Chris Harrison typically earns his paycheck by confidently stating each week that what we are about to witness is the most dramatic rose ceremony ever. I have to admit that after Sean doled out the coveted buds, I was shocked by the girl who was left rose-less at the end of the night.

With that said, the four remaining women were on a pretty even playing field. Since Sean was wise enough to send the resident villain Tierra home last week, the show was left with Catherine, Lindsay, Des and AshLee, who all seem relatively normal. If we strip their personalities down to basics, one might say that they are all nice, funny and attractive girls. This forces everyone watching to choose a favorite, and we become divided, convinced that our favorite is clearly going to be the one standing at the end.

Of course, this means the fate of the relationship relies on chemistry with the families.

AshLee
AshLee and Sean picnic in the middle of some weeds in an abandoned lot in her parents’ golf course neighborhood. They share a bottle of wine while AshLee reminds Sean again how much she loves him. Sean looks a little concerned when AshLee starts comparing her ice lake jumping to releasing her control and abandonment issues and he almost chokes on his steak when her parents begin crying right along with her. Then she offers to fill her pastor Dad in on the fact that she and Sean rolled around half naked on the beach in St. Croix. Just what every father wants to hear! A round of Zoloft is handed out for dessert before Dad tells the sweet story of the little four-year-old foster girl who stole his heart. Sean convinces the family that he’s crazy about their daughter before receiving the Dad’s blessing for marriage. AshLee says the day was magical and begins doodling Mrs. Sean Lowe on her spiral-bound notebook. She willingly volunteers that “we are in love with each other” which has been known to be the kiss of death in previous seasons.

Lindsay
Sean is really nervous about meeting Lindsay’s Two-Star General father. What is he supposed to call him? General? Mister? Sir? Lindsay has no clue. Awesome. Instead of Googling the answer, she forces Sean to go antiquing, taste test cupcakes, do push ups, sit ups and jump over logs in an Army shirt, Old Navy cargo pants and Converse tennis shoes. She accomplishes all of this by barking orders in her best baby voice. It’s special. Lindsay’s Mom is immediately charmed by Sean. After telling him that he’s crazy about his daughter, Sean asks The General for his permission to marry his little girl. Two Star doesn’t have a direct answer, but does give him the authority to make the decision on his own. Sean thanks him and leaves to go throw up in the bathroom. Later, Lindsay admits that she’s falling in love with him. Sean admits that this makes him very happy and has no trouble sticking his tongue down her throat in The General’s driveway.

Catherine
Sean meets Catherine in Seattle wearing the tightest pants I’ve ever seen on a man. And I’ve been to an Aerosmith concert. One can only assume they are from the Chris Harrison line for men. Catherine goes a different route and wears Pilates pants. I found this odd. Perhaps she prefers catching fish one-handed at Pike Place Market with a pant that offers a little more give? One can’t be sure. After their fingers and hands become tainted with the appealing smell of fresh fish, they both chew gum and adhere said gum to a huge gum wall. Let’s hope some high power antibacterial hand sanitizer was in that fanny pack of Catherine’s. They spend the rest of the day laughing, dancing, making out and eating a lot before meeting all the women in Catherine’s family. He cooks with Mom, flirts with Grandma and allows Catherine to sit on him as he does push ups before listening as Catherine’s two sisters figuratively throw her under the bus by confessing that she’s moody, messy, doesn’t really want to have kids right away, is full of career goals that are very important to her and probably isn’t ready to settle down right now. What a glowing endorsement! To make matters worse, Sean tells the Mom that he’s crazy for her daughter and asks for her permission should he choose to marry Catherine, to which she replies, “Mull it over and let’s see what happens.”

Des
After hiking through the hills in Los Angeles, Des takes Sean back to her place to cook for the family. A stranger knocks on the door and Des is clearly dumbstruck when her ex-boyfriend pushes his way into the entry hall, asking why she hasn’t responded to his texts or phone calls while demanding that the cameras be turned off. He vows his love for Des before asking aloud if her parents know she’s “with this actor.” Sean clenches his fists and bucks up to the ex, practically begging the ABC intern to hold him back. Des finally yells, “GOTCHA” to Sean, revealing that the ex is really an actor who answered a cryptic ad in order to get his official Screen Actor’s Guild card. Sean finds this moderately funny, but is more impressed that Des had the chutzpah to pull it off in the first place. This somehow translates into them being best friends and he’s totally back to normal when the family shows up.

Sean loves the family and when he tells Des’ father that he is crazy about his daughter, he immediately gets permission to marry her. As he’s sitting down to dinner, the brother Nate asks to “holla” at Sean. Odd timing, but Sean agrees. Nate begins by saying that he knows Sean is not into Des and that clearly there is no connection. Sean vows that he’s crazy about her. Nate responds by asking, “How many girls are you crazy about?” By my count, that would be a big fat four. Point to the brother.

He asks Sean if he knows which one he’s going to choose and when Sean responds with a cautious, “No,” Nate calls him a playboy. Sean’s ivory Scandinavian skin becomes beet red as he begins to defend himself, assuring Nate that character and integrity are of the utmost importance to him. Nate never budges and ends the conversation with a general, “It is what it is.” I’m pretty confident that motto is tattooed somewhere on his body.

Sean can tell that the entire family is mortified by Nate’s rude behavior. It’s quite clear by Des’ intimidating inquiry, “Did you scare him?” that her brother might have a little bit of anger issues and perhaps spent a day or two incarcerated once upon a time. Given the family’s history, I’m sure Nate has learned a lot from the School of Hard Knocks. Was he rude? Sure. Did he deserve a punch in the mouth from Sean? Possibly. But hear me out for a minute…

I think Nate is a realistic guy playing the role of “thug older brother” in this game we call The Bachelor. Nate called it like he saw it. When a young, handsome guy agrees to go into a situation where we willingly courts 25 women at the same time – that is the definition of a playboy. Sure he might be crazy for Des, but as we all heard last night, he’s crazy for three other girls too. Nate simply made him admit it out loud. His protective stance swells after he hears Sean admit that he hasn’t narrowed down his choices yet. What brother wants to hear that his little sister is “in the running” to be some random dude’s wife? If it works out, great. But what if it doesn’t? You have to admit that ABC doesn’t have the greatest of track records when it comes to match making. Another point for the brother.

I’m sure Nate was asked to join his family from his crib in East LA, sign a waiver and give Sean a hard time on television. And that’s exactly what he did. But he did it in a way completely thumbing his nose at the entire crazy process, figuratively demanding that everyone involved take a moment stop and really assess the ridiculousness of the scenario. He didn’t apologize for asking hard questions because he thinks what his sister is doing is stupid and he’s annoyed at his parents for getting sucked in too. If that happen to sabotage her chances with Sean, so be it. It is what it is. Game. Set. Match.

Rose Ceremony
Sean admits to Harrison that he doesn’t have any clarity and in an unprecedented moment, he shares his dilemma. He must choose between Catherine and Des. Clearly, Catherine’s Mom’s unwillingness to bless their possible future union and Nate’s willingness to call a spade a spade has put both ladies in jeopardy.
Roses are easily handed to Lindsay and AshLee, but before he can hand the last long-stem out, he heads back to the bureau to ponder life, love and other mysteries as he stares at framed photos of the ladies. Harrison is sent in to offer his best advice, “This is the most important decision yet. Don’t screw this up.”

I’m pretty confident that is tattooed somewhere on his body.

Sean takes a few moments to lean against the Pier One Bureau room wall, agonizing over a life of estrogen-filled Filipino holidays or sleeping with a knife under his pillow when he visits California. He trudges back to the rose ceremony room with the weight of the reality world on his shoulders.
Des asks for some alone time with Sean before he hands the last rose out. She apologizes for her brother’s behavior and Sean accepts, assuring her that everything is totally fine.

Then he gives the rose to Catherine.

Des is so shocked, she can neither cry nor look Sean in the face. She keeps repeating, “You’ve made a big mistake.” Meanwhile, Mike Fleiss begins the search for 25 eligible suitors to win her heart in next season’s bachelorette.

Next week, Sean spends some quality time with the three remaining ladies in Thailand. Will AshLee scare him away with her outpouring of love? Will Catherine redeem herself in his eyes? Will Lindsay’s voice go down an octave or two? Do you think Des will be the next bachelorette? Are you mad at the brother or do you sort of get where he was coming from? Sound off in the comments section!

All about the fame, not the shame,
Lincee