Bachelorette Michelle Men Tell All: Apology Accepted
Bachelorette Michelle Recap | Hometowns
To keep with the tradition of past Men Tell All recaps, I will boil down ninety minutes of footage into ten helpful bullet points that shed light on the important pieces of information we gathered after watching and fast-forwarding through the show.
- The ABC wardrobe department pilfered velour curtains from the set of Wonder Years to craft three similar yet different dresses for Kaitlyn, Tayshia, and Michelle. Thanks to the forest green, brick red, and mustard yellow colors, they looked like bridesmaids in a 70s-inspired wedding.
- Pizza Peter is still annoying. Guyliner Will still hates him. He also wants Peter’s sister to stay out of his DMs. BURN!
- We were neither shocked nor surprised when a random man served Will legal papers, claiming defamation of character.
- Additionally, no one seems to mind the planted naked man in the audience who streaked through the studio, claiming to love Rodney.
- When Kaitlyn asks pretty boy Ryan why he would be dumb enough to bring Bachelor franchise Cliff Notes with him on the actual show, instead of memorizing them like a normal person, Ryan doesn’t have a good answer. So instead, he apologized for being a Chach.
- Martin is still sketchy, yet he thanks Michelle for dumping him so he could find his real soulmate. You should know they are happy, and NO, he did NOT have a girlfriend before the show, even though Will heard on “the street” that Martin was in a relationship.
- Is this the same “street” where Jamie heard about the light-skinned baller? Where is this street, and what are they saying about me?
- You probably don’t remember Chris, but he almost got in a fight with Olu. He apologizes for “putting words in Michelle’s mouth.”
- Jamie is THE WORST. What’s sad is that all of the guys were so disappointed in his storyline on the show. Most of them claim he was an awesome guy. Romeo even admitted that he wanted to emulate Jamie’s positivity.
- Never fear. Jamie still speaks in weird manipulative sentences. He’s fine with the guys thinking he did something wrong and acknowledges their feelings, yet he never apologizes for anything. DEFLECT. DEFLECT. DEFLECT.
- The guys switch tactics and ask why he didn’t just fess up to being the one who started the rumor about the light-skinned baller. Jamie’s response? “You never asked if it was me who said those things.”
It reminds me of the time I caught my ex-husband cheating on me. He told me the same thing. So I asked him if he had ever murdered anyone because I forgot to inquire about that when we were engaged.
- The audience LOVES Rick. There’s still something off about him to me, but I wish him well.
- The night’s biggest news was a certain Uncle Neil diamond missing from one very important finger on Tayshia’s hand. She milks the moment, claiming she will always love Zack, then is overwhelmed with emotion. She has to leave the stage to collect herself.
- Everyone loves Rodney. I mean EVERYONE. The guys, the crew, the audience, and Kaitlyn. Michelle hugs his neck and executes their darling special handshake at the end of the night. I wish this guy was the next Bachelor, but he will do well in Paradise. Here’s hoping he doesn’t land in the Friend Zone again.
- In other weird news, ABC airs scenes from Clayton’s season, and we see with our own eyes the final three girls! Hooray for Bachelor brackets, am I right? Clearly, they are doing something different this year, which makes me assume that the show will be full of unnecessary drama—all aboard the Hot Mess Express.
I thought Michelle looked happy. I have no idea who she is going to pick! But if I had to narrow it down, it would be Nayte as her winner. Brandon is the runner-up. And Joe is the first one to be sent home from the trio.
What do you think?