Bachelor Sean Recap: What We Learned During the Finale
It turns out that an elephant, a joyful, loving father, an adorable weepy mother and two children who surely have Pottery Barn Kids modeling deals in the works by now turned out to be more entertaining than the super secretive “letter of doom” we’ve been teased about for the past few weeks. All in all, I think this was a pretty good season that showcased surprising pockets of awesome tucked away in the nooks and crannies of its finale.
Harrison’s Blinged Out Watch
Harrison is LIVE from a vanilla candle-scented sound stage in East LA and couldn’t be more excited to provoke a statement necklace wearing audience members with the promise of drama in the upcoming three hour special. I know what you’re wondering, and yes, that is a rather large timepiece hanging from his left wrist. Clearly Arie must have obtained the garish watch from the Liberace House of Crap, engraved “best buds” on the clasp and given it to Our Host as a joke to see if he would wear it on national LIVE television. Had he not been wearing a stellar suit from “The Harrison Collection,” he never would have pulled it off with such aplomb.
A Family That Wears Neon Together, Stays Together
Sean is in Thailand, anxiously awaiting the arrival of the love(s) of his life and is counting on his family to give some insight on choosing the woman of his dreams. Sister Shay is back in a head-to-toe fluorescent outfit. This time, she’s brought her Abercrombie and Fitch model husband and two traditionally dress children, complete with gingham shirt for the boy and giant hair bow for the girl. We’re not sure why Kensington and Smith’s jumpers were not decked out in bright pink and green embellishments. One can only assume it states in their modeling contracts that colors not existing on the traditional pallet of Ralph Lauren Kid’s summer line are strictly forbidden when helping “Uncle Seany” choose a wife.
Should it be Catherine, who played on an all-boys baseball team? This is the girl who tells Mama Lowe that she knew she loved her son through a series of back-and-forth love note writing. Mama Lowe is skeptical but Daddy Lowe embraces Catherine with the loving arms of a father and promises to be her biggest cheerleader if she’s “the one.” Catherine lost her control for just a moment and allowed the affection to wash over her, knowing that she would never feel this much emotion for her own father. Even the Grinchy-est person watching this show HAD to feel their heart swell just a little bit at this exchange.
Then again, maybe the lucky girl is Lindsay? Even though her dress is a little short for meeting Mama Lowe for the first time in my opinion, sister Shay (who totally dressed her Daddy in a fuchsia t-shirt) thinks the wedding dress out of the limo schtick was hilarious. Her husband says nothing. I say he’s hot. Well done Shay. Well done.
Mama Lowe is the voice of reason and drags her son out onto the terrace for a little reality check. He claims to love both women and his Mama advises that if that is the case, he shouldn’t propose to either one. Even though this is SOUND ADVISE, Sean becomes a bit irritated, claiming that Mama Lowe has only known each girl for 20 minutes. He ends with a sharp, “I just want your support.”
That’s when Mama Lowe starts crying. Sean crumbles at the sight of her face and suggests they go for a walk to get away from the prying eyes of the cameras. Again, he forgets that they are both wearing microphones, so we hear the entire conversation. In a nutshell, Mama warns him not to make a decision unless he knows FOR SURE and he promises that he wouldn’t ever get down on one knee if he wasn’t going to spend the rest of his life with the girls standing in front of him.
Careful! You Might Need a Tetanus Shot
For Sean’s last date with Lindsay, he pays homage to our beloved Ames by wearing an aqua tank top, red shorts and a very large white plastic watch. Lindsay chooses to salute former bachelorette and newly married Ashley by wearing a layering tank as an actual tank and pink shorts from Build-A-Bear. A Thai man is instructed to row Sean and Lindsay up and down the Mekong, which closely resembles the chocolate river that swept up Augustus Gloop at the Wonka Factory. The pair giggle like prepubescent girls the entire time, laughing at their own goofiness. They arrive at a tree house where both suffer from what appears to be symptoms of sun stroke, drunkenness or early onset signs of staph infection from that unfortunate decision to take a dip in the Mekong. Later, Lindsay tells Sean she loves him. He says, “thanks” and “you look pretty” before they start making out. Lindsay is cool with this because “kissing is how he ‘spresses’ himself when he can’t really talk about it.” Is it now? Then they free a bunch of paper lanterns into the sky with love language words written all over them.
Horton Hears a Who
Sean couldn’t have set his date up with Catherine any better. She greets him in a field (they’re wearing matching purple tops) and begins chattering on about how there are elephants walking around everywhere! Sean pretends he doesn’t believe her just as one comes crashing through the brush. They both put on a pair of elephant pants, are hoisted up on the animal’s back and traipse around Thailand taking in the general splendor of the scenery. Horton drops the love birds off at the same tree house and Sean does a great job marveling at the breathtaking view as if he had never seen it less than 24 hours ago. Catherine admits that she’s falling for Sean and she can’t wait for a future of planning engagement parties. Yes that was as random as it sounded.
At dinner, she tries to tell him how she feels, but she’s reluctant to share her true emotions. Finally, he pulls her in close and we hear a fake heartbeat in a non-existent microphone as she chokes out a muffled “I love you” in the general vicinity of his jugular. Sean thanks her for “the great day” and heads off to his car. Catherine can’t seem to shake the bubbling crazy, and when it quickly hits her eyes, she begins stalking him with the smooth moves of a jungle cat. Ah! There are the mood swings her sisters were complaining about! He feels her presence in the dark shadow of a palm tree and coaxes her out, trying to appease her darting eyes by constantly asking her if she had a good day. Irritated by his unwillingness to share his true feelings (she’s seen this show, right?) she flings herself on the bed and has a meltdown. It was just south of the drama we witnessed when Ashley took to her bed after Bentleygate. It’s obvious Catherine is over tired.
This Paragraph Was Brought To You by NEIL LANE
After lubing up with moisturizer, Sean pulls a quarter Mesnick on the balcony and reflects on how he searched his heart and finally knows who will get a ring put on it. He visits Neil Lane and picks out the exact cut and setting that AshLee pre-ordered before she was kicked to the curb weeks ago. AWKARD.
I Shaved My Legs For This?
Lindsay chooses a shiny, reflective ensemble for her pending engagement dress. I’m pretty sure all of Thailand was able to pick up Ryan Secrest’s radio show frequency due to the amount aluminum foil wrapped tightly around her body. PS: It’s silver. The color of second place. I’m just saying. Harrison escorts her to the proposal pedestal and Sean hems and haws a decent “you’re great, but” speech. Sean begins to cry and Lindsay stays tough. The General has taught her well. She casually mentions that she’s going to go now, reminds him that this is her worst nightmare, wishes him well and then takes her shoes off so she can properly stalk away. Everyone watching cheers her phenomenal attitude. For someone who probably frequented a few KOT keg parties no less than two years ago, she handles the disappointment really well and shows lots of maturity. Because of this, I was able to forgive her when I couldn’t translate any of her crying baby talk voiceover in the rejection SUV. Good for you, Lindsay!
Catherine Takes the Gold
It turns out that Catherine was the culprit behind the letter that got more air time than Neil Lane this week. It’s basically a love letter that is read in voiceover between Catherine and Sean as she makes her way in another version of Lindsay’s tin foil dress (yet it was champion gold) to Sean’s waiting arms. He tells her that he wants to spend the rest of his life with her and against Mama Lowe’s wishes, Sean drops on one knee and asks Catherine to marry him. Catherine seems very emotional at the outpouring of love from Sean and even looks him in the eye once or twice. Even though the ABC Intern was sent to fetch a paper bag for Catherine’s hyperventilating, Horton was summoned once again and the two meandered off on elephant back into the sunset.
Prime Time Nuptials
During “After the Final Rose,” Harrison insists that some life-changing news has just been confirmed in the last 24 hours, from the Bachelor himself. After roughly 45 minutes of teasing, we learn that Sean and Catherine do not have a date set for the wedding, but they do know that they will be getting married on ABC. There has been no confirmation of florescent bow ties and cummerbunds for the wedding party. Stay tuned.
The Joey Potter lookalike has officially been announced as next season’s bachelorette. I am starting an aggressive Twitter campaign to convince Mike Fleiss to find two suitable suitors named Dawson and Pacey. Won’t you join me?
What do you think of the finale? How long will it be before Catherine and Sean tie the knot? Will you tune in for Desiree’s season in May? Sound off in the comments below!
“CHECK IT OUT – WE’RE BRACELET BUDDIES!!”
“THAT’S WHAT THEY’LL CALL US!!”
I am ashamed at how happy I am for Sean and Catherine. Because I know this show is ridiculous but I actually think they might actually love each other. I also think Catherine looks like Disney Princess with her big eyes and infectious smile.
The double voice-over letter reading blew my mind. It was more than I could have asked for.
Momma Lowe reminds me of Laura Bush. I think it is the way they speak – like Texas Grandmas.
Do you think Shay will be in the wedding? Along wtih Cathy’s sisters? It’s too bad Des will be tied up and can’t design a wedding gown for Cathy.
Speaking of Des, I think she is going to be a boring Bachelorette. I don’t think she has that much personality. I think the men should have to cage fight her brother at each cocktail party before they get a rose.
I will join your petition as long as we can also get a Tom Cruise look alike for her.
Great Recap Lincee! Can’t wait for the next season.
I actually really love Sean and Catherine together. They are giddy..and that’s the way it’s supposed to be. And Lindsay’s exit showed a lot of class.
It was a cute ending! Good for them, I hope it works out. Props to Lindsay for being a lady in her exit too. I think she matured throughout the show.
I am so glad, however, I went to bed and didn’t waste time waiting for the ‘big breaking news announcement’ that they are going to get married on tv. I thought from all the hype they’d at least have set a date or even more shocking, had a secret wedding already.
Thanks for all the funny recaps, Lincee! You make my Tuesdays!
LOVED the “Friends” reference with regard to CH’s watch! I wish Sean and Catherine the best, but I STILL don’t see it, even after the ATFR show. Still think he was better suited to Des, but I guess not.
Lincee, I am dying to know what you think of OHCH getting choked up before commercial break! Did the proposal get to him or did he swallow a fly? I really thought he would pick Lindsey because they seemed to have a lot in common, but his chemistry with Catherine was undeniable. Great season. Can’t wait for Joey/Pacey/Dawson’s season! If someone buys her a wall to paint, he is in.
My favorite part of the finale was Lindsey taking her shoes off to stalk away. You go girl! Least favorite moment was Sean telling her he loved her while dumping her. What?!
Are those kids for real? The names, the outfits, the cuteness. Are we sure they weren’t borrowed?
I too noticed the color choices for the dresses, silver for second place and gold for the winner. Very telling, did the intern help pick them out? Just sayin…
Great recap Lincee!! And first thing in the morning. You rock!
Of course I’ll be watching the Bachelorette this summer along with my fellow green beaners.
I wasn’t rooting for Catherine but it was really sweet how it turned out. Nice to see how excited they are about getting married. Awesome recap as always, Lincee!
Random comment about the Bachelorette announcement – Des was so uncomfortably nervous!! I could only figure it was either bc of her super short dress that she kept pulling down or the ABC publicity intern getting into her head….?? It was funny when OHCH was worried that it would be a long season with her tearing up. She’ll be a great Bachelorette – can’t wait for more recaps then!
I noticed this in the previews all season and last night, it was all I could think about during the proposal – that proposal setting was right out of the Duck Dynasty School of Decorating. I expected Si to pop up any second. Luckily The Bachelorette isn’t too far off – will miss my weekly Lincee fix until then!
Did anyone find Catherine’s and Sean’s elephant ride awkward? I mean he was in a straddled position behind her and with each elephant step, he was thrushed forward onto her…. weird.
But besides that, I am so happy for them. Beautiful proposal…and beautiful letter! It ranks right up there with Jef Holm’s letter!
Do you think they got the dresses in Thailand? and planned the gold and silver?
Was it just me, or was it obviously immature that Catherine was giggling in a mortified way, examining how she looked—watching back the proposal, while her new fiancé was in tears the whole time, thinking about how much he loves her? I think she cares deeply for him and “loves” him, but she has emotional blocks that will need to come down.
They are the best suited for each other of all the couples…..he turned out to be smart, articulate, equally goofy and “young” thinking as she did.
That was a long three hours!
I don’t know if Lindsay’s dress could have been more unflattering – and why do the poor girls have to walk so far on an unpaved path in huge heels?
I thought Lindsay looked better than I’ve ever seen her when she got the bad news and started looking serious. The solemn look was very becoming to her – but I am sorry that she had to be sad and solemn. She did a great job and I’m so glad that she took of her shoes!
Catherine looked beautiful, and it was nice to finally hear Sean say he loved her.
I am also afraid that Des is going to be really boring. There were a few awkward pauses when she was talking to OHCH – doesn’t bode well for the inner monologues that she needs to prepare.
I have watched every one except the very first one, and that was easily the best proposal ever. I think they are a great couple who genuinely adore each other, and Catherine not only gets a great guy, she finally gets to have a real dad. Yay!
I worried for both Silver and Gold as they prepared to cross the bridge, convinced that a Tierrable Troll lurked beneath, waiting to take them down.
And how strangely adorable was Smith’s “Emily didn’t choose you!” moment?
As always, great season of recaps Lincee: best reason to watch this show.
Proposal was the best ever, but I too was a bit concerned about Catherine’s reaction to watching it played back. She didn’t seem all-in to me.
Maybe that was just how she dealt with being so much in the spotlight on AFR?
Thinking Des will be fine as the Bachelorette.
Lincee….As my daughter and I are sitting there watching the finale she states the obvious before they were rejected/accepted and says: “Look, mom they are wearing silver and gold for first and second place” Wow, no wonder they never showed us sneek peaks from the finale because we would have found out who “won”
I am happy for Catherine and Sean and glad to ehar he is staying true to his faith and wanting to get married soon. Way to go Sean.
BTW – Was that the most God was ever mentioned in a season….like EVER! Fleiss may have been converted during that season.