wants to cherish her and make her feel wanted and seen. In short, it’s the opposite of Dina.

While Zoe and Grant visit about their similar backgrounds, Julianna decides it’s time to visit with Carolina about how unsettling it is that Carolina is struggling through this process. Why in the world would she vocalize her insecurities about going on a date with Grant? It has left a sour taste in everyone’s mouth. If she’s unhappy, she should just pack her bags and leave.

Carolina does feel potential, but her concern is that she’s known him for such a short amount of time and her feelings are confusing. How can she fall for a man so fast? 

Julianna wants her to watch her words. Carolina wants Julianna to go BLEEP. 

Naturally, when the girls return to the shared cocktail party sofa, the remaining women know something has gone down, and it’s Rose who asks how they are doing. Julianna remains silent. Carolina invites anyone who has somehting to say to say it. She’s all ears.

Rose takes this invitation and reminds Carolina that she’s essentially a negative Nelly and they all wonder why she would ever doubt feelings for Grant. Carolina begins to cry and reminds everyone how NORMAL it is for her to be sifting through feelings of love when she hasn’t even introduced this man to her parents. 

The ABC Intern runs to the other room, grabs Grant, and thrusts him into the middle of the room so Grant can witness Carolina crying. Again. Of course, Grant asks her to follow him into the other room so he can get to the bottom of what’s making one of his top choices cry. AGAIN.

Carolina is done. She was just being honest with how she felt and she shouldn’t have her intentions questioned! Grant reminds her that she should focus on the two of them and no one else. Her feelings are real. So are his. 

But that doesn’t mean he’s going to hand over a date rose willy-nilly. He has some thinking to do, and they will just have to sweat it out at the rose ceremony. 

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE

According to Grant, Sarafiena has been flying under the radar for a while and he is ready to see as much of her personality as possible. And guess what? WE DID!

It’s unfortunate that we had to get there by tandem bungee jumping in the rain with tiny little ropes tied to a rickety bridge, but that’s neither here nor there. They’ve conquered a fear together and can face the world. NO MATTER WHAT!

Grant genuinely has a great time with Sara and commends her quirkiness and humor, which is odd because we’ve yet to see that side of Sara. There’s just one thing Grant doesn’t understand, and that’s her hesitation when they kiss. As he rambles on about Sara not getting hurt and taking down walls, her lips twitch up as she interrupts him.

She’s not hesitant. She’s not working through old wounds. Her mother is watching the show, and she doesn’t want her to be embarrassed! 

This is the moment I started rooting for Sarafiena to win! 

Grant gives her a rose, and they make out. For real. And she apologizes to her mama on camera. LOVE. HER. 

ROSE CEREMONY

Grant’s first order of business is to get to the bottom of what Julianna said about Carolina that made her so upset on their group date. Julianna simply mentions that Carolina is ungrateful for a date that others would consider a blessing. Plus, she’s questioning the entire journey and has nothing positive to say about him, which is hard for the other girls to hear.

OUCH. Also, never ever, ever throw another girl under the bus. That’s a Cardinal Bachelor Rule, Julianna!

Grant then grabs Carolina and tells her he is hurt that she didn’t consider their date in Las Vegas a positive experience. He loved that they had a friendship first and swears she has a good heart. What gives? 

Carolina remains calm. She tells Grant that it’s very natural for someone to have doubts in this situation. He should feel concerned if she’s ready to marry him. (HELLO, JULIANNA!) She’s taking this seriously and really analyzing her feelings because she wants to know for sure before he gets down on one knee. Duh. 

Grant makes Carolina promise that if she has any more doubts, she will come to him instead of voicing it in front of the other girls. This makes Carolina pause, assuming she’s NOT going to get a rose. But Dina, of all people, rallies around Carolina, assuring her that she is just misunderstood. Then they cry together because true love is living in close quarters while dating the same man. SISTERS! 

Let the record show that everyone else is mad that Carolina still gets all of Grant’s attention. So much so that Rose decides to self-eliminate because Carolina backstabbed her, and now her confidence is shot, and she’s shattering on the inside. WOW! Grant nods and escorts her to the rejection SUV noting that this is the best decision for everyone. Poor, Rose. 

At the rose ceremony, a cold front comes through the freshly sprayed driveway, forcing all the women to cover themselves in overcoats pilfered from all the closets in the mansion. Along with Rose, Parisa and sweet Natalie are given the boot.  

Next up? SCOTLAND! Let the Jamie Fraser comparisons begin!