Bachelorette Jenn Recap | Season 21 | Episode 2

I am a professional, and I think that it is only fair that I apologize to Double N Jenn for poking fun at the way she pronounced Melbourne, Australia when she lifted her flute of champagne to “cheers” that her boys would be foregoing any stateside nonsense in lieu of an adventure down under. Apparently, the locals do pronounce it “Mel-bun.” 

Jenn, you have my sincerest apologies. I’ll never doubt you again. Instead, I’ll pose a serious question: How many beige ostriches had to be plucked to make your sleeved pashmina? I’m guessing twelve. 

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover 4th of July candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelors on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

FIRST GROUP DATE
“Let’s find love in Melbourne”

Jenn is eager to explore Melbourne, so she takes eight dudes to the very busy Queen Victoria market. She’s looking for the guys who choose to seize the day. Own the moment. Go with the flow. And what better way to figure out who is compatible with your heart than to make them eat questionable foods?

Vegemite is up first, and I appreciate the man who compared this local cuisine to Nutella. If Nutella tastes like soy sauce mixed with peanut butter, you hit the nail on the head, my guy! I also admire Grant’s ability to both chew and swallow after learning the shot of whiskey with a mysterious ball of meat floating in the bottom was a kangaroo testicle. 

Look! He didn’t puke! Score one for the win column and a piece of Jenn’s heart. Let’s see what else they can choke down! This game is fun! What’s next?

No one knows because Devin easily whisks Jenn away as he pulls her behind a stall that sells huge, colorful carpets. The other dudes are all smacking each other on the backs (to help either cough up or force down half-eaten balls), hovering by trash cans, or turning wicked shades of green. 

Devin’s successful kidnapping should be blamed on Sam N. That dude is allergic to everything and was easily in control of all his faculties. Had his head been on a swivel, they would not have lost their date in the hustle and bustle of the market. LOOK ALIVE, SAM.

Devin not only commandeered a gelato stand, scooping various flavors for Double N, but he managed to dress exactly like our bachelorette. He’s deep in making an impression by the time the other guys find Jenn after begging the ABC Intern to tell them where Devin took their girlfriend. Devin pretends to feel bad. Jenn ACTUALLY feels bad. 

And what better way to make the group feel loved and adored than by making them all compete in a comedy show? These things are always a hoot, and no one ever has his feelings hurt. Let the roasting begin!

It’s no surprise that everyone hates on Devin. It was a joint effort that made Jenn question if something was going on behind her back. Luckily, Devin was there to explain that the only reason why these guys were upset was because his attraction to Jenn and his inability to not shout said attraction from the rooftops had put a target on his back. Duh. 

I would have rolled my eyes more about this bogus revelation, but I was mesmerized by the aforementioned ostrich sleeves on our girl Jenn at the cocktail party. Truly. It was a feat of engineering. Imagine a pashmina with sleeves. It’s loose in the back like a wrap but full-on feathers down the arms, complete with a cuff around the wrists. I applaud the designer, Jenn’s willingness to wear it, and all twelve ostriches who sacrificed and gave their livelihood for Jenn to be fashion forward in Australia. 

Jon-athon was the first to steal Jenn away. No, he didn’t have an ACE bandage around his face this time, but he was wearing glasses. He proceeded to tell us that he was a plump kid who recently experienced a glow-up. Jenn loved his vulnerability and the strength it took to share how hard it is to be an attractive man who wears high pants and funky socks.

Grant takes a page out of a very wise book, and instead of focusing on himself, he asks Jenn a bunch of questions about what has shaped her into the woman she is today. Grant politely listened to her explain how she’d worked her entire life and loved the support of her family. Then they make out. 

You know how the camera loves to get a zoom-in of the make-out sesh, and we all have to hide behind couch cushions based on the amount of tongue? I’m happy to report that Grant was somewhat in control, but the tight angle had me asking my watching party if Jenn had a fever blister. 

I swear I saw one. Time will tell if I’m right. Someone check Fake Juan Pablo’s face…

Next up is Aaron. You may remember him as the smarty pants twin of Noah, who is about to get married to the woman he found on a love journey during Bachelor in Paradise. 

Or you remember Aaron as the one who wore a string of pearls around his delicate neck. Raise your hand if you shouted for Aaron to clutch said pearls when he was arguing with Devin! Was it just me? 

In a nutshell, Aaron feels that Devin is wasting Jenn’s time and is not a good fit for our bachelorette. He also repeatedly calls him Dylan. Devin bounces back with a quick, “I can’t wait for you to come to our wedding.” BURN.

Devin takes it one step further and interrupts Aaron’s alone time with Jenn by wheeling in a cart of ice cream. Whoopsie! There’s only enough for two. GET OUT, AARON. Jenn feels awkward, but is bound by blood and her firstborn to not say a word as the two jokers compete in a staring contest to see who is the bigger man. Let the record show that Aaron never clutched his pearls.

He did go complain to Jeremy, who convinced the guy to march right back into the room and claim his woman. Jeremy is playing the long game and knows that stirring that pot is the best thing he can do to get these two jack wagons kicked off the show. 

Jenn looks exhausted by the whole ordeal but again keeps her mouth shut when this back-and-forth business lasts a solid ten minutes. She punishes them both by giving Grant the date rose for being a normal, nice guy who doesn’t say stupid things like, “Don’t try to dissect the way I tick!”

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE
Marcus
Let’s Fall In Love

Sweet Jenn decides to go skydiving with Marcus in a shrug cardigan with no shirt underneath. Although she wants to throw up a little in her mouth, the skydiving people are nice enough to give her an official jumpsuit that will keep her shirt from flying open as she drops from the sky.

I admit that I questioned her earrings and wondered why no one in charge told her to take the delicate gold hoops off. After watching her plummet, I’ve decided that whatever those gold hoops are made of should be the material with which we build all important things in our world. They stayed clasped! 

The hoops impressed me just about as much as Marcus’ nonchalant attitude to being tossed out of an airplane. He calmed Jenn’s nerves as she struggled with stepping so far out of her comfort zone. How convenient that Marcus is smack dab in the middle of his comfort zone!

Jenn doesn’t bite it when she lands, but she does fall forward, tumbling into the grass with a huge smile on her face. Marcus lands like Cedric Diggory after flying through the portkey. 

Read: In full control and looking hot. 

Double N runs to her knight in shining parachute and flings herself into his arms. He looked hella surprised as the greeting turned into a full-on, hardcore kiss. He forgot that she saw her life pass before her eyes and thought she was going to die. Seize the moment, Marcus!

Showrunners escort them to their hotel rooms to change, then take them to dinner in a cool library, where Jenn overwhelms Marcus with compliments. She loves that he makes her feel calm. And he’s so confident! He comforts her, but he doesn’t overdo it. Hashtag husband material! 

Marcus shares that he hasn’t always been confident. A grenade in Afghanistan helped him become the man he is today. After a couple of months in the hospital, breathing through a tube, he became hyperaware of how fragile life is, and he wanted to live it as if his life was worth saving. 

This is the moment I realized that Jenn is dead inside. How can she not cry from this story? There is nary a tear. A glisten. I’ve blown my nose twice, and she just sits there listening. Could her heart be made of stone? 

At least she’s not an idiot. She climbs what can only be described as a library dais to give Marcus the date rose. Instead of thinking about how sweetly they look at each other, my thoughts wandered to the librarian and if she or he thinks they are rulers of all the readers who approach their throne to speak of late fees and the Dewey Decimal system. 

SECOND GROUP DATE
“We are in the Outback”

Jenn is an animal lover and is super excited to have a Crocodile Dundee-themed photoshoot with her beus. Note that the koala that was RIGHT THERE did not make the list of Australian-themed animals. Neither did a crocodile. Or a kangaroo. Odd.

Instead, the Australian version of Franco, in sweet purple pants, shoots Jenn and the boys with a lizard, an owl, a furry rodent, and a cousin to the chipmunk. Sadly, Hakeem was able to face his fears and managed not to soil himself as a huge spider was placed on his shoulder. 

The last animal presented was a large snake, and Jenn was expected to Britney Spears that mother. Our girl was NOT HAVING IT. Australian Franco asks if there is a strong man who would like to help Jenn in her moment of need, and Dylan (not to be confused as Devin) steps up. 

Dylan looks like Malcolm-Jamal Warner to me, who you may know (depending on your age) as Theo Huxtable or Dr. AJ Austin. My guy smiles politely as the snake wraps its body around his neck in a death grip as Hakeem nearly passes out on the sideline. 

This act of heroism is honored by a private audience with Jenn. We don’t know a lot about this med student, but I can tell you that Jenn likes him. First, she gives him the date rose. Second, she reminds Dylan that he shouldn’t feel insecure by comparing himself to the other dudes. 

I agree. Has he seen Aaron’s pearls or heard Devin’s voice? You’re good, Dylan. 

The losers make their way back to the other guys, forlorn and sad at the idea that they didn’t get a chance to interact with Jenn. It is decided that these guys will get first dibs during the rose ceremony cocktail party. Please note that no one shook on it, and at least one person had his fingers crossed.

Meanwhile, Aaron requests a private audience with Dylan. Devin loses his mind that Aaron can not seem to get his name right and criticizes his lack of depth. After calling Devin a bully, Aaron gives his nemesis a self-help book that he encourages him to read. Aaron wants to see Devin “do his best” and “win in life.” 

Ten bucks says that book was left in Australia and is being used as a coaster as I type this sentence.

ROSE CEREMONY

As the boys cross as a pack of suitors through the parking lot into the rose ceremony gathering place, I decide then and there that I shall root for the one with the longest pants. 

As I’m scrutinizing ankles, Devin is the first to take Jenn into another room before anyone’s lips touch their glass of gin. This is labeled DISRESPECTFUL, and Thomas will not tolerate it. 

Devin is deep into damage control when Thomas peers around the corner. Devin preemptively tries to warn Jenn how “chaos follows me” and how he’s not going to hide who he really is to impress. If this doesn’t set off some sort of internal alarm for Jenn, the fact that Thomas asks to speak with DEVIN should clue a girl in. 

I’m so proud that Jenn eavesdrops. 

Thomas claims that Devin swore that he would let the eight losers from the second group date go first during the cocktail party. 

Devin: “I didn’t say first.”
Thomas: “What the hell, bro!”

Devin: “Someone has to go first.”
Thomas: “Why does it have to be you?”

Devin: “Where would you like for me to stand?”
Thomas: “Ninth!”

Why this made me, and Jenn for that matter, laugh out loud is a testament to this show. Devin comes back around the corner and apologizes to Jenn while rolling his eyes at Thomas as if to warn Jenn of this guy’s uber immaturity. Then he meanders downstairs to report that Thomas made a fool of himself and has, therefore, set a very bad tone for the rest of the night. 

Jenn questions Thomas about his kerfuffle with Devin. When he shares that Devin promised to let other guys go first, it seems like a dumb thing to argue over for ten minutes. Jenn also points out that it’s not in their power to make decisions about who she gets to talk to. Especially when they leave her for ten minutes to bicker next door. 

She dismisses Thomas and practically runs to Sam N’s arms. Jenn confesses that Sam flusters her. He admits that she bothers him. Those two sentences create a combustion of sexual chemistry that will make Jenn think twice if she learns something negative about him. 

She also makes out with Jon-athon and Spencer, the pet entrepreneur, while Devin and Thomas whine in the driveway about respect and the fairness of life. Absolutely everyone looks exhausted by Devin’s constant talking, and all sing sweet praises to the good Lord when Uncle Jesse Palmer steps in to put them all out of their misery by clinking a champagne flute with a knife. 

Jenn tried to fake us out, but we all knew she was going to keep Thomas. Sadly, it’s Brian, Marvin, and Jahaan who are sent packing. Here’s hoping they don’t get lost in the bush and can make it home in time for a little bump in their social media followers!