Bachelor in Paradise 2021 Recap: Right Reasons
Bachelor in Paradise Recap 2021 | Week 4
So. Much. D-R-A-M-A.
And I loved every second. I have thoughts upon thoughts. Let’s get right to it, shall we?
As usual, I will keep it tight with the “Top 5 Things You Need To Know” recap, accompanied by my super-nifty Spotify playlist. Enjoy!!
“Suspicious Minds” by Elvis Presley
Well, the rumors of Brendan vibing with Pieper (from Matt James’ season) before entering the beaches of Paradise have turned out to be accurate. It’s clear Brendan came with an agenda. However, it’s equally clear that he did not share the details with Pieper since she waltzes down the cobblestone steps, speaks to no one, and inquires if Brendan would like to go out on a date with her.
She spoke to zero people. Pieper took one breath of seaspray air and launched her question into Brendan’s lap without a care in the world. He had to summon all chill he could muster to blurt out a non-convincing, “Wow, just like that? Okay!”
As most do in this situation, Brendan tells Natasha that he would like to explore things with Pieper. He understands that Natasha is aces, but he would like to see where “this” is going and appreciates Natasha for understanding. Spoiler alert: Natasha does not understand.
Brendan continues the ruse of being the romantic guy who just wants to navigate Paradise well during their date. He claims he’s had a fun run with Natasha, resulting in Pieper’s “WTF” face. She thought they “knew where they were at” before he left for Paradise. Brendan tries to play the game, but Pieper woefully doesn’t understand that he has to be cool, otherwise, Bachelor Nation declares him an official jackwagon.
Finally, to save his pending relationship with Pieper, he drops the act and reminds Pieper that he had to drag someone along so he could actually stay in Paradise long enough for Pieper to show up. That annoying person (Brendan’s description, not mine) was Natasha. And it’s a good thing he gave her his rose. She wouldn’t have any other prospects without his generosity.
Brendan is the worst.
This unflattering behavior extends to the next morning when he and Pieper are unable to resist keeping their hands off of each other. This brand of flirting seems very familiar. There’s way too much giggling for Piedan to be an aspiring new couple. And Natasha needs answers. Does she go to Brendan to get them? No way. She requests a private audience with Pieper.
This is when Pieper accidentally throws Brendan under the bus. Natasha wants to know how long they’ve been hanging out. Two months. How many times have they seen each other? Ten. When was the last time she saw Brendan? The day before he left for Paradise.
Oh no, he didn’t.
Brendan tries to defend himself. Some of those times he hung out with Pieper were in a group setting. Also, when she was in Boston…
I’m sorry, Pieper was in Boston? With Brendan? Alone?
What’s worse is the time when Pieper and Brendan discuss their Instagram followers. Unbeknownst to them, the camera catches their cuddling time through the palm fronds. How these two yahoos forgot they have on microphones is unfortunate for them, but it makes for excellent TV for us! The conversation proves that their time on the show was premeditated.
And Bachelor Nation is not happy. I trust you follow Bachelor Data (especially on Instagram). I wish you had told me about her earlier because I discovered the account and am FASCINATED by her data. As of right now, when I type this sentence, Brendan has lost 58 thousand followers. THAT IS A TON OF PEOPLE.
Natasha has gained 178 thousand. THAT IS A TON OF PEOPLE! And the best part is that she’s about to surpass Brendan in the total count.
On his Instagram Monday night, Brendan wrote below a very sultry model picture of himself in the pool, “Not here for the right reasons.” It currently has 24,713 comments.
All the feeeeeeeeeels.
“In Da Club” by 50 Cent
Tituss Burgess is the show’s new host, and he rocks the boat by inviting half the cast to an exclusive VIP party. Most of the couples are separated, making the arrival of four new girls in the club a big fat bummer for the girls and heaven-sent for the dudes.
Chelsea, Alana, Alena, and a blonde from previous seasons smash their bodies up on the boys’ bathing suit parts as former Disney tween sensation Olivia Holt croons lyrics, instructing the audience to move their hips. Then, Alana (you don’t remember her) grabs Chris and drags him to another room so they can make out like horny teenagers at the prom. Next, a producer instructs Jessenia to walk down the hallway and look to her left. She spies Alana with her tongue down her boyfriend’s throat and becomes visibly upset.
Chris attempts to make things better by saying he feels a spark with Alana, which is missing with Jessenia. (This is the same excuse Jessenia used when dumping Ivan for Chris.) Jessenia is confused. He’s known Alana for five minutes. How has he determined this emotion so clearly?
It really doesn’t matter what Jessenia thinks since Chris is straight-up dirty dancing with Alana on the floor whilst making out at the same time. Jessenia chooses to leave to go back to the beach and inform everyone that she and Chris are done, thanks to some incoming newbies. With Thomas currently at that hoochie party, this information makes Tammy hyperventilate. Maurissa has a nervous breakdown at the thought of Riley looking at one of those other girls.
“Me and Mrs. Jones” by Michael Bublé
Chris mopes around the beach the next morning and is stunned when Tammy approaches him with a very aggressive, ‘WHAT DID YOU DO LAST NIGHT?” He pretends to be tormented by the previous night’s tryst. His entire demeanor changes when Alana bounces down the steps in a lovely black spandex gown. She has a date card, and she wants to take Chris. He’s willing and ready.
Becca gently suggests he talk to Jessenia before he leaves to zip line with No Name. Chris claims he doesn’t know where she is as four people turn to the right and point to Jessenia sitting with Abigail and Mari. He schleps over to ask Jessenia to talk. Guess what? She has nothing to say to Chris. He showed his true colors last night, and that’s all she needs to see to formulate an opinion. Bye.
When the happy couple returns to the beach later that night, Joe intercepts Chris as Alana heads to the bar. Joe wants to know if Chris knew Alana before coming on the show because his actions seem awfully calculated. Chris does not assume a dominating position as Alana taught earlier in the day, and Joe, Jessenia, Riley, and Maurissa tell him he’s fake, has no moral code, and is officially voted off the island.
Question: Did Jeff Probst take over hosting duties for Our Host Chris Harrison? Did I miss something? Can we just vote people off the island willy nilly? Shouldn’t there be a council meeting? Or is that what is happening? I never can tell when there aren’t any tiki torches.
Chris slumps off to find Alana moody on her bed. He thinks it’s best if he leaves, and her reaction is priceless.
Alana: “You’re just going to leave me here to deal with all of this? I JUST GOT HERE.”
Chris: “No. I was hoping you would come with me.”
Alana: “And if I stay, I won’t have any friends?”
Chris: “I don’t know.”
The next thing we see is Chris packing his bags and lifting himself into one of the rejection SUVs. Whoopsie. Alana is already in that car, and she lets him know real quick that his ride is behind hers.
As this entire ordeal unfolds, I can’t help but wonder how Chris was so publically ostracized for generally doing the exact same thing as Brendan. Both came with preconceived plans to somehow raise their visibility in the world or get a free vacation. Granted, I’m pretty sure that’s what the entire cast is doing there, but shouldn’t Natasha have received just as big of defense as Jessenia? Or is it because Brendan is a good guy who did an awful thing? And Chris practically had vertical sex on the dancefloor in front of everyone? Thoughts?
“Check Yes or No” by George Strait
Kenny, Mari, Demi, and Tia are in a love square at the beginning of the show. Unfortunately, Tia is spotted twice during the entire episode, which means Kenny gave her the boot somewhere along the way. Triangles are much more manageable.
Mari tells Kenny she is all in. She wants him. She would leave with him on her arm today. He seems pretty excited to hear this and rewards Mari with a strange lip bite/tug, followed by a passionate kiss. When he comes up for air, he trudges down to talk to Demi to let her know that he’s officially off the market and will not be joining her in the boom-boom room any time in the near future. She handles this news in traditional Demi format by pulling her hair in front of her face and whining. She’s unclear why Kenny would choose someone as boring as a pageant queen when he could have someone fun and playful.
Who knew Kenny would be the hot commodity on the beach this season? Way to go, guy in my demographic!
“Should I Stay Or Should I Go” by The Clash
Becca receives a date card and is perplexed. With supermodel Chelsea taking Aaron on a date, who should she choose to accompany her? Even though Ivan and Jordan James are hella single, Becca tugs Tammy a few yards away from the bar to see if she’s cool with letting Thomas go to dinner. Tammy, who bows before the Bachelor royalty standing in front of her, assures Becca that it is totally fine if she wants to take Thomas. Tammy even gives Becca permission to kiss him if she wants.
Which she does. Lots of times.
Tammy theorizes that if Thomas comes back vibing on Becca, then she knows it’s not real with her, and that’s a good thing. Then she hysterically cries for the rest of the episode.
Here are a few other things you need to know from the episode:
- The drama between Joe and Kendall was nothing. Joe stays with Serena and Kendall does situps the rest of the day.
- Abigail and Noah are back together.
- Jordan James’ hair still doesn’t move.
- There are tons of girls who do NOT have significant others at this point. Kendall, Deandra, Demi, Tia, Natasha, Jessenia, and potentiall Tammy if Thomas gives his rose to Becca.
- Does this mean that more guys will come down the steps next week?
- The show is only on Tuesday nights for the rest of the month, so set your DVRs!