Dancing with the Stars recap: Semi-finals

Dancing with the Stars

We are down to the nitty gritty of this competition with four contenders who have a legitimate shot securing bragging rights as a first-place winner on Dancing with the Stars. Plus, he or she will get a tacky mirror ball trophy as a keepsake! #Winning. Sure Tom Bergeron still hasn’t processed through his emotions regarding Willow’s absence from the semi-finals, but there’s no time to mope. Our JV dancers have to promote the heck out of this summer’s tour.

Someone get the lobster outfit. It’s showtime!

Let’s talk about that opener for just a moment. A small part of my East Texas upbringing perked when I spied the JV girls in square dancing attire! Forget that they paired the skirt with fancy bras. My point is that no one wears a petticoat that big unless they are about to do-si-do a partner. Let’s promenade this business!

You can imagine my surprise when Mark Ballas pops up with a bowling ball? I’m not going to harp on his cracked out version of the Riker hair swoop. I’d rather brood about my square dance number that suddenly looks a lot like a jive. Sad face.

After the JV team flicks their way across the stage, Tom reminds us that each contestant will perform two dances. One will be the judge’s choice. The other will be something that will make the audience feel things—encouragement, pain or all hot and bothered. (PS: that last one is not Len Goodman in case you were wondering.)

Let’s see the scores!

Rumer and Val
Viennese Waltz
“Earned It” by The Weekend
What we learned in the “She deserves to be here” package:

Demi Moore calls her daughter her “magical elf,” her sisters are her biggest allies and according to a byline below her face, Glen Close is Rumer’s good friend. You learn something new every day.
The Dance:
Val suits up and goes all 50 Shades of Gray on Rumer, who is clothed in a glorified version of a white bed sheet. Her old lady shoes really ruined the ensemble. She should have gone barefoot. It was sultry and bordered the line of PG-13 and straight up R-rated. They flirt with the idea of kissing about 19 times, but never actually do kiss. We almost see Rumer’s nipple at the end of the piece. I’m not sure if this was by accident, or if she was just trying to stay in character.
Score: 38

Noah and Sharna
Viennese Waltz
“The Time of My Life” by David Cook (No, not THAT version.)

What we learned in the “He deserves to be here” package:
Noah’s mom is so happy he is alive. So are his good friends William Shatner and Darius Rucker. You haven’t lived until you sit at a bar to discuss life, love and other mysteries with the Priceline guy and Hootie.
The Dance:
Noah rocks a brown suit. Sharna does what she does best—floats around him doing things that we didn’t know were possible. The judges hold hands and cry. Upstairs, Erin pushes Noah’s fiance into the spotlight so he can get down on one knee to propose. Once again, she jumps on him and I flinch, thinking, “HE’S GOING DOWN!” But Noah is a freaking beast and easily catches her, stands up and makes women everywhere reach for the phone to vote for him. The audience cries and grabs their hearts through their chests.
Score: 38

Dancing with the StarsRiker and Allison
“Work Song” by Hoozier
What we learned in the “He deserves to be here” package:

Riker’s entire family has bleach blond hair. He was a Warbler on Glee (when it was cool to be on Glee) and his very good personal friend MICHAEL FREAKING VARTAN (one of my two boyfriends from Alias) thinks he can win this competition.
The Dance:
Question: Where did all the chalk dust come from in the opening seconds of this performance? Was it in his hands? In Allison’s hands? Did they dip his shirt on a chalkboard tray from the ‘80s?

Moving on. Allison and Riker fling and flail all over the floor. There was an intricate back sliding thing, a twirly thing and lost of “will they or won’t they?” kissing moments. Carrie Ann yells at him, but in a good way. Julianne can’t speak, but in a good way.
Score: 40

Nastia and Sasha
“Feelin’ Good” – not by Buble, but Christina Grimmie
What we learned in the “She deserves to be here” package:

Nastia, or Princess Anastasia as her parents call her, grew up in the gymnastics world and was forced to leave it after a face plant off the uneven bars. She has no television or musical icons who are her best friends, but Nadia Comaneci thinks she’s in it to win it.
The Dance:
Sasha and Nastia whip around the dance floor in a blur. At one point they even execute a double cartwheel, somehow holding hands! The best part was that Derek did not work himself into the routine. Such will power! Everyone made sure to tell Nastia that she was more than just a gold medal gymnast. And for the first time, we saw her get emotional.
Score: 40

During intermission, Tom pimps out the summer tour again, reminding everyone that America’s favorite rejected bachelorette will be a headliner. That’s right, Melissa Rycroft is coming to a mid-level auditorium near you!

Back to the competition!

Bruno’s Choice: Rumer and Val
Contemporary Fusion
“Swan Lake”

First of all, I love that Bruno has a tricked out trailer in the studio parking lot. I also love that he wants Val to be shirtless in his contemporary fusion piece. (Can I get an amen?) But what is contemporary confusion? I’m glad you asked, because I have no idea. I think it’s throwing all types of dance into a blender and then seeing what comes out. Typically, it’s a brownish mess, but you taste it anyway. That’s exactly how I felt about this piece. Bruno did a HUGE disservice to Rumer and Val by making them throw in ballet elements. He has an Eastern European hot dude standing right in front of him. LET HIM DO WHAT HE DOES BEST.

The ending was saved when Val Patrick Swayze’d Rumer right up into the air. I’ve attempted this move more times that I care to admit. “The lift” is HARD. At this point, Val knows their dance just plain sucked. So he gives Tom butt a love pat and heads up to find out his score.
Score: A perfect 30 (please)

Dancing with the StarsCarrie Ann’s Choice: Noah and Sharna
Severe Latin Music

Carrie Ann pours herself into this pasodoble, enlisting the talents of four other JV dudes to help her choreograph a routine where the chorus boys simply hold up Noah so he won’t fall. Then she removes their shirts and puts them in Malificent head gear. This is a metaphor for grabbing life by the horns, but doing it extra carefully because you don’t want the wardrobe department to be mad at you.
Score: A perfect 30

Julianne’s Choice: Allison and Riker
Argentine Tango
Song: The McDonalds Piano Recital Commercial from the 80s

Julianne is ready to help her cousin win this thing, no matter what it takes. In fact, she’s going to insert herself into the dance because if you have Hough DNA, you can’t help it. The performance started off as a simple game of keep away with a hat, but then kicked into a high energy “which girl will win his heart.” Jules leaves the stage and lets Allison do her thing as laser beams threaten to burn their corneas.
Score: A perfect 30

I’m sensing a trend…

Len’s Choice: Nastia and Sasha
Viennese Waltz
A live version of “Falling For You” by Leela James (because that’s fair)

Derek throws all caution to the wind. Who cares if he has a bum foot? He’s going to recreate Len’s glory days from 1973. Arthritis be damned! Derek’s choreography matched the music perfectly. It was billowy and dreamy. And when sweet old crotchety Len floats out for the final moments of the dance and dips Nastia before mugging the camera, I may have shed a tear or two. LOVE.
Score: A well-deserved perfect 30

Who will be voted off tonight? Who are you rooting for? Do you think Rumer has a shot after her terrible dance? Was 50 Shades enough to save her? Will Derek power through and dance the finale if Nastia makes it? Can we really to think of a celebrity friend for Nastia? Let’s hear what you think in the comments section!

Notify of
newest most voted
Inline Feedbacks
View all comments
May 12, 2015 10:56 am

I admit it. I was a mess when Len got out there to dance. I’m a sap!

May 12, 2015 11:21 am

yep, i cried when Len talked about not being able to dance anymore…..but it didn’t sway me, i’m still TEAM RIKER!!

May 12, 2015 11:43 am

Best episode ever!!! But I am so afraid that Noah’s proposal is going to impact the voting and if Riker goes home I am going to be ANGRY!!! I was Team Riker even before the Vartan endorsement, but add Vartan to the mix, and no one should be able to resist!

May 12, 2015 12:39 pm

It was an awesome episode. I’m also Team Riker. I really do think it’s Noah’s time to exit, much as I admire the heck out all he’s been able to do. I suspect it could be Rumer that gets eliminated if Noah is kept on board. I loved all the packages on each of them – sometimes that’s my favorite part of the show.

The whole Swan Lake thing was a hot mess – I didn’t get it at all.

Lincee, love your comment about Mark’s hair. I texted my sister while I was watching, saying “what the hell is up with his hair??” I think I’m getting too old for that kind of stuff. It just falls into the crazy category rather than the artistic category for me.

Thank you for blogging Lincee – always look forward to your observations and comments!

May 12, 2015 1:59 pm

Who can not vote for Noah after that proposal? Or did he do it because he knew it was his last week? I predict Nastia will go home because she’s still more of a gymnast than a dancer. Then Noah after that. Riker and Rumer for the final dances.

May 12, 2015 2:18 pm

I thought Rumer and Val’s Swan Lake was beautiful! I hope she wins

May 12, 2015 6:32 pm

I have been Team Ryker from day 1 although would not be upset if Val wins. Noah should have gone home a few weeks ago. That paso doble last night was misleading, he hardly danced the other guys danced for him and carried him. Yes, I admire his bravery but he should never have made the semi finals. I think the proposal was timed to get more sympathy votes. JMO, no tomatoes please.

May 12, 2015 7:24 pm

I have one thing…..

May 13, 2015 11:44 am

I love you for linking the McDonald’s piano recital video!!! My sister and I watched a recording of the movie Annie 200+ times as kids (on VHS, of course), and we would never fast-forward this commercial. To this day I can’t hear that piece without singing the words in my head. “…a big chocolate shake, a cheeseburger, and also, whoops, and also fries…”

CO Kathleen
CO Kathleen
May 13, 2015 8:39 pm

I’m in Canada this week and next week and can’t view DWTS here!. Darn! Catching up with your blog anyway and looking forward to seeing these final two shows when I return.

Rachel B.
Rachel B.
May 15, 2015 8:11 pm

Ok, ok…horrible week, and I finally have down time to enjoy. And BOY did I enjoy this recap! FAVES:

Once again, she jumps on [Noah] and I flinch, thinking, “HE’S GOING DOWN!”

I think it’s throwing all types of dance into a blender and then seeing what comes out. Typically, it’s a brownish mess, but you taste it anyway.

Bwaaahaaahaa! So much funny! Thank you for being my dessert after a week of green beans. xoxo

May 18, 2015 11:52 am

Yay Lincee! I’m so stoked for the finals tonight!

I truly think Riker is an amazing dancer, and would be pleased if he won, but I think it’s the part of of him that’s Hough I wouldn’t mind losing – yes they are very talented but Julianne couldn’t help putting herself in the dance either!

I think it’s time for Val to win and Rumer is so surprisingly graceful/passionate when it comes to her dancing.

Rumer/Val or Riker/Allison both deserve to win!

Note: So pleased to see Michael Vartan-lucky, lucky Riker

Would love your thoughts! Click here to share.x