Bachelorette RacBachelorette Michelle Recap | Fantasy Suites

Well, dear readers. Michelle has decided on the final two who will continue to galavant around Mexico, vying for her heart. We all have to be okay with it, even though her choice doesn’t technically make sense. 

Let me be clear — Joe is going to be okay. I’m sure Tayshia is doing everything she can to mend his wounded heart, but that’s another post for another day. Some of us could see the writing on the wall. Joe was too much like Tayshia. He was the relationship that made sense. In most cases, a good-looking, tall guy who loves basketball and has somewhat a future plan is a slam dunk. 

The Bachelorette hoopla is not “most cases.” 

Michelle has the obvious choice (Joe), competing with the easy choice (Brandon). And then there’s Nayte. Although he’s not a traditional bad boy on camera, the fact that he has a thousand tattoos and piercings upon piercings puts him in a category all his own. Can we label it? Perhaps. But the intrigue is what attracts our girl to Nayte’s very tall stature. 

Wrap all those details in a posh, Mexican resort environment, and you’ve got a girl who will definitely end up in a Crouching Tiger Hidden Mesnick posture when she sends the normal, attractive, perfectly eligible bachelor home. 

SOLO DATE ONE
BRANDON

Brandon is first on the agenda, which thrills our first-time passport holder. Michelle plops him on a horse, another first for Brandon, and they trot off through the Mexican jungle, which spits them out onto a secluded beach. Michelle is quick to point out that spending time with Brandon is easy. She also likes that their families are very similar. Plus, their chemistry is off the charts. 

Brandon spends most of his time keeping Michelle on that pedestal he’s built for her since day one. He one-hundred percent can see himself engaged by the end of this journey because he is in love with Michelle. He confirms this statement by reminding her that he will always put her first. Brandon also spends a lot of the conversation promising to hold Michelle. 

My roommate Lara thinks that “hold” is a code word for other amorous activities. 

Michelle pulls out the forgo card, and Brandon all but scoops her up and whisks her away to the fantasy suite. They make out in the hot tub as fireworks explode above their heads. 

The next morning, Michelle adits that Brandon is “becoming my best friend. Michelle believes it when Brandon tells her he loves her, which is OFTEN. They celebrate with a literal food fight in the bed. 

On another note, the person who penciled in Michelle’s eyebrows on Brandon’s date needs an intervention. Did they mean to make her look like a cartoon villain about to unhinge her jaw and swallow Brandon whole? If that is the case, then mission accomplished. 

SOLO DATE TWO
JOE

Brandon comes back from his date the next morning, and the ABC producers make Nayte and Joe sit there and stare at him. It’s hella awkward, which is exactly what they are going for. Brandon provides zero details. Joe eventually hauls himself up off the couch and prepares for his date.

Michelle tells us that Joe is very attractive and a “little piece of home.” He puts a smile on her face, and even though he moves at a slower pace, they have advanced in their relationship. But he needs to give her more. 

Joe opens up a bit while zip-lining. He screams and hollers her name, which she finds adorable. She appreciates seeing his goofy side. And when she asks him at dinner how he feels about dating an extrovert, his answer is spot on. Michelle can bring out a side of himself that he didn’t know existed.

He also wants three kids, just like her, and has big dreams for the future, now that basketball is not an option. He wants to inspire others on how to use athletic tools learned in school while working in the real world. In other words, Joe’s got a plan.

Michelle likes this idea of being a Minnesota power couple with Joe. So she presents him with the forgo card, and they head straight to the bedroom. 

The next day, Michelle tells the camera that Joe might be her soulmate. She wants him to know exactly how much she cares about him and how much he means to her. Let the record show that Michelle never said she loved Joe. But she did say that Joe “changed everything.”

Shout out to the ABC Intern who found actual skeleton keys for the forgo cards!  Such a special touch on a special night. 

SOLO DATE THREE 
NAYTE

Nayte gets a day at sea on a yacht. That’s totally the same as horses and zip lining. Don’t look too much into it. Michelle is ecstatic that she and Nayte can pick up where they left off. Nayte reminds Michelle that he’s crazy about her, and she melts in his arms as they make out all over the ocean. 

However, Michelle doesn’t shy away from the fact that Nayte hasn’t been forthcoming about his feelings. In addition, his step-dad Charles just told her that Nayte is not ready for an engagement. She’s decided that she needs to ask the hard questions at dinner and let the chips fall where they may. She will be heartbroken if he can’t get to love by the end of this journey.

Michelle starts with a normal question of someone who would be potentially getting down on one knee in a week. “Do you have a lot on your mind to talk about?”

Nayte’s quick response of “not really” almost causes Michelle to swallow her tongue. Nayte takes note of the response and treads lightly as Michelle gives him a second opportunity to respond. Finally, Nayte drops the ball one more time by answering, “I don’t have answers to my questions. And that’s life! Wouldn’t it be pretty boring if you have all the answers?”

Michelle manages not to toss him into the water. Instead, she again proves that she is full of wisdom and patience. She explains to Nayte that she needs to ensure they are on the same page, especially since Charles told her that Nayte would more than likely pull away from a relationship. Is he falling in love? In love? Ready for engagement?

The lightbulb goes off above Nayte’s head, and he interrupts Michelle by telling her, “YES TO ALL THREE.”

He trusts himself. He trusts her. And he trusts that he’s falling in love. Michelle finally has clarity and drags him to the fantasy suite, where they have a very special night. Michelle claims, “This is what a soulmate feels like.”

Do we believe Nayte? Did he say what Michelle wanted to hear, or is he really falling for her? Time will tell.

ROSE CEREMONY

Michelle’s body looks incredible in a sparkly light green dress. Her face contorts into something that resembles a woman trying not to cry. She has three great guys in front of her, and someone is about to be heartbroken. 

Before she can finish her monolog, Brandon asks for a private audience. She obliges, and they miraculously find the roaming bench near the prop closet. Brandon sits Michelle down and tells her he will be there for Michelle no matter what happens. Even if today is his last day, he wants to make sure the woman he loves knows that she is loved. 

Michelle is weeping during Brandon’s confession, which leads viewers to think one of two things. 

1. She’s already crying because she is about to dump him. 
2. Brandon has just changed Michelle’s mind.

Had Michelle planned on letting Brandon go, her kind disposition would have cut the cord right there, transforming the roaming bench into a rejection bench. But the fact that she let him stand back up and return to the other two men was a telltale sign that Brandon was in the final two. 

Was Joe stunned because Michelle didn’t call his name? Or was it the dastardly plastic dresses worn by our fearless hostesses Tayshia and Kaitlyn? Probably a little bit of both. Who wants to make a bet that Tayshia is sniffing around Mr. Coleman right about now, helping him through his breakup? Wouldn’t that be the most dramatic Men Tell All?