If you’ve been around this podcast or even my recap for longer than a minute, you probably know the moment I checked out of Devin’s hometown date. Let me give you a hint. It started with the word “Running” and ended with the word “Club.”

Some Guy in Austin and I break down the intricacies of each hometown date and share our thoughts about pounding coffee after a mile hike in the heat, pounding champagne after a friendly game of lacrosse, and pounding donuts in a grocery store full of animatronics.

I’ll take the dancing milk carton and JV Chick-fil-A cow please, and thank you.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover 4th of July candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelors on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

Bachelorette Jenn Recap | Episode 6 – Defying Gravity

Once upon a time, I saw the Broadway musical Wicked and was forever changed by the story of a green woman named Elphaba and her popular roommate Galinda (the “ga” is silent). As these two ladies introduced me to another side of Oz, launching their friendship at the University of Shiz and getting into trouble at the Emerald City, not once did I think about Seattle. 

Not. Once. 

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover 4th of July candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelors on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

Devin
First One-On-One
Houston, Texas

In order to date Devin, one must enjoy running around Houston and have zero qualms about sweating profusely among the dozens of other people who are jogging alongside you in the humidity. Thankfully, one of the women in said group had an extra hair tie for Jenn, and that’s all she needed to joyfully join the fray. I’m so glad she wore leggings. 

I’m not sure where they were running because, as a local, I can tell you that Houston isn’t that pretty. Also, drinking coffee after a mile-long jaunt around the metropolis sounds miserable. You need not look further than Devin’s panting dog to understand how hot it was in that environment.

But who cares about that nonsense. Look! There’s a fun welcome sign in front of Devin’s mom’s house, just like the ones that announce “Happy Birthday” to elementary-aged children in all suburban neighborhoods. How darling.

Before we dive deep into Devin’s hometown, can we just take a moment to discuss his face and physique? Did Devin lose ten pounds during the break? I believe homeboy detoxed the impurities of three weeks’ worth of alcohol out of his system and allowed a stylist to touch his hair. He looked great!

Devin is quick to remind Jenn that he hasn’t introduced his family to anyone in ten years, so he needs to lean on her for support. Jenn is happy to oblige and the family pretty much loves her.

Devin’s mom can see that her son is happy. And why wouldn’t he be? Jenn is sweet and normal. And, she appreciates that Jenn understands what it’s like to not grow up with a father. What more could a mother ask for? 

Cut to that deadbeat dad sitting with Devin, talking about struggles in relationships. Devin shoots his father straight, claiming he knows how people can go through hard things in their lives, but he wants his children to grow up differently. 

Devin later admits to his mom that he does love Jenn, but he’s not ready to say it. He’s bothered by the other people in the mix. His mother suggests that Devin not hold back.

Sadly, the ABC Intern forgot to pack the roaming bench, and Devin had to stand up using his own two feet to tell Jenn goodbye before placing her in the black SUV. He knowingly follows his mama’s advice and looks Jenn straight in the face, and tells her he loves her. 

Jenn leans into his chest, arms wrapping inside his outerwear long-sleeved shirt, and wonders if this moment is real. 

Devin: It’s real! I’m real! Touch me!

Why is that the cutest thing I’ve ever heard? Do I like Devin? Is he the best choice for Jenn? What is happening? Have I been lured into his charm? 

The answer, dear reader, is yes.

Jeremy
Second One-On-One
Fairfield, Connecticut

Jeremy meets Jenn on the outskirts of a creepy-looking body of water. Jenn voices what we are all thinking, “Is this where you kill me?”

No, Jenn. The part where part of your soul leaves your body (in a good way) is the quirky grocery store Jeremy thinks is the best place to show you during his hometown date. Duh. 

If you look past the animatronics and dancing broccoli, there were some perks on this date. Donuts come to mind. And a lobster roll. Unfortunately Jeremy’s aunt happened to be at the grocery store and greets her nephew the second huge glops of butter drip down Jenn’s chin. But everything’s fine. Don’t worry about it. This is all for show. 

Both Jenn and Jeremy know he’s done. 

I will say that I was impressed that Jeremy can juggle. If you don’t know how you should practice. My roommate Lara taught me during COVID, and it has become one of my favorite things to randomly show people. They are always impressed by juggling and the fact that I can whistle really loudly without putting my fingers in my mouth.

And I can talk like I’m stuck underwater, but that’s another story for another day. Moving on.

Jeremy’s family is perfectly fine and perfectly NOT into this show. Bless his Jewish mother’s loving heart. Karen doesn’t grasp the concept of The Bachelorette, nor does she want her handsome son promising his heart to a random girl he met on national television. 

Emily, his younger sister, isn’t buying it either. She thinks there needs to be more to a connection other than, “We have a good time together.” Laughter is great! But shouldn’t their relationship have developed more? Shouldn’t they be further down this journey than laughing at JV Chick-fil-A cows in the grocery store?

Karen tells Jeremy that this is not a game. IT IS HIS LIFE. And don’t forget the small fact that she’s dating 24 other guys!

Jeremy quickly shuts his mom down by reminding her that he is one of the final four. Something is there for her to take him this far. 

Karen pounds the final nail into the inevitable coffin when she tells Jenn that she’s not sure if Jeremy is ready to go to the altar, but he might be. You know, if it was the right girl. 

That’s code for: You are not the right girl.

So Jenn asks Jeremy if he’s ready. They take a seat on the roaming bench and she listens as Jeremy waxes on of how Jenn makes him laugh. He’s happy because of her. That can only be translated as love. Newsflash: He’s falling for her!

Jenn smiles as if this makes a difference. Second newsflash: It does not. 

Jon-Athon
Third One-On-One
San Diego, California

Jon-Athon greets Jenn in the shortiest of shorts you ever did see on a man. She executes a rare Jump & Straddle™ and we all fear of what might pop out from his shorts or her crop top. 

Jenn and Jon-athon play lacrosse, befitting his love of romantic comedy montages. They cartwheeled, tossed the ball around in those stick nets, drank champagne, and discussed the meaning of love. Jenn wants Jon-athon to let those walls down, but he’s still stuck on that silly ex-girlfriend who broke his heart into a million little pieces. He does promise to try and do better, though. 

It’s hard. I get it. Especially when your brother meets a woman and tells her he loves her five seconds later. Then they get married another five seconds later. I get that Jon-athon’s sister-in-law is trying to support Jenn by assuring her that love at first sight is an actual thing! But it’s harder to compare apples to apples when Jon-athon has two other dudes (three if you count Jeremy, which no one does) in the mix. She’s trying to make it the same, but it’s not. 

Plus, it’s freaking Jon-athon out. 

We get it. No one wants to see Jon-athon hurt again. But kudos to Kristy (sister) who instructs her brother to GET IN THE GAME. She can see that Jenn is wavering because of the stupid wall Jon-athon carefully structured around himself. You have to play big to win big, bro! GO FOR IT.

This family understands the game. And Jon-athon is smart enough to listen to them. Jenn may stomp on his heart, but he’ll never know unless he gives it to her. So Jon-athon tells her that he is falling on that roaming bench and she responds that she’s falling right back. DO WE BELIEVE HER? I don’t know!!!

Marcus
Fourth One-On-One
Tacoma, Washington

Jenn runs to meet Marcus, and he lifts her into his arms. Then she wraps her legs around him. I’m calling it the Hoist & Straddle (trademark pending). He’s so strong. 

Marcus doesn’t require a pre-date run/grocery/lacrosse date. He takes her straight to his mentor’s house and tosses her into a full-swing party in his honor. She handles herself beautifully. 

There are two things I need to point out that I noticed on this date. 

First, Marcus tells his mentor that he’s been beating himself up for “not being in love with Jenn yet.” 

Uh oh. That does not bode well. I feel that Marcus is too logical for this show and has no interest in proposing marriage to someone on national television and then dating them for three years as they figure out life in the reality spotlight. 

Second, Marcus’ sister Gaby totally bonded with Jenn, and they even cried together. Gaby assures Jenn that Marcus’ heart is pure. He instinctively protects, and he struggles with vulnerability. 

Gaby tells Marcus that Jenn is sweet. Marcus admits that the speed of things is messing him up. Gaby wisely asks, “Let’s say you make it to the end. How will you feel?” 

Marcus says that he would be happy. And he has big dreams and goals for himself. One is to be a father. THEN HE CRIES. Gaby tells him he would be a wonderful father. Then she reminds him that love is scary, but very much worth it in the end. 

I AM TORN! I think they would be great together, but I just don’t think Marcus is going to get there in time. Sure, he tells Jenn he’s falling for her, but I think the producers made them all say that!

What’s worse is, for the first time in franchise history, we are treated to a dude hangout with all four guys. Devin, Jeremy, Jon-athon, and Marcus all sit around a table, drinking beers, sharing stories about how their hometowns unfolded.

WHAT IS HAPPENING? I love it so much.

Devin says he’s ready to get down on one knee today. Jon-athon mumbles a halfhearted agreement. Jeremy just chugs his Shiner because he knows he’s gone. And Marcus looks like he’s about to blow chunks. 

He’s not ready.

But he does accept the rose when Jenn offers it, which is a relief. Devin and Jon-athon do too. Jeremy giggles as Jenn chucks him on the shoulder, asking him to Snapchat her when he gets back home. 

How any of them were able to concentrate without looking at Jenn’s boob in that dress is a freaking miracle. Also, I think she needs to have that mole checked on the right one. I saw it in high-definition TV and I’m concerned.