Bachelorette Katie Recap: Cat got your tongue?
Bachelorette Katie Recap Episode 1
(Psst: Clicking on the guy’s name will take you to his Instagram account!)
Who knew that when Katie sauntered up to Matt James with an adult toy in hand, she would one day be forever memorialized as the twenty-fifth woman to hold the title of Bachelorette? She’s “sex-positive,” and if you don’t like it, you can hit the road, buster.
Based on the number of sexual innuendos during the limo exits, I think this season’s crop of men is totally cool with Katie’s catchphrase. Not to mention the handful of gentleman suitors who could barely string two sentences together due to Katie’s awesomeness. Buckle up, people, because ABC wants us to know that Katie is the best choice of all the rejects in Bachelor Nation. We are to embrace that this is happening.
With Clare’s mini-season, Tayshia’s sweat-induced journey, and Matt James’ controversial road to eventual happiness, one would assume that the ABC logistical team has COVID restrictions figured out by now. I’m sure they have more props from which to choose, other than the “decorations closet” at the LaQuinta Resort in whatever desert Tayshia found Zack in that cardboard taxi cab or Matt James’ tethered hot air balloon at the Nemacolin. I certainly have high hopes for Katie to procure at least one or two field trips to the outer banks of the Hyatt.
It is an unprecedented season, after all.
That’s right. As of this morning, Our Host Chris Harrison is no longer a part of the Bachelor franchise. After nineteen years serving as host, an agreement was made to pay the man “a mid-range eight-figure sum” to never speak of last roses and dramatic seasons again. So those reins have officially been handed off to franchise darlings Kaitlyn Bristowe and Tayshia Adams.
Instead of the calm, grounded leader who knows the ins and outs of everything Bachelor-related, ABC jukes in an entirely different direction by giving Kaitlyn and Tayshia permission to go full-on adult slumber party mode. These two women bring a certain je ne sais quoi that we’ve never experienced before on the show. I’m not sure if I should crack open a package of cookie dough and fire up the old VCR to swoon over Jake Ryan or appreciate the unique point-of-view these ladies bring to the table as they ogle men whilst eating fistfuls of popcorn.
Probably a little bit of both.
Katie is stoked that she has a girl squad to help her sift through thirty men to try and figure out who is here for the right reasons (right reasons). Her wish list is pretty simple. They need to be confident, but it’s okay to be shy. She needs a man who is cool with her sex positivity and is willing to be open and comfortable with that topic since it’s 2021 and all. However, he must understand that she is more than her vibrating Pavelka. She’s not opposed to making out on night one, but the dude needs to be chill. Also, the way to Katie’s heart is through her funny bone.
And her cat Tommy, as we will see with Connor, who DEFINITELY did his homework.
Kaitlyn and Tayshia nod in agreement. They all three squeal when the first limo pulls into the driveway. Katie adjusts her boobs in her fabulous red evening gown, smooths out her luscious brunette locks, and shoos Kaitlyn and Tayshia away so the men won’t be distracted by an unnecessary entourage of pretty people.
This is Katie’s night to shine. BRING ON THE BEAUS!
Aaron
26
Insurance Agent
San Diego, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: First of all, Aaron packed on another twenty pounds of muscle since shooting this profile pic. Upon exiting the limo, he seems relatively normal and appropriately nervous. Cut to Aaron picking a fight with Cody for no good reason. Do we blame alcohol for this sudden outburst of hate? Or is Aaron jealous of Cody’s relationship with Sandy? Time will tell.
Andrew M
31
Deputy District Attorney
Newport Beach, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: All we know is that Andrew M. looks like he should be in a rebooted version of The Brady Bunch.
Andrew S
26
Pro Football Player
Vienna, Austria
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Andrew S. arrives in an old-timey car from the 1920s and attempts to impress Katie with his fake English accent. Katie is a master sleuth and knew immediately when he mentioned that he had “traveled across the pond” to meet her, Andrew was full of bull. Duh. It’s COVID times. No one is traveling across anything right now. Get your head in the game, Andrew S.
Katie eventually settles into Andrew’s “alter ego” during their one-on-one time and even takes a crack at her own British accent. It was a little more Eliza Doolittle when she was clearly shooting for Lady Whistledown, but I’ll allow it. I should also note that Andrew S. is a front-runner and appears to go far enough into the season that Katie allows him to wrap her in his arms for comfort. Put him on your brackets, people! (PS: We have a bracket with our friends over at Last Night’s Game! Join us!)
Austin
25
Real Estate Investor
Mission Viejo, CA
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: Other than the bling around his neck which blinded you upon his exit from the limo, you don’t remember him.
Brandon
26
Auto Parts Manager
Queens, NY
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: His sweet hairdo was miraculously unfazed by the helmet he wore, zipping into the resort on a scooter. You also toyed with the idea of, “Why doesn’t Brandon tame that head of hair?” Then you realized that would result in a man bun or Trolls situation, and Brandon should stick to channeling Dave Navarro.
Brendan
26
Firefighter Trainee
Toronto, Ontario, Canada
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Brendan, eh, is the Canadian who has traded in his hockey stick for a fire hose. Funny enough, that is not a sexual innuendo. Brendan also L-O-V-E-S a shorty short or a tight-fitting suit. His luxury pomade contributes to his nickname, High Hair Brendan.
Christian
26
Real Estate Agent
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: If Christian’s Boston accent isn’t seared into your brain, his icebreaker certainly made an impression. [Christian holding a magic lamp] “I don’t know if there’s a genie in here, but I’m hoping we can rub one out together.” Keeping it classy!
Cody
27
Zipper Sales Manager
San Diego, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Cody is the one who matched Katie by bringing his favorite plastic blow-up doll to the party. According to Cody, Sandy has helped him get through the last few months, and he wouldn’t be the man he is today without her. Naturally, Katie couldn’t roll her eyes or declare Cody tacky since she broke the ice in the exact same way with Matt James. Therefore, Cody gets a rose. And Sandy’s eyes are gouged out by Kaitlyn’s perfect manicure.
Just kidding. Ten bucks says Sandy continues to make an appearance at least two more times this season.
Connor B.
29
Math Teacher
Nashville, TN
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: How could you forget? Connor, the Cat Man, committed to his feline character making every thespian whoever saw the Andrew Lloyd Webber award-winning musical green with envy. My man has puns. He paws at the door for someone to let him in, and he doesn’t let the Alpha males harsh his buzz. And when his painted-on nose and whiskers smear all over Katie as they suck face, he owns it like a boss. And she thinks he’s purrrrrfect.
Conor C.
28
Former Baseball Player
Costa Mesa, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Conor brings a baseball glove to the resort, hoping to “catch some feelings.” You wonder if his career truly is “former baseball player.” Then you mistakingly think that this Conor is the previous Connor who changed out of his cat costume. You realize you’re wrong when the Cat Man keeps popping up everywhere, mumbling about memories and Macavity.
David
27
Technical Product Specialist
Nashville, TN
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Precious David doesn’t know that Our Host Chris Harrison is banned from the franchise, thereby leaving no one to spray the asphalt with water to ensure that romantic sheen. It’s the only reason which explains the unfortunate length of David’s short pants.
Gabriel
35
Entrepreneur
Charlotte, NC
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: When you first read his bio, you are fairly certain that Gabriel is a Grade A Chach. In reality, he is the distant cousin of Chach, which is the weirdo creeper. Gabe doesn’t score any points by showing Katie “his favorite hug” and then breathing deeply into her neck region. Look alive, people. We are one basket of lotion away from perv.
Garrett
29
Software Marketing Manager
Salinas, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: You thought to yourself, “When did Conor C. have time to shave his scruff?” Newsflash: He didn’t
Greg
27
Marketing Sales Representative
Edison, NJ
Status: First Impression Rose
Why you remember him: My boy Greg is a bundle of nerves, and Katie thinks he’s adorable. I should note that Katie also thinks Greg looks like her ex-boyfriend. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? We shall see.
Greg further endears himself to Katie when he gives her one-of-a-kind jewelry made especially for her by his niece. He’s quick to point out that this necklace is not precious metals but colored macaroni. Everyone knows pasta is better than gold. Katie wears it with pride as Greg gushes over the wonder that is Katie. The “aw shucks” of the conversation is sweet, yet she follows that exchange with a round of “cat got your tongue” with Connor.
Katie’s rambunctious make-out sesh with the Cat Man leads you to believe that Connor will land the coveted first impression rose. That is NOT the case. Instead, Katie chooses to give it to Greg for validation. She wants Greg to feel secure in his standing, which is one level above the feline.
Hunter
34
Software Strategist
Houston, TX
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Hunter presents Katie with an upside-down fake fish, willing her to believe that he is “a catch.” The next time we see Hunter, he is crying in the season promo. Perhaps Connor continues his meta acting and eats his icebreaker?
Jeff
31
Surgical Skin Salesman
Jersey City, NJ
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: Yeah, Jeff never had a chance rolling up in his beat-up RV. Do we care that Jeff presumably lives in a Winnebago? Heavens no. We care that Jeff has not cleaned up the inside of his motorhome, offering Katie a seat on a pile of dirty laundry. There are dishes in the sink, an unmade bed, and filth everywhere. Was it a joke that didn’t land? Or is Jeff that guy? Someone who has purchased some skin from this man, please let me know. I’m intrigued.
John
27
Bartender
Pacific Beach, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: When John casually introduces himself, Katie murmurs, “that’s my type” as he walks away. When John turns to look back, confused, Katie giggles, wondering if he heard. Then we never see him again.
Josh
25
IT Consultant
Miami, FL
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: Baby Josh uses the universal language of math to win our bachelorette’s heart. “I’m sixty-percent optimistic, twenty-percent confident, and twenty-percent nervous.”
Katie is one-hundred-percent uninterested.
Justin
26
Investment Sales Consultant
Baltimore, MD
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: You wonder why Justin doesn’t try to win Katie with his artistic talent instead of relentlessly using the word “stroke” over and over again. Clearly, that would have worked since she stuck her tongue down his throat when he reveals his unfinished piece featuring a cluster of roses. His explanation about the middle being open, leaving room for him to receive the final rose, was slick enough to land him the first kiss of the night!
Was it passionate like Connor the Cat? No. Was it sweet and loving like Greg? No. Did anyone else lean in for the kill? No. Stroke for stroke, you can’t deny that Justin is in the top five for sure.
Karl 
34
Motivational Speaker
Miami, FL
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Karl makes you shake your head. Roll your eyes. Then utter an ominous moan from your gut, followed by a vicious sound from your mouth that you try to play off as funny. Eventually, you start shouting at the digital form of Karl on your screen just to SHUT UP already. I give you the resident know-it-all and all-around annoying character of the season, ladies and gentlemen.
Kyle
26
Technical Recruiter
Fort Lauderdale, FL
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: I’d like to say you remember Kyle’s handsome face, but you’ll probably remember his boxer briefs more. Bless it.
Landon
25
Basketball Coach
Dallas, TX
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: You remember Landon from the research you did going into the premiere episode. He has a bio picture, so you know he exists on paper. In real life? I have no idea where he was hiding. I’m guessing ball pit? Did he find love with Sandy? Who knows.
Marcus
30
Real Estate Agent
Portland, OR
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: {crickets chirping}
Marty
25
Dancer
Reno, NV
Status: No Rose
Why you remember him: Marty places a bunch of gemstones on the couch. He uses his large earring as a satellite to focus the energy from the rocks to communicate with his home planet. Katie is not impressed.
Michael
36
Business Owner
Akron, OH
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Michael gives Katie a sentimental watch that has been in his family for more than 200 years. He asks her not to lose it, then lets her in on the joke. He bought the watch at the airport. The purpose of his icebreaker: Time is precious. Spend it with the people you love.
And who does Michael love? His son. And his dog, whose name just so happens to be Tommy. SAMESIES! Now, is Katie ready for children? Based on her answer, I’m going to answer no. But that doesn’t get Michael down. He is ready to win Katie’s heart through bad dad jokes and declarations of affection that turn his cheeks crimson.
Mike
31
Gym Owner
San Diego, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Mike is our resident virgin who is totally fine with Katie’s stance on being sex-positive. Methinks his mind will change if and when he gets deeper into this journey.
Quartney
26
Nutrition Entrepreneur
Dallas, TX
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Quartney was quite the quipster when he quelled Katie’s questions concerning his name. The “Q” talk was clever until he made it dirty. With that said, I remember his name!
Thomas
28
Real Estate Broker
Poway, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: I’m telling you, Thomas was the first one out of the limo, and I asked out loud, “Who is this guy?” He is suave in a debonaire jacket, tall as a church steeple, and just sweet enough to make you believe he’s James Bond’s nicer brother who has a license to love instead of a license to kill.
If I had one note, it would be for the ABC Intern to provide Thomas with a handkerchief to wipe his sweaty brow. If he’s shvitzing this much indoors, how is he going to handle the desert?
Tre
26
Software Engineer
Covington, CA
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: Tre is the one who pops out of a truck bed full of plastic bubbles. I wanted him to say Bazinga, but it didn’t happen. He deems Katie a “baller” bachelorette and then makes friends with everyone on set, including the guy who sweeps up after everyone has gone home.
You will love Tre. You will adore Tre. And you will weep with Tre when Katie makes him mayor of her Friend Zone.
A Guy in a Box
James
Status: Rose
Why you remember him: This guy rolls the dice and stays hidden in a box for the majority of the night. The ABC Intern and ABC Psychotherapist roll him out onto the pavement, as he shouts to Katie that she can meet him later inside.
Katie appears irritated. How will she know who he is if she hasn’t seen his face?
You see, this is when Harrison would come in handy. He would pull her aside and remind Katie that this dude would be the guy literally still in the box OR the guy she doesn’t recognize from the group. It’s called the process of elimination.
Luckily, Justin and Michael roll the guy into an adjacent room, and he pops out of the box with great flair. I wanted his name to be Jack. But, alas, it’s James which is so close, you’d think he would have changed it and committed to the moment like a certain Cat Man I know. Anyway, James is straight out of a Gatsby movie. He’s in a beige three-piece suit, slicked-back hair, and enough confidence to make Karl scared that he’s not going to get a rose.
There you have it! What did you think about Katie’s first night? Do you have front-runners? How do you think Kaitlyn and Tayshia hosted? Sound off in the comments section. Please be kind and NO SPOILERS!
No! No! No! to the female hosts!
I so agree. I found last night annoying. I’m hoping it will get better and I will continue to watch just so I can follow the recaps better.
It isn’t any fun to read the recap without seeing the show. Lincee is the real reason we watch the show
Agreee !!! It was too much girl giggling for me. I miss CH. 🙁
They were great. And Katie obviously felt very comfortable with them. She never would have felt that comfortable with CH. You’re just outraged by this because Tucker Carlson told you to be mad about “cancel culture.”
First of all, I am very unhappy that our host Chris Harrison is no longer a part of the franchise. He WAS the show!!!
I do not at all like having the two female hosts. Not fond of either one of those women. We need a new male host to take over.
Did anybody else notice that a lot of the guys did one arm hugs? I found that odd.
I like Thomas, the first guy out of the limo. Love Justin and FIR guy. Not real fond of cat man. He seems very babyish. I actually liked James; the guy in the box.
I agree, Chris WAS the show!
No he wasn’t. He only appeared for mere minutes, and his appearance was pretty pointless at that. But Tucker Carlson told you to be mad about “cancel culture” so you have to be outraged by his ouster I guess!
I get not liking Tayshia and Kaitlyn specifically, but why does the host need to be male?
Best title ever, Lincee! I wasn’t sure if I’d watch this season but I enjoyed last night’s episode a lot. I didn’t miss Chris at all. Connor B was my favorite coming in just from the bios and he did not disappoint.
Super agree! I barely noticed Chris wasn’t there. LOVE Connor B!
Great recap as always.
Liked Katie a lot on night one and she was really cute on Jimmie Kimmel so it will be fun to see her navigate this season. Thought the blow up doll was so gross. Hope that isn’t around too long. Did miss OHCH a lot -just not the same without him.
I swore I wouldn’t watch this season, but here I am. Love your recaps. I’m 70 years old and I’m crazy about Greg. Not even a hint of arrogance in his adorable face. He’s my favorite.
Loved the nicknames! Bring on more! I think if Hunter had not gotten a rose, he would have lost it. So glad the RV guy went home. Does he know Dean?
Tayshia and Kaitlin prove it’s not that difficult to host the show.
Katie looked SO beautiful. I really like her and hope she doesn’t disappoint. I thought Tayshia and Kaitlin were adequate but, sure, there is room for improvement. I am probably in the minority but felt that our former host (OFHCH) was becoming staid and predictable so I am enjoying new hosts. Lincee’s blog is still the best part of my viewing experience and “wanting the guy in the box to be named Jack” had me giggling (although the box gag itself was dumb). Katie has some great choices!!
Never have warmed to Kaitlyn in any of her Bach Nations stints. Could have done with just Tayshia who I find warm and engaging. The two of them trotting out to say “this is the final rose tonight” then come back in 30 seconds to say “if you did not get a rose say your goodbyes.” was ridiculous. As was the constant giggling and viewing from the window like a couple of pervs. I miss Chris! Liked Katie but if I hear “sex positive” I’ll go postal!
I agree, it was awkward when both Kaitlyn & Tayshia walked out side by side and together announced final rose. To me that moment came across like a clique coldly saying “you can’t sit with us”.
That being said, it was fun watching K&T peeking thru the window with their bucket of popcorn as the men arrived. But don’t need synchronized hosting the whole time.
I think it will work better if they break the host duties up between K&T throughout the show. To better fit with their personalities, maybe K drops off date cards and T does rose ceremonies. Then they both can be together with Katie when there are dates that have judging panel.
Isn’t that what Chris did?
Yes, that’s what Chris came out and said too. It was having both Kaitlyn and Tayshia walking out and saying the “this is the final rose” lingo in unison that felt awkward and off putting.
I am disappointed Chris is leaving the show. But definitely open minded to having things shaken up a little. Things just need to be done right if they hope to win over Bachelor Nation. And the awkward rose ceremony hosting was definitely a miss in my opinion.
I didn’t miss Harrison. I could do without Kaitlyn. But I liked Tayshia. Katie looked really beautiful and I thought she handled things well. She seemed pretty nervous at first, but I think once she saw how nervous the guys were, that she focused on helping them feel less nervous which I think helped calm her own nerves. I’m looking forward to seeing how this develops. (I was not thrilled to see in the previews that Blake from Claire/Tayshia’s season would be crashing the party. I want him to GO HOME.)
Originally, I thought I didn’t like Blake either, but then I remembered that he was the one that had a “rager” during the massage date with Taysha. I have a feeling they may actually connect on that level. Plus, he was so smiley when he was dating Taysha. Not that I like when oldies crash the party, but Blake may actually fit in with this group
Love Katie. Love Tayshia. Lukewarm on Kaitlyn (she’s, like, fine I guess). Barely noticed Chris Harrison wasn’t there. Unpopular opinion in this group but I never really understood why everyone loved him so much? He always came off as personality-less and cold to me, very obviously just going through the motions to make his money with no actual emotional investment in what was going on. For those above who said Chris WAS the show, what show were you watching? He was never onscreen for more than like 30 seconds an episode. Plus I welcome any opportunity to bask in Tayshia’s warmth and gorgeousness. I thought she and Kaitlyn giggling through the window was cute, and they’ll be FAR AND AWAY more useful as advice-givers to Katie than Chris Harrison has ever been to anyone.
Oh, and the guys. I high key loved Connor the Cat. As a cat lady myself I too would have probably been very endeared by him. Greg and his pasta necklace were also very sweet and cute. I enjoyed Tre and his ball pit. Here for Justin because he’s my hometown boy (Baltimore represent) and my friend knows someone whose sister dated him (or something), but I could have done with a few less sexual innuendos from him (and everyone). Box man was annoying. The motivational speaker guy is annoying. Also I swear to God there better be a reason that they’re bringing Blake back. Like I hope Katie specifically said she was into him or something and they’re not just pulling the same thing they did with Heather on Matt James’ season. That storyline was so boring and pointless.
I agree with you about CH, he really seemed disinterested especially in the last few years. I’d love to see someone really good at engaging people and asking interesting questions be the host (I think the job is still open as it’s been stressed that Kaitlyn and Tayshia are ‘mentors’ or something temporary). I was pleasantly surprised by how much I liked the energy of Kaitlyn and Tayshia and I think it gave Katie a boost of confidence and excitement.
I agree about CH… he was hardly present the last few seasons and I wasn’t crazy about some of his atfr interviewing. I don’t get why we need 2 hosts tho. It seems overdone. I would have preferred just Tayshia.
What is the deal with all the short pants?!?! I don’t understand that fad at all!!
Agree!! Too many of them channeling PeeWee Herman!! High water pants are hideous. These guys need a class in fashion/good taste.
100% agree on the short pants! I was both shocked and highly amused.
Looooved Kaitlyn and Tayshia! I went into this season completely uninterested but I found their vibe enchanting
Yes I’m pretty here for it. Bachelor/ette has had a few not so great seasons recently and I think the facelift is very much needed.
Really laughed at the “trolls situation,” “someone who has purchased skin from this man,” and hoping his name was Jack. Looking forward to your recaps this season! I wasn’t a huge fan of Katie last night — something seemed off, but I’m not sure what. It might just be that I don’t care for her voice or demeanor. I’m sure she will be fine (I didn’t particularly dislike her in Matt’s season), but I am not very excited about her. And I don’t understand so much focus on sex. But whatever. I am very bummed about CH for many reasons. I’m open to another host, but it certainly will not be the same without him.
There’s so much focus on sex because Katie made a joke one time with a vibrator about how quarantine was lonely and abc hasn’t been able to let it go since, and apparently all the guys took it as a green light to make endless sex jokes and innuendo. The guys’ sex jokes were mostly pretty eyeroll-inducing, but I am glad to see the show feature a non-religious lead who doesn’t assign arbitrary rules and made up morality to female sexuality. This show has given harmful and toxic purity culture rhetoric a platform way too many times, and it’s refreshing to watch them come at the topic from the completely opposite direction for once.