Bachelorette Michelle Hometowns: Apple of Her Eye
Bachelorette RacBachelorette Michelle Recap | Hometowns
It’s that time! Hometowns are here, and we get to see a bunch of dysfunctional people try and puzzle through how their loved ones could fall head-over-heels for a complete stranger in a matter of weeks. I’ve said it once, and I’ll probably say it again, but I’ve had a carton of milk in my refrigerator longer than Brandon has been falling for Michelle.
Unfortunately, we didn’t see many crazies in this episode. I guess Michelle actually has a decent group of men in her final four. Or the guy’s parents didn’t extend an all-expense-paid trip to Minnesota to the wackier branches of the family tree.
Brandon is a sweet baby child who loves his mama. He also is overwhelmed by his brother Noah’s decision to delay joining the Navy to meet Michelle at the downtown Hyatt in Minnesota. No pressure, Michelle!
We witness the first Jump & Straddle™ of the season. Brandon manages to remain standing as Michelle plows her perfectly sculpted body into his arms. Why he’s dressed like an extra from West Side Story is a mystery we may never solve.
He escorts her to an abandoned warehouse. Instead of killing her, he asks, “Will you roll with me?” as a door opens to reveal an indoor skating park. Brando claims that he’s really good at this pastime. But, sadly, his limbs and center of gravity have forgotten how to stand on a skateboard.
Once his bruises are sufficiently covered by a long-sleeve shirt and normal-length pants, Brandon presents Michelle to his parents and Noah. He’s gushing, and Michelle can’t keep a smile off her face. The entire mood shifts when Brandon shares his first impression move.
B-Dawg: I rolled up on a bed and told Michelle I wanted her to see what she would be waking up to for the rest of her life.
Noah: I love you, Dawg. That’s dope.
Lincee: Say nope to dope.
Brandon’s mother is concerned during her alone time with Michelle. She relentlessly reminds her potential future daughter-in-law that Brandon is not a player. He is emotional and sensitive. Michelle tries to squelch the mom’s concerns. She’s very aware of Brandon’s big heart. In fact, what separates him from the other contenders is that very heart. She knows how much Brandon cares for her because he tells her all the time.
Michelle easily wins the dad over by promising to fish and play basketball with him. The fact that she can picture their families together is huge and says a lot about Brandon’s likelihood to make it into the top two.
Brandon and Michelle leave the hotel and sit on the Roaming Bench. It is Michelle who tells Brandon that she is falling for him. We are treated to the tightest shot of an open-mouth kiss. Imagine that on a big screen with high definition. I could see the spit strings.
Michelle manages to pull her lips and saliva away from Brandon. He waves goodbye to the SUV and begs anyone watching to PLEASE let this woman be his bride. He wants it more than anything in the world.
He’ll even give up being a Jet or a Shark for the chance to marry Michelle. That’s true love.
Rodney welcomes our second Jump & Straddle™ and carries Michelle away to an apple orchard. Someone listened to her super sensitive poem in Week 2! (That someone is the ABC Intern.)
Michelle peppers the blissful afternoon with comments about the importance of laughter and being best friends. Then, when she meets his mother (who claims she is Rodney’s best friend) and his stepdad, she delights in telling them their son is NOT an underdog.
This is when you realize if you didn’t key in before that Rodney is, in fact, the underdog.
Rod’s mom is nervous his heart is going to be broken. She’s nervous because it’s true. She tells Rodney this, and he understands. Most underdogs do. But Michelle is worth the risk. Here’s his heart. Please take it.
The ABC Intern works overtime to convince the principal at Joe’s old school, Hopkins High, to let them commandeer the gymnasium for a makeshift prom. It had everything! Balloon arches, a photo booth, bubbles, donuts, a dance floor, and a prom king and queen banner. In my opinion, Joe looked bored. Or unsure. Or maybe this is his normal demeanor. I can’t tell anymore.
It was apparent that his sister-in-law Hanna knew that she would have to step up for ABC to capture any footage of this very quiet, very calm family. The brother doesn’t speak. The father asks Joe one question and then sits in silence. And the mother thinks it is “cool” that her son has so much in common with the girl sitting across from her.
Hanna pulls out all the stops. She challenges Joe to answer tough questions:
- Do you love her?
- Have you shown any emotion yet?
- Are you ready to propose?
Hanna is stoked that Michelle lives in Minneapolis. I think she needs someone to talk to at family gatherings.
Joe turns to Michelle after sitting down on the Roaming Bench. He takes her hands and explains that he is falling in love with her. She smiles, kisses him a little less passionately than Brandon, and leaves him to ponder what just happened.
Nayte takes Michelle paddle boarding. To quote my friend Amy, “SHE IS FAT-LESS.” Michelle has an amazing body that I covet. There. I admit it.
Here’s what you need to know going into Nayte’s hometown. He has never brought a girl home to meet his family. He has never talked about love or relationships with his family. And he has never told his family that he loves them. They just don’t do that.
Therefore, he has no idea what’s about to happen. Especially since his mom and stepdad just separated a year ago.
Michelle is rightfully nervous, so she wears a short black leather minidress to calm her spirit. Right off the bat, Nayte’s Canadian mother gives Michelle a bag of candy to offer her students. Michelle L-O-V-E-S this gesture and is vibing (yes, I used that word) with the family.
However, her tune changes when she speaks to Nayte’s stepdad. According to Charles, “Nathaniel” may not be ready for settling down. He doesn’t feel that Nayte knows the difference between love and marriage. One is a feeling. One is a commitment.
Were wise words spoken on The Bachelorette? Am I hallucinating? Should I remove wheat from my diet?
Mom is equally concerned. What if Nayte is being swept up in the process? Is he in the bubble? Will he carry feelings for Michelle outside of the franchise when the cameras are away?
When Nayte talks to Charles, something enchanting unfolds before our eyes. Nayte commends Charles for taking the time to come and meet Michelle, even though he is no longer with his mother. He wouldn’t be the person he is without Charles.
CUE THE WATERWORKS!
Charles is fortunate to have Nayte and his brother in his life. Oddly enough, he says it’s been an amazing journey. To watch Nayte grow into the man he is today. Never doubt that Charles is PROUD! This brings Nayte (and me) to tears.
Nayte tells Charles that he loves his dad, but he wants to be like Charles when he has a family. Charles convinces Nayte that he will be BETTER. Then they tell each other they love each other, and we all cry, excluding Michelle, who can’t emote her true feelings of trepidation since Nayte just had a breakthrough with his stepdad.
It’s written on Michelle’s face, and everyone knows it. She’s kicking Rod to the curb and manages to do it without ugly crying in front of him. Rodney takes it like a champ. I’m ready for him to find love. Will it be in Paradise?
And who will be the last two standing? Am I right thinking Joe is done next week?