Bachelorette Katie Finale Recap: What Will Aunt Lindsey Say?
I have thoughts. There are so many scenarios running around in this head of mine that I hardly know where to begin. But, never in the eighteen years of recapping this show have, I witnessed viewers display such strong feelings regarding the details surrounding the show lead’s final choice.
We all stood in solidarity, hating Juan Pablo with a passion. Arie dumping Becca on the yellow couch was devastating to everyone. We rolled our eyes as Brad Womack chose no one during his first trip to the Home Depot proposal pedestal.
And now, Bachelor Nation has been fractured down the middle because of Katie and Greg. As I mentioned last week, one must choose who to defend and who to scorn. You have to take a side. There is no grey area. Vacillating back-and-forth with not be tolerated.
For people-pleasers like me, the idea of selecting a team to support gives me hives. It brings back memories of my senior year Environmental Studies class at Baylor when a sorority sister forced me to pick between NSYNC and Backstreet Boys. Supporting both bands proved I was a wishy-washy fan girl. The rules of fandom dictate you can’t support both. Duh.
Yes, Justin’s tight blonde curls sent shivers up my spine in the “Bye Bye Bye” video, but I also appreciated the vocal stylings of “Everybody.” Can’t I honor both with CD purchases?
The answer is no.
Clearly, ABC wants us to pick a side when it comes to Katie and Greg, otherwise, they would not have opened the show with a fresh-faced, confident, power ponytail bachelorette sitting poised on the hot seat, ready to scratch Greg’s eyes out for speaking down to her on national television when she’s begging him to stay on the show.
Unfortunately, they make us wait a full two hours before crossing that particular bridge. First, we have to watch Katie come to the reality that Blake is “the one.” Oh, and she has to send that other guy home, too. His name is Justin.
Tayshia and Kaitlyn break the news to Blake and Justin that Greg has walked away from this journey.
Kaitlyn: Katie is emotionally devastated.
Tayshia: She is struggling over this news.
Lincee: She’s left with her third and fourth choices and is reeling in her feelings.
As you recall, the last we saw Katie on the show, she was sequestered in a bathroom, bellowing for someone to book her plane ticket home because SHE IS DONE. The ABC Intern fetches her contract and points to the section that requires the bachelorette to remain on the show until the final day of filming. Katie notices her initials in her own blood and huffs in annoyance. Let’s do this.
Blake is first up and doesn’t really know how to receive Katie’s fervent turmoil over Greg’s departure. He quickly brushes the thought aside, remembering that this is fantasy suite week.
Blake: This week is very important for me to see if Katie and I are compatible.
Lincee: Translation — Blake wants to take Katie for a spin before he commits to buying.
Katie convinces herself that Blake has always been there for her from the very beginning. He even crashed the show four weeks in to woo her into submission. How romantic is that?
They have a water balloon fight, but the balloons are filled with colorful paint instead of water. The couple rolls around on the ground, making out, before rinsing off in the portable hot tub. Katie takes this moment to tell Blake EVERYTHING, including how the departures of both Michael and Greg gutted her insides.
Then she confesses that she wanted to quit. Blake responds, admitting he “doesn’t play games with love,” and kisses her passionately.
At dinner, Blake goes all in. He shares that when Katie took off her high heels to play street hockey with his family, then scored a point and shouted “GO AMERICA,” he realized he BLEEPING loved her. And he’s BLEEPING really excited about a life with Katie.
Katie’s response? “Wow.”
Just when I think we’ve reached another “I like looking at you” milestone in this journey, Katie ditches her rule to wait to tell her future husband that she loves him until the end by leaning into Blake to say, “I BLEEPING love you so much.”
She pulls out the forgo card and skeleton key from the prop closet, and giggles her way to the fantasy suite where she and Blake can be sex-positive together. Let the test drive begin.
The next morning, Katie shares all the intimate details with Kaitlyn, claiming “last night was everything I hoped for, wanted, and needed.” I can also report that Katie was plenty satisfied many times.
Now Katie has to break the news to Justin that her heart belongs to Blake of all people. She chooses to have this very important conversation on a dusty old gazebo. Katie praises Justin for opening up and being vulnerable. Then she puts him in the rejection SUV and sends him home.
He’s immediately forgotten until Tayshia and Kaitlyn make Katie and Justin reunite in the studio. Justin knew he was in the final two by default, even though Katie claims that is an untrue statement.
Justin is a nice, handsome guy with an endearingly expressive face. He will be fine.
MEET KATIE’S SCARY FAMILY
Blake is super nervous about sitting down with Katie’s mom and Aunt Lindsey. He is putting extra pressure on himself because he is the only man they are meeting. Katie encourages her beau to be open and honest because nothing shocks their family.
Her mother is loud. Her aunt is cold. GOOD LUCK, BLAKE!
Right out of the gate, Katie’s mom wants to know what Blake does for a living. Great question, right? Blake answers that he is currently unemployed but will soon be working for a non-profit in Africa.
Right, right, right. So he would be moving from Canada (which is not the United States) to Africa (which is also not in the United States)?
Of course not. He won’t be full-time.
So the job isn’t full-time?
Yes, it is, but he is not in Africa full-time.
So, where will he be in the meantime? Canada?
UGH! QUIT ASKING SO MANY QUESTIONS!
Aunt Lindsey tells it like it is, people. She is woman. Hear her roar. If you don’t like it, who cares? You must be invited into their family. You are a vapor in the wind.
Like Blake, I’m scared.
Aunt Lindsey spends her alone time with Blake busting his balls for “flunking out of last season” and “being dumped twice.” Blake wants Aunt Lindsey to know that what ultimately matters is that he and Katie are on the same page.
Oh no, he didn’t…
Aunt Lindsey: You ultimately mean nothing. You better be secure as hell because, at the end of the day, you’re here because we want you here, not because we need you here.
Blake: I’ve lived through bad marriages and watched my parents BLEEP it up…”
Aunt Lindsey [interrupting]: Cute. That’s not the same thing. Watching a train wreck is different than being in a train wreck.
Like Blake, I’m scared. There’s nothing he can say to make Aunt Lindsey accept him.
Meanwhile, Katie’s mom points to the tattoo on her chest, which symbolizes the family motto: “We don’t put ourselves in a position where we have to rely on a man.”
When they switch around, things aren’t much better.
Aunt Lindsey doesn’t like that Katie will be on her own for a month or two if Blake is in Africa. Katie wisely retorts with a comeback that revolves around being an independent woman. She’s fine with moving to Canada or Africa. She and Blake will figure it out.
Katie beams, thinking she outsmarted and outplayed her doting aunt. No so fast…
Aunt Lindsey: Sounds like a lot of “Yes, sir” to me. How much is he willing to put into your happiness?
The woman has a wedding ring on, so she doesn’t hate the institute of marriage, I assume. However, she does put blinded fear into Blake’s heart, which makes him hesitate. Of course, we later learn that Blake’s inability to pull the trigger is a good thing. That means he was actually weighing his options, and, in the end, he picks Katie. Hooray!
I’m getting ahead of myself. Before Blake hurls at the thought of proposing, he and Katie must visit Felicia, who is an energy healer. She will help them take their relationship to the next level, which is super helpful since the next level is marriage. After a month of courting, I’m glad we have Felicia to cosmically speed things along.
She scoots the pair in front of separate bonfires, willing them to write all of their fears and insecurities on a piece of paper. Then, after a few moments, Felicia invites Blake and Katie to share their discoveries.
Blake talks about being picky about who he has dated in the past, but Katie is the bomb. Katie lists every fear and insecurity she’s ever had in her twenty-seven years of life. Methinks Blake didn’t really understand the assignment. Regardless, Felicia instructs the couple to shove their papers under the dress of one very tall, very creepy clown.
Even though they light that clown on fire, sending their worries and woes up in smoke, it will most definitely visit me in my dreams tonight. Thank you, Zozobra, for the pending nightmares.
On the day of the proposal, Tayshia takes over Uncle Neil’s duties and presents six different rings to Blake. Considering that Blake’s tongue has been down Tayshia’s throat on more than one occasion, I’m confused why Kaitlyn didn’t staff the black velvet-covered table.
Blake nearly hurls at the sight of all the diamonds and is incapable of making a decision. Finally, Tayshia notices Blake’s green face and reminds him that he is the one who risked it all for love.
Blake: Yeah, I was hoping to get an invite to Bachelor in Paradise. I was counting on Greg or Michael to be sitting across from you right now.
Oh my gosh. Can you imagine Greg and Michael coming face-to-face with Aunt Lindsey? She would have eaten them alive!
Blake hops up from the table, needing a minute. He claims his brain feels like scrambled eggs. Tayshia gives him an out. If he doesn’t want to propose, then he needs to let Katie go. Because it’s either engagement or NOTHING. Those are the rules. NSYNC or Backstreet Boys. Who is it going to be?
The sad part about this segment of the show is that the entire time Blake is hesitating, the camera shows Katie getting dressed in her emerald green ballgown and dragging the train of that gorgeous gown through the dusty road that is a New Mexican version of a proposal staging area.
Fortunately, Blake arrives, musters some courage, and walks to Katie, who pours her heart out like a certain floppy-haired brunette guy we all know.
Raise your hand if you wanted Blake to say, “I just love looking at you.”
Blake mumbles something about living out a fairytale. Then he tricks her by saying, “I can’t give you what you came here for…” and after ten seconds, finishes with, “because you deserve so much more.”
It’s an effort for him to drop down to one knee, thanks to the tight pants, but he does, and Katie sobs a shaky “YES” when he asks her to marry him. Tayshia and Kaitlyn run in their high heels to celebrate the happy couple, then toast themselves for a job well done. I truly think they both feel responsible for this union.
HELLO AGAIN, GREG
No one cares about the newly engaged couple. We have thirty minutes left of this show, and it’s time for Katie and Greg to be reunited.
Kaitlyn and Tayshia talk to Greg alone at first. Here’s what we learn:
- He didn’t know how unhappy he was until Katie showed him how happy he could be.
- He had never opened up to anyone like he did that night on the couch. He gave her everything in that moment and just wanted something back in return.
- Greg went to her room the next day because he wanted to get back on the same page.
- He feels the disconnect was that she didn’t want to fully open up to him.
- There is nothing he would have done differently.
- Everything happens for a reason and she found her person.
- He will be grateful to Katie, no matter what.
The girls invite Katie out, and it is clear that she is a woman with an agenda. Her face is stern. She sidesteps Greg without looking him in the face. There is no hug, and Greg receives the cold by scooting further away from her on the couch, giving her plenty of room.
Katie launches into her beef with Greg. Here’s what we learn:
- After watching back, Katie feels that Greg never intended to be engaged.
- How can he need validating, when all she did was validate him with roses and dates?
- The only explanation for his 180-degree turn after hometowns was that he wanted to escape potential engagement.
- How could she fill a hole in his heart, yet he can speak down to her?
- She doesn’t think Greg knows what love is and at the time she needed him the most, he ran away.
Greg is dumbstruck. He tries to assuage her anger by congratulating her that she found what she was looking for.
Katie: ABSOLUTELY I DID. I am very happy.
Then there is the issue of Greg potentially joining the show to further an acting career. Katie tells the studio audience that she’s heard Greg is not a shy guy. In fact, he’s a cocky boy from Jersey who knows exactly how hot he is, and that means he was acting with her the entire time. Who is the real Greg?
Katie then explains that she had three relationships going on simultaneously, and she was just the bachelorette. Greg apologizes that she felt “talked down to,” and Katie accuses him of gaslighting. She is utterly confused why Greg doesn’t want to apologize for the way he spoke to her.
Katie: You could have been a man and had a normal conversation instead of being so rude and dramatic and leaving without even saying goodbye.
Remember, she was on her knees, begging him to stay. Greg apologizes four more times, wishing he could go back and communicate differently.
I should point out that during this segment, Katie is physically and audibly angry. Her body language and the octave in her voice prove she is not happy with Greg. Additionally, the audience applauds when she mentions that Greg should be more of a man and when she mentioned gaslighting.
After the break, things lean a different way, and Greg’s responses receive applause. This is what we learn:
- Greg is sorry Katie questioned his integrity and who he is as a person. He felt he gave her his entire self. Greg didn’t know he would fall in love and find happiness.
- He was scared by terminology she used, playing the bachelorette role instead of just being Katie.
- He respected that she only wanted to say “I love you” to one person, but in turn, that made her withhold emotions he needed.
- Katie thinks that if Greg really did love her as he says he did, that “moment” on the couch wouldn’t have been a dealbreaker.
- Katie believes if she tells someone they are the one, their journey ends.
- Greg wasn’t asking for her to end her journey. He just needed to know how she felt. Just because she’s the bachelorette doesn’t mean she’s higher and he’s lower.
- Greg claims that when he was leaving, he emptied his heart out and she knew what he needed to hear to keep him there. She could have stopped it and she didn’t.
- He receives applause for this statement.
- This angers Katie and we can physically see her shut him out.
- She is irate that he gave her an ultimatum.
- Greg understands that’s annoying, but shouldn’t she know who she’s picking at this point?
Katie tells the girls that when Greg left, so did her feelings for him. It crushes Greg and Katie looks vindicated. Greg never raises his voice once and wishes Katie nothing but happiness.
Call me crazy, but does Blake look shellshocked? Is he upset by how passionate and emotionally driven Katie’s end of the conversation was with Greg? Does she still have feelings for Greg, or was Katie so overtly ugly to prove to Blake that he really is/was the one?
I’m not sure what actually happened this season. I am but a humble recapper who wants a good love story. But if I had to offer my opinion, here is a wild guess on what actually went down during Katie’s journey to find love:
Katie’s top three picks were Greg, Michael, and Blake. I think she likes these guys for three different reasons. Greg is the soulful, passionate one who loves deeply. Michael is the one who would put her on a pedestal every day of her life. Blake is the one with sexual chemistry, which we know is important to our bachelorette.
Greg is the head. Michael is the heart. Blake is the hormone. I can see if these three were the finale three, she wouldn’t necessarily know who she liked best going into hometowns.
Michael removes himself, which leaves Greg and Blake. Perhaps in Greg’s mind, Greg considers Michael the toughest competition. Since he’s polar opposites of Blake, and Justin isn’t technically a contender, Greg can’t help but assume he is the last man standing. All he needs is validation with words that do not use bachelorette terminology. He doesn’t want to hear “number one” or “front runner” or “you’re getting a rose.”
Katie wants all of the information in front of her before she makes an informed decision. I believe this consists of three separate phases. First, how does she fit with his family? Second, how does the guy fit with her family? Third, how do they fit in the bedroom?
Greg believes Katie should know after hometowns if he is the one. Does he need an “I l love you?” No. I believe all could be forgiven if Katie had just told him on that couch that night that his family was amazing, and she was overjoyed that she filled a hole in his heart. The end.
Katie is so angry at Greg. In my opinion, this means she still has feelings for him. She’s mad that her heart is broken. Remember, she wanted to leave when Greg went home.
Is Katie in love with Blake? I think she’s going to do everything she can to convince herself that the answer is yes. Is Blake in love with Katie? I think the guy wanted to be on the show, had a great time with a great girl, and extenuating circumstances left him with an Uncle Neil ring in his hand, bent on one knee.
Am I Team Greg or Team Katie? I think Katie is heartbroken and truly wanted to marry Greg. Greg, on the other hand, probably feels like he dodged a bullet. If you were my sorority sister in Environmental Studies and you made me choose, I would buy Greg’s CD for sure.
What about you? Do you think Katie and Blake will make it? What about Greg? Does it matter that he took acting classes? Were his tears genuine?
And who is watching Bachelor in Paradise? Sound off in the comments section!