Bachelorette Katie Recap | Week 7

Hell has officially frozen over. Pigs are flying. There must have been a blue moon last night because Andrew has left the building.

I repeat: ANDREW has left the building. 

This is what we call creative editing, people. We all have to get on board and accept the fact that Katie must have ridiculous, over-the-top, can’t help but notice chemistry with Justin. 

Oh, you don’t know Justin? I totally understand. Justin is the one whose name you forget. Eyebrows. Great facial expressions. Looks good in a tux. He’s not the Canadian, or Blake, or Greg, or the single dad, or Andrew. He’s that other guy that’s in the background. 

I will be the first to admit that I did not have Justin in my final four. However, due to that scream-worthy moment when Katie called the artist’s name instead of beloved Andrew, I now have to come at the season from different angles to try and figure out what’s bumping around in Katie’s head. 

First of all, the Canadian is oot. I don’t blame him for pushing all his chips in when he learns that he is the only man left who has not received a one-on-one. Unfortunately, he thinks he can talk his way into a hometown and receives a one-way ticket back to Vancouver International. 

Greg

The first one-on-one date of the episode goes to Greg. This can mean one of two things. One, Greg is the man to beat. Or two, Greg needs all the validation he can get, and what better way to do that than to make sure he’s the only guy who scores a second one-on-one of the season. 

Other signs that point to Greg as our front-runner:

• Greg and Katie accidentally wear matching outfits. MFEO?
• She can toss a fish that slaps his face and he doesn’t get mad. 
• He’s totally cool with her gagging on an oyster and then hurling the remnants into a bush.
• Chewing bubblegum and sticking it to a wall next to eighteen wads of the ABC Intern’s gum seems whimsical and fun. 
• People fall in love when they kiss in the rain. 

So, where does that leave the other dudes? Well, they are forced to partake in an erotic art class, but I’m going to skip right over it because nothing has me shouting pineapple more than flowers that represent certain parts of neither regions. 

Cocktail Party

The cocktail party is where we sleuth out more information. If we concentrate hard enough, we can look beyond Katie’s bright pink sparkly dress and really hone in on what’s being said in her alone time with each man.

Blake takes round one. He E-X-U-D-E-S confidence. He casually drops that his mum will love Katie, assuming he will receive the rose that allows Blake to introduce her to Katie. Then he validates the crap out of her, quick to point out that he is not yet “in love.” He follows that statement with, “But I know it’s coming.” Smooth.

Next up is Justin. He presents a moody piece of artwork with butterflies, which represents how Katie has helped him grow and evolve. This makes me throw up a little in my mouth. Katie cries. Then they make out. It literally ate two minutes of time off the clock. 

Sweet Michael takes the third position, and Katie wants to know if Michael is ready for this step. She never wants to force him into anything where he isn’t ready. Michael tosses the hot potato back in her lap, asking if she’s ready to be a mom and what will that look like? Katie promises she will help with the juice boxes and condiments, and this puts Michael at ease. 

That’s it? Parenting 101 is juice box wrangling and a condiment smackdown? Who knew? Although I’m having trouble understanding the condiment bit. Opening Chick-Fil-A sauce is hard, and kids spill? Ketchup stains are hard to get out of tiny clothing?

The kicker that punches Michael in the feelings box is when Katie says, “If it’s us in the end, we will figure it out as we go.” All caution will be thrown to the wind. It’s a no-holds-bar attitude, and Katie will live life to the fullest, packing school lunches and toting little people around in a big van. Love is worth it.

Does that sound like the Katie we know to you?

Michael stares deeply into Katie’s eyes and swears no one will love her the way he could love her. The fact that she’s never met his son must be one of those details where they will figure it out as they go. He does NOT ask permission and dives in for a passionate kiss.

And then there’s my boy Andrew. If you remember, Andy is a football player overseas. He admits that he doesn’t know what he will do if he quits the sport, but he’s willing to give it up for Katie if they want to make this thing work. 

Katie regurgitates the same speech from moments before, but she substitutes “kid” or “juice box” with “sports” and “athlete,” wholeheartedly assuring Andrew that they will figure it out as they go. If that means they are living in two different places, so be it. Love is worth it.

Andrew melts at this answer. He is over the moon that Katie has so much faith in him as a man. He recreates their one-on-one date from a few weeks ago. And by “he,” I mean the ABC Intern repurposes all those Christmas lights and hangs them from a courtyard at the resort. He hoists Katie into the air, she plucks an envelope, and smiles as she reads, “I’m falling for you.”

Awwwwwwww. Wouldn’t you expect him to get the date rose? Most normal people did. That precious bud goes to Michael instead, and all I could think about for the rest of the episode was how Michael was going to opt-out and Andrew would get a default rose somehow. 

Spoiler: That didn’t happen.

Bless His Heart

Before I break down what I think will happen based on the events that unfolded last night, there’s one more guy I have to acknowledge. Mike. Bless him.

History has proven that the producers are straight-up mean. If you put on your application form that you are scared of heights, you better believe they will have you parachuting from a plane faster than you can say, “Jesus take the wheel.” You’re deathly afraid of sharks? Here’s a tank full of hammerheads. Did your husband die on a race track? Too bad! Hop into this Formula One! Did you have a terrible experience with bumper cars? You need counseling.

Naturally, Mike will have to do something involving almost losing his virginity on national television. And Cuddle Queen Jean is just the expert to help him do that.

Hey, at least it wasn’t rolling around in paint or learning a few techniques from a sex guru. 

Cuddle Queen Jean asks Mike and Katie to simply hug, and both suffer from a fit of giggles. They can’t stop laughing at the awkwardness of this simple request. Cuddle Queen Jean becomes very angry and insists that her pupils breathe and accept the nervous energy, replacing it with tranquility. 

In the next scene, Cuddle Queen Jean is MIA. I assume she stormed off to her hut in the woods, aghast that Mike turned beet red when Katie mounted him cowgirl style. I guess her thighs were cuddling his hips? Fortunately, someone wise suggests they try something a little more PG, and we have to sit through five minutes of them literally spooning on an afghan spread out over fallen leaves. 

I knew things were going downhill when Mike told the camera that Katie reminded him of his mother. Ouch. 

Mike shares a little bit about his choice not to have sex, and Katie thanks him and vows never to be quick to judge people who want to save themselves or marriage. After a few more minutes of spooning, Mike whispers into Katie’s ear, “I’d rather have my heart broken a hundred times over than break someone’s heart.”

Her entire facial expression changes. To no one’s surprise, Katie sends Mike home in his white linen cult outfit, which will probably be super comfy on the flight back home to his mom. 

Rose Ceremony

This leads us to the rose ceremony. So far, Greg and Michael have the two hometown dates. Katie calls Blake as her third, waits a good sixty seconds, takes five cleansing deep breaths, and blurts out Justin’s name as I throw popcorn at the television screen.

I should point out that Katie does escort Andrew to the rejection bench. After apologizing over and over, she admits that she couldn’t look his mother and sister in the eye when she knew that she could not give him one-hundred-percent of what he deserved.

Put a pin in that bold statement.

Katie sags into her electric hot pink dress when Andrew mumbles that he will forever hold her dear in his heart. THEN THEY BOTH WEEP INTO EACH OTHER’S ARMS.

This is not an exaggeration. Katie and Andrew were both a hot, snotty mess. I can easily compare it to the guys’ reaction when Connor the Cat was kicked off the show. EMOTIONS.

Andrew slides into the rejection limo, and Katie sobs, executing a perfect Crouching Tiger Hidden Mesnick – Barbie Edition (if you know, you know). Once again, I ponder out loud, “Where are Tayshia and Kaitlyn? Isn’t this their job?”

The next morning, we find Katie forlorn in her room. A knock interrupts her doldrums, and when she opens the door to see Andrew’s smiling face, joy exudes from both parties. Why is Andrew here? Well, he didn’t want to leave on such a sad note, of course. 

Speaking of notes, he has one for Katie, but he doesn’t want her to read it until he’s gone.

Andrew bids Katie farewell, the door shuts, and she rips open the card. The cameraman takes about three seconds too long to zoom in on the handwriting, but he finally stops Blair Witching enough for the viewing audience to grasp the gravity of what was written.

“If you change your mind, I’ll be waiting.”

Hallelujah! Bachelor Nation rejoices as Katie books it through the resort, screaming Andrew’s name. She finally spies him as the music swells. She flurries down a flight of stairs and launches into his open arms just as the big crescendo reaches a dramatic chord. 

Abruptly, the soundtrack stops. Uh oh. Andrew gently places Katie on the ground and begins to walk off into the sunset, right as Katie asks, “If there was a way to stay longer, would you stay?”

No ma’am. You rejected him, sister. He is officially off the market. BYEEEEE. 

Andrew stays strong, reminding Katie that he wants his future wife to pick him. Then he kisses her and drives away.

If that’s not a promo for Andrew’s bid to be the next bachelor, I don’t know what is. 

Let’s start there, shall we?

Theories

Do you think the producers made Katie get rid of Andrew this week, knowing he was not in her final three? I believe Greg and Blake take turns vacillating between husband and runner-up. It’s the classic guy-next-door with floppy hair versus the sex-positive mountain man. Things are easy and right with Greg. Things are hot and heavy with Blake. 

What about Michael? Michael is a special case since he is a package deal. Is Katie ready to be a mom? She’s certainly optimistic enough to give Michael a rose to prove it. That says a lot to me, assuming she would have to meet James before she can truly make an informed decision. 

That leaves Justin and Andrew. Is Justin receiving a special edit to cover up the chemistry? And what does it say that Katie wept like a baby when Andrew left? Or the fact that she essentially asked him to stay? 

If you watch the promos for the rest of the season, there’s a moment where it appears that Michael self-eliminates because he misses his kid. There’s also a shot of Katie telling the camera that the guy she was supposed to be with may have just gone home. 

Additionally, there are several shots of Greg flipping out. It’s a tale as old as time. “How can you love him and love me at the same time? We’re nothing alike!” 

What do you think? Was Andrew’s exit a surprise? Is it Greg’s to lose? Sound off in the comments, and remember, no spoilers!