Bachelorette Gabby and Rachel Finale Recap | Finale Part 1

I know, I know. It’s all a big confusing mess. You thought the show was on Monday? Not so. You thought this was the actual finale? Think again. You thought Rachel found love with Tino? Take a look at her facial expressions and complete lack of Poker face in the last seconds of the show.

Rachel looks M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E. And after watching the first half of the finale, I still don’t understand why!

ZACH

When we last left Rachel, Zach pulled her to a more private location (away from Aven and Tino) and into a more spacious environment so the cameras could catch many angles. In a nutshell, he feels she displayed characteristics in the fantasy suite that was “not the real Rachel,” and therefore must leave Mexico.

Lo and behold, Rachel doesn’t seem to mind Zach’s abrupt self-elimination. She throws him some shade as she hands roses to Aven and Tino, scoffing at his audacity to question her process. On the other hand, Zach dials into his emotions and cries real tears in the rejection SUV. It’s clear the boy is vying to be the next bachelor, and this is his audition reel.

Was the ten-second goodbye enough to land him the gig? Allegedly, we will learn who the next bachelor will be, according to Jesse Palmer. I admit that the announcement surprises me due to the fact that I have no connection to any male from this entire season. I would have put ten dollars on our next season’s lead coming from Paradise.

But what do I know? I thought Rachel was about to dump Aven on national television. That was SO NOT THE CASE.

AVEN

Rachel is eager to introduce Aven to her family. She looks like a princess in a Disney parade. All smiles and hair tossing and kissing people on the cheek. Everyone seems fully on board with this tall drink of water, including Big Tony. Even Mom loves the fact that he wants kids one day.

But it’s the two friends who discover Aven’s deep, dark secret. When they tell Rachel that Aven admitted to not being ready for an engagement, Rachel gulps her morning mimosa in one large chug. Could it be that Aven is a LIAR? He told her straight to her face that he was ready for an engagement. She just told her large Italian father that he was ready for an engagement. WHAT IS HAPPENING?

Cut to Rachel sitting with Aven in a flock of banana trees on the roaming bench. As a normal person with above-average social skills, Aven can tell that something is bothering Rachel. He asks her to explain the sudden change in demeanor, and she launches into a line of questioning that circles around the definition of “ready to be engaged.”

At first, Aven seems relieved to learn that the question of his readiness is the issue. Simply put, Aven is ready to be engaged. He is ready for marriage. He is ready to be a husband. He’d rather not do that in five days as dictated by the parameters of the reality show. A reality show he signed up for, presumably understanding the intricacies of the process.

Is this me defending Rachel? Heaven’s no. But I do think there needs to be some clause in the agreement that all parties are either okay or not okay with an engagement being the neat little bow at the end of this journey.

LET ME BE CLEAR

Aven is a logical man who genuinely likes Rachel. In his brain, this process worked! He fell in love! He wants to date this woman, pursue her out of the bubble, and more than likely get down on one knee in the future. Aven loves her! Isn’t that what it’s all about? Mark it down as a success story, and book their first appearance as a couple at the Bellagio in Vegas!

Silly reader. You must suspend reality and creep into the mind of someone who has been mentally broken by the system. You see, Aven’s inability to admit that he’s ready for an engagement in five days represents his complete hatred of Rachel and their inability to be on the same page. Duh.

Aven is confused as he walks away from Rachel. She is embarrassed by her loud declaration to her family that this guy is solid. The only thing she can do now is to set things straight at dinner.

Unfortunately, things only get worse. Aven apologizes for “leading Rachel on,” yet he refuses to give in. He still doesn’t understand why she can’t just be happy with dating, knowing that he loves her more than anything and wants to leave Mexico with Rachel on his arm.

Sadly, Rachel claims she is “not coming out of this journey, not engaged.” Her tears are fierce. The snot running from her nose is profuse. Her face is as red as a tomato. Aven is gutted. Rachel nearly pukes. She bids him adieu and almost pulls a Crouching Mesnick on the driveway.

It’s at the point I realize that Rachel was going to pick Aven. This reaction is too great for a runner-up.

My theory is confirmed when the cameras return to the studio, where Jesse stares at a stoic Rachel blankly. She admits that she thought it would be her and Aven at the end of this journey. This makes things awkward for two reasons.

1. Aven comes out, and they graciously apologize to each other for ten minutes.
2. If Tino is the last man standing, I’m sure he has questions, right? He CAN’T be the last man standing. He HAS to be eliminated. LOOK AT RACHEL’S FACE.

Could Rachel pull a Clay-en and get back with Aven at the end of all this? Will she ever be happy again?

TINO

This guy.

No one in the family liked Tino more than Aven, which is a bummer for Tino. He didn’t seem to have any game, but of course, he felt confident in the day’s festivities. By the looks of next week’s promo, something is revealed that has Rachel questioning everything. Could it be that she reads his journal? Take a peek and keep a lookout for a brown notebook in his hands:

ERICH

Bless Erich’s heart. The family loves him. Grandpa John is on board. The emotions are high, in a good way, and then it all falls to pieces with one sentence discreetly whispered on a balcony.

Erich: “I want to date you in the real world.”

Why does this send Gabby off in a tizzy, irate that this boy “only wants to date me!”

Here’s the deal with the Bachelorette — these women feel vulnerable because the guy is the one who has to do the proposing. That means the whole thing is a sham if Erich doesn’t get down on one knee. Erich isn’t in love with Gabby if he can’t propose. His feelings aren’t deep enough to make this a sure thing with an Uncle Neil ring on her finger.

IN CONCLUSION

Erich, Aven, and even Jason back in the day are good guys who happened upon a reality show, fell in love with the lead, and want to give this an actual shot at working by NOT getting down on one knee. All have been honest. All have been clear with their intentions.

And both leads have freaked out by such normal behavior.

Yes, they all signed up for this, knowing that a ring was at the end. So, where does that leave us?

I don’t know if Rachel and Tino make it in the end. There is footage of Rachel at the Home Depot proposal pedestal. She does put the rose back down, but I can’t see them making her get all dressed up in her engagement dress, only to walk away without something happening.

As for Erich, I bet that he gets down on one knee. Gabby looked too happy in the studio with her silver Dancing with the Stars mirrorball dress not to have a ring on her finger at the end of this journey. Plus, Erich already feels like she compromised back when he told her on camera that he wasn’t happy about her being with other guys in fantasy suites. I think he takes her stalking away as a sign to “play the game” and get down on one knee at the end of this.

What do you think? Am I totally off? Was Rachel a miserable mess? Did Gabby look like she was tempering her excitement? Has Jesse ever hosted anything in his life? Sound off in the comments! And remember, this is a spoiler-free zone!