Dancing with the Stars recap: Most Memorable Year

This night typically makes me ball like a baby. I love to hear other people’s stories and how they got through a tough time or celebrated a huge win. Channeling that memory into a dance is icing on the cake in my world. Sadly, man buns often ruin the moment. I’m looking at you Val. And I’m blaming you, Mark. Thank goodness we had a Rhianna doppelganger to pull me through the madness.

Ginger and Val
Contemporary
“Home” by Philip Phillips
Seriously. Val’s man bun was atrocious. The only thing that could tear me away from that monstrosity was a heartwarming love story about Ginger meeting her husband by a fountain, kissing her husband at the same fountain and getting engaged in front of, you guessed it, the fountain. Ginger’s dress is a pretty shade of blush and bashful. She’s practically glowing. Val owns the contemporary dance, which is not his strong suit. Ginger looks like she’s holding back. Her husband has enough energy for the entire auditorium. And don’t get me started on his bedazzled baby Bjorn. The fact that he told Erin that his son was crying because he still wasn’t over Geraldo’s exit was priceless. I think he’s crying because of his mom’s score…
SCORE: 21

Doug and Karina
Waltz
“Rainbow Connection” from The Muppet Movie
Doug was the first to make me cry. In 2015, his dad passed away. Then his mom walked over, kissed his father’s face, fell forward onto her husband’s body and died too. ON THE SAME DAY. The doctor’s said she literally passed away of a broken heart. FEELS! SO MANY FEELS. These are the thoughts that went through my head during his performance: “Oh look! Rihanna is singing “Rainbow Connection!” How is that fair? Will Kermit the Frog be showcased too? Wait…that’s not Rihanna. She has to be a distant cousin though. MOVING ON! Why is Karina’s body suit sheer under her sheer skirt? Oh no! Doug tripped on her foot! Why is he laying down in the fetal position at the end? This is all so weird.”
SCORE: 20

Sasha and Kim
Foxtrot
“The Facts of Life” from Facts of Life
Sweet baby Kim booked her first gig as the kid in the Mrs. Buttersworth syrup commercial in 1976. TAKE THAT JANET JACKSON! This jump started her career. Facts of Life was her quintessential role. Charlotte Rae, our very own Ms. Garrett, explained that the director put Tootie in roller skates because she was so short! Who knew? Kim’s set is built to look like the school. Her outfit is unfortunate. Because she’s dancing the foxtrot, she’s in a school uniform from the waist up and a billowing skirt from the waist down. #acotaco The dance was safe. I agree with Carrie Ann — she hasn’t changed A BIT.
SCORE: 22

Von and and Witney
Contemporary
“In the Air Tonight” by Phil Collins
Von’s most memorable year is still happening. His team won the Super Bowl back in January and he was voted MVP. This coming from a guy whose dad didn’t want him to play football and he had to sneakily change in the suburban before and after practice! Von claims “In the Air Tonight” is the song he listened to before every game. Instead of finding this statement odd, I decided to concentrate on his massive bare torso which is covered in tattoos. Witney looks like a pocket person next to him. She’s in black. He’s in black ninja pants. He flips her up and around like a rag doll, lifting her the entire dance. The judges didn’t love it. Erin didn’t love that he put a shirt on during the post-game sesh.
SCORE: 20

Marla and Tony
Jive
“Happy” by Pharrell Williams
Marla dedicates her dance to her daughter Tiffany Trump. 1993 was the year she was born. Neither mention a certain man running for president during the intro package. She’s dressed in a lemon yellow outfit with navy accents. Tony matches and they flick and fling their legs all over the dance floor. She looks a bit scared, but ends the routine with a back flip over Tony’s shoulders. Perhaps this is what she was anticipating and we could see it on her face? In the end, Marla is happy with her performance. She tells Erin that she couldn’t be more proud that she pushed herself physically in this routine. Oh, and Tony sweats the symbols of the universe. Insert Jim Halpert face here.
SCORE: 21

Sharna and Antonio
Foxtrot
“7 Years” by Lukas Graham
In 2007, the cutest kid in America was born. His name is Antonio, Jr. and he has stage presence of his father! Antonio loves being a dad to his four kiddos. He wants them to know that he will always be around and that family lasts forever. In fact, AJ joins Antonio on the dance floor in a cool flashback sequence. After watching some glory days footage on the screen, Antonio sweeps Sharna into his arms and they foxtrot around the room. His smile is still electric. Junior joins them at the end when father and son walk off into the distance together. Adorable. Junior scores a 10. His daddy isn’t so lucky. #unbooming
SCORE: 20

Paige and Mark
Paso Doble
“300 Violin Orchestra” by Jorge Quintero
Paige is excited to tell people about the year she first started UFC fighting way back in 2014. Thanks to a bunch of bullying kids, she found sanctuary in the octagon. And now she gets to dance fight Mark and beat the crap out of him on national television! Take that, man bun! Although she didn’t have a cape like most paso doble dances, there were lots of hard kicks, grand sweeps and general mean faces from both parties. She is victorious at the end of the dance. The judges are split. Crotchety Len feels that there wasn’t enough paso. Carrie Ann applauds him for pushing the choreography envelope.
SCORE: 23

Jodie and Keo
Foxtrot
“Rise Up” by Andra Day
Stephanie Tanner made me cry like a baby. She reminds everyone that she was 13-years-old when Full House wrapped. In a matter of moments, she lost her secondary family. She didn’t know how to grieve. So she turned to drugs and alcohol. She hated the person she had become. So she did something about it and now she’s been sober for five years. When she was told they would be making Fuller House, she rejoiced. Her mom told her that her light was shining. She had finally returned from the darkness. FEELINGS. NOTHING MORE THAN FEELINGS. With that said, I didn’t really follow the interpretation of Keo’s choreography. Was he supposed to be the darkness? Why is he in lavender? Second, we now have a name for Rihanna’s cousin — Andra Day! 3) Jodie can dance! She was very elegant. She was extremely vulnerable and authentic. I loved it. The judges did too.
SCORE: 23

Mischa and Artem
Samba
“Party in the USA” by Miley Cyrus
I think it’s awful and yet necessary that the producers aired sneaky footage of Mischa chastising Artem for not making this a positive experience for Mischa. I’m also proud of Artem for telling Mischa that he thinks she doesn’t want to do this. She confirms that statement by saying that she can’t do another week. She goes on to talk about how she felt trapped in 2008. The OC was doing really well, but it was like a train she couldn’t get off. So she went to England to find herself. She’s trying to do the same on Dancing with the Stars. By doing a samba. To a Miley Cyrus anthem. She tried really hard. Bless her. The judges applauded her for trying and thanked the general idea of “dance.” Again — bless her.
SCORE: 18

Wanya and Lindsay
Waltz
“Star-Spangled Banner” by Boyz II Men
B2M sang the national anthem at the closing ceremony of the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. It was a memorable moment. In fact, 20 years later, the Boyz have gathered into a recording studio to duplicate the moment so Wanya and Lindsay can pull at my patriotic heartstrings during their waltz as they fly across the floor in head-to-toe red outfits. AMERICA! Take me to the iTunes because I am buying that song right now! After an exceptional performance, Wanya hugs his fellow Boyz in the audience and settles into the praise he receives from the judges.
SCORE: 24

Nyle and Peta
Tango
“Verge” by Owl City
Peta wore the worst pants in the history of the show. I just needed to get that off my chest. Nyle shares his adventures traveling around the world in 2012. The catch? He did it without a translator. He was born into a deaf family. They don’t know anything different. He’s been fearless since birth. So he attacks the tango with that exact same passion. Peta admits to the camera that she thinks it’s ludicrous that Carrie Ann critiqued Nyle on his musicality. He’s deaf. It’s week two. Give him a break! At times Nyle was a bit too fast for the beat, but he still killed the choreography. They landed the first “9” of the season proving anyone can do anything if they put their minds to it.
SCORE: 25

Tom declares Peta and Nyle safe before announcing those who are in the red lights of doom. First is Doug and Karina (did they call our name?), followed by Mischa and Artem. Everyone’s breath caught when he called Jodie and Keo’s name as the third couple in jeopardy.

But it was Mischa who ended up in last place. I think everyone was relieved, including me. I hope she looks back and see how she was portrayed on this show and confronts her insecurities head-on. That’s what Marissa would do! Maybe she can visit Ryan in Gotham City and help him fight crime?

What did you think of the episode? Are you glad Mischa is headed back to the OC? Did you salute the flag when Wanya danced? Do you think Paige could take Mark and his man bun in a fight? Sound off in the comments section.