Bachelorette Katie Recap | Week 6

I feel like I ask this question every season in the past couple of years, but have we reached a new low? Did Katie actually suggest a “fun idea” for the guys to “not partake in self-care?” 

Being pure as the driven snow, I stumbled through Katie’s phrasing. Luckily, Kaitlyn and Tayshia were right there with me, asking the questions that were bouncing around in my own brain.

Kaitlyn: “Like, you don’t want them to shower?”
Tayshia: “You mean they stop shaving?”

Katie does a great job not rolling her eyes at the women sitting before her who are clearly not embracing their own sex-positivity vibes. 

Katie: “You know, partaking in SELF CARE. Giving themselves a little friendly handshake is off-limits.”

The former bachelorettes, and every person watching in Bachelor Nation, react to Katie’s graphic definition. Tayshia’s mouth drops open. If Kaitlyn’s eyebrows could move, they would have reached her hairline. 

And if Kaitlyn Bristowe, of all people, is uncomfortable, I know Operation WoWo is going to force me to permanently reside behind the couch cushion. I’m sure I can live a happy life deep in its crevices. There’s probably a couple of lost M&Ms to offer sustenance, and I have the little voice in my head muttering “pineapple, pineapple, pineapple” to keep me company. 

Oh, you don’t know what WoWo stands for? Yeah, neither did I. Remember, I’m pure as the driven snow, etc. After some light research, I’ve learned WoWo stands for “week off, wank off” or “week off, whack off,” depending on the area of the world where you live. 

It’s kind of like theater and theatre, but not. 

Do I like Kaitlyn and Tayshia as “hosts” of this show? Not really, but at this moment, Kaitlyn shines. She’s utterly confused. She asks the logical questions we all wonder. Why is this a “fun challenge,” and how can this help her find a husband, and are we using the honor system? Will Katie be abstaining from her Pavelka, too? 

Kaitlyn draws the short stick and waltzes into the sunken living room to share the Operation WoWo news with twelve guys who look like she just kicked their puppy. The only one who shows no emotion is Mike, who has been the master of his domain for his entire life. (Shoutout to Seinfeld. Let’s give credit where credit is due, people.)

Kaitlyn cackles at the brood of forlorn faces staring back, instructs everyone to hold off of the lotion and suggests they stay out of the shower. #pineapple

Then we are treated to all the guys blessing us with their alternate names for “self-care.” No more getting jiggy with it.

I bet Will Smith is so proud his iconic song from 1998 has been transformed into such lovely slang. Maybe this is when you know you’ve arrived as a celebrity? 

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE
Justin

This is our dark horse. I think he’s receiving a generous edit. She has to like him way more than what the film reflects. I believe he will be in our final four due to the process of elimination. I’ll explain more about that later in the recap. 

Justin and Katie are going to be fake married on their date. I think we can conservatively pontificate that this pair has spent a collective total of eight hours together. So having one create vows and play dress up in wedding gowns just makes sense. 

Putting the ABC Intern in charge of procuring Katie’s attire was a mistake. He obviously snagged a long, silk nightgown from the hotel gift shop’s lingerie section, thinking it would work for this train wreck of a show. This is why the wardrobe department was forced to add long strands of beading down the back, plucked from one of the chandeliers in the grand ballroom. Without a doubt, Katie’s veil was ripped from the petticoat of a square dancing costume, worn by the Walker Family Singers who typically perform on weekends when Covid isn’t ruining everything. 

What I’m saying is that Katie looked a little rough. 

But that doesn’t stop her from picking a huge bush-worth of eucalyptus and wildflowers for her bouquet and slow-stepping down the leaf-littered path in the woods to her dashing husband-to-be in a slick tuxedo. He stands under an archway made of grapevine, and I suddenly understand why Katie’s dress is the opposite of pretty. This is where the ABC Intern spent his morning. He simply ran out of time after braiding all that wicker together. 

Justin pulls out his hand-written vows. You know, the ones that Franco Lacoste helped him write? If you wanted to woo a woman and tell her how much she means to you, the guy in a rainbow sequin dress is the one to help you do it. 

Justin’s vows are sweet. However, Katie’s vows definitely beat his. She may not know Justin’s last name, but she does know enough to include all sorts of artsy imagery in her declaration. He is the pain that colored her world, and their marriage is a canvas. Poor Justin is moved to tears. I’m so glad Franco was there with his camera to capture this beautiful moment as they pronounce each other man and wife. 

The fake honeymooners head to dinner. Justin looks great. Katie is in a black sparkly jumpsuit, looking very much “LIZA WITH A Z!” She confesses that the day’s festivities were hard for her. The idea of walking down the aisle by herself was sobering since she knows her father will never be there to do that for her in the real world.

What makes things even crazier is that her mother recently told Katie that the father who just passed away is not her biological father. PS: That guy wants to be in her life. 

Let’s break this down. Justin and Katie just pretended to have an actual wedding, complete with vows and kissing the bride. Now she tells him something extremely personal and arguably brand new information, and he handles himself like a champ. He wants to support her and be there for her through it all. The good and the bad. 

Here’s hoping Katie has an actual therapist on set because she can’t keep divulging all of this deep, dark information to a bunch of relative strangers. I digress.

Katie hands her husband the date rose, and she escorts him out to an adjacent room where MAX, who seems to be wearing one of Connor’s shirts, is ready to serenade the newly married couple. 

Much like WoWo, I have no idea who MAX is and why he feels it necessary to identify himself without a surname or band name. I believe one earns this right of passage when one reaches an iconic level of entertainment stardom. There is only one Madonna. One Cher. One Adele. One Beyoncé. MAX needs to calm down. 

Justin and Katie kindly sway back and forth and make out a little as MAX lip-syncs into the microphone. They seem content to let this guy be the soundtrack to their new lives. 

GROUP DATE

Katie tells the guys that they are halfway through the journey and she needs to find her king. What better way to do that than having the boys throw shade at each other under the careful guidance of a couple of drag queens. 

This is how you find a husband, ladies and gentlemen. 

There’s just one problem. The guys aren’t willing to roast one another at first. James executes a lovely minute-long soliloquy about the wonder that is Katie. The drag queens HATE IT. Greg delivers an original poem. They grill him. 

Then the Canadian steps up and says, “Hunter, you put yourself in the top four. You’re in my bottom four.” Katie’s mouth drops open. Hunter claims he never said such a thing. Aaron and James beg to differ. They heard it, too.

ROLL THE TAPE. 

It really baffles me how these jokers forget that every moment of their lives is filmed. We saw Hunter tell Greg that they, along with Connor, were definitely in the top four. Why would he lie?

The drag queens give Hunter a chance to respond. He tells Katie that he’s falling in love with her. Tre coughs, indicating the BS of that statement. All eyes turn to him as he explains he just heard Hunter tell one of the drag ladies that he wasn’t in love yet and didn’t want to cheapen the moment by rushing it along. Hunter denies any such claim.

ROLL THE TAPE. 

Hunter refuses to insult any of his fellow bachelors. Instead, he promises to love and cherish Katie forever, never taking her for granted. She smiles and giggles. The other boys hang their heads in defeat. 

At the cocktail party, the front-runners prove why they are in the lead. Michael thanks Katie for allowing him to participate in “verbal combat.” Andrew confesses that he is “starting to feel this.” Greg receives validation in the form of “I’m falling for you” from Katie. And Blake shares the frequency with which he is whipping taters during his alone time.

I have no words. 

Aaron, James, and Tre talk smack about Hunter during their precious alone time. 

Hunter arrives, trying to salvage anything he can from the beating he took at the shade-throwing contest. Ever the manipulator, he reminds Katie that she was the one who stood up against the bullies during Matt James’ season. He can only speak for himself and stay on his side of the street.

Katie mumbles that this altercation is really bad timing. Then she rushes to the bathroom to throw up. Is it food poisoning? Maybe she’s drunk? Is she physically ill from this process? Where are Tayshia and Kaitlyn? 

Katie returns to the group huddle. I hope someone gave her a breath mint. She weakly smiles at the guys and tells them she’s calling the party so that she can go puke in peace in her own bathroom. The same bathroom we see Kaitlyn camping in front of during the coming attractions. She doesn’t hand out a rose, and tempers flare. 

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE
Connor

Connor slides into his deep V-neck t-shirt, and dusty rose shorts. He is excited to have an entire day alone with Katie. He adjusts his dainty thin necklace and heads out to meet his sweetheart with an extra pep in his step.

Unfortunately, Katie decides to invite another couple to share her alone time with Connor. You can see the letdown in his face when she screeches at the sight of Kaitlyn and Jason waiting for them in the courtyard. 

I assumed they were going swimming since everyone had on some sort of bathing suit attire. Katie went for a librarian / MTV Beach House vibe with some denim panties, a blue bikini top, and a sensible cream-colored cardigan. 

They begin the day with a friendly game of volleyball. Connor fails miserably. Then they compete to see which couple can roll a coconut from waist to neck the fastest, without using hands. Connor fails miserably.

Connor wins no points as he watches Jason grill hamburgers and hot dogs. He playfully shouts to Katie, “How do you like your hot dog?” But, unfortunately, the sex-positive personality doesn’t catch the innuendo and answers, “a little crispy” instead of long, juicy, or savory. 

Sorry for writing that, Mama. 

Here’s where things get interesting. Both Jason and Kaitlyn seem to be aggressively rooting for Connor to show up on this date. As the couple visit on a bench, Jason and Kaitlyn creepily watch from afar, begging Katie to give Connor a chance. 

This means that Katie has voiced her reservations. This theory is multiplied when Kaitlyn tells Jason that for Katie to “one-hundred-percent know,” the kiss must be incredible. 

Connor pours his heart out to Katie, and she smiles politely. The music swells, and he goes in for the big kiss, and she accepts. Kaitlyn and Jason rejoice in the bushes by the swimming pool.

The next shot shows Connor unbuttoning his shirt to his navel, prepping for his big dinner date. Then, we see Katie knocking on his door — in a sweatshirt and high-waisted jeans. Uh oh. 

Katie falls into his arms, weeping. Bless Connor’s heart. Because he has very little information to go on, I’m sure he’s thinking Katie is suffering from a migraine and therefore must cancel, or she’s devastated because her cat died. I don’t think in a million years he would have guessed that he’s about to get the boot. 

When she finally gathers enough oxygen to speak, she shares, “The more I learn about you, the more I realize what a great man you are.”

That was all it took. Connor sees the light. And he generously calms Katie’s nerves by admitting that he “knows where this is going.” He promises her that things will be okay. Connor’s first tears drop when she mentions the kiss and how something was missing. A spark. But she will cherish the song he wrote her forever.

Something tells me Katie will be the subject of future songs Connor will write as well. If it works for Taylor Swift, it can work for the Cat Man. 

Connor meanders into the sunken living room to tell the guys that he’s going home. The news DESTROYS the bros. Everyone is crying and clinging to Connor in death grips. No one is more upset than Greg and Tre. Perhaps they will have songs written about them, too. 

We find Katie sobbing in her room, wiping her snotty nose on the sleeve of her hoodie. Suddenly, she hears music playing. She wanders out onto her balcony and spies Blake holding up a boombox playing a song that was NOT “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel. 

She beckons for Blake to come up, and she meets him in the hallway. Katie apologizes for looking so pitiful, and Blake shushes her, proclaiming he likes her “raw.” Then he presses her up against the hotel hallway wall (Arie and Emily Maynard style) and kisses her senselessly. She invites him into her room, where they make out against the balcony, against another wall, on the couch, and in the hallway again.

Connor who?

Katie loves to see Blake’s romantic side. Or rather, the producer’s romantic side that Blake executes. Katie gushes, knowing she and Blake are overflowing with passion. Blake admits he’s falling for Katie, and he believes she’s falling for him, as well.

No one mentions the word love. That will be a big plot point for Blake later on in the season. 

ROSE CEREMONY

I’m not sure why Katie let the drag queens do her makeup for the rose ceremony, but I hope she rethinks that decision in the future. Details. Because she is tired of drama and snitches, Katie decides that she will not have a cocktail party before the rose ceremony. When the guys line up, she calls Hunter’s name first, and the world loses its mind. 

Instead of pinning the bud on his lapel, Katie asks for Hunter to follow her outside. She takes the rose with her like a boss. Katie asks Hunter one more time to defend himself against the allegations against him, and he does a mediocre job complying. As a result, she withholds roses to anyone associated with the Hunter drama, including Hunter himself. 

FIVE guys go home in week six. Connor the Cat, Aaron, James, Tre, and Hunter. That leaves Justin, Blake, Andrew, Greg, Michael, the Canadian, and Mike the Virgin left. 

If you’ve seen the promo for this season, I think we can easily narrow this down to the top three. I believe Blake, Andrew, and Greg are sure things. But who does the last spot go to? We know Michael self-eliminates to be with his son, so he’s out. And I don’t see how the Canadian can make it to hometowns. So that leaves Mike the Virgin, who we know from footage gets a one-on-one, and Justin. 

My guess is that Justin takes that fourth spot. Thoughts? Am I right? Or does Mike get the last hometown date? Surely not the Canadian. What do y’all think? And remember, NO SPOILERS!