As you all know, ABC finally revealed the 24 young ladies and one grandma who will undoubtedly declare their love of swilling Merlot with long-haired men who look like a shaggy Groban in tight grey Levis.  Last week I posted the extended promo spot that showcased a gaggle of girls dressed like the Kardashians, made up like Vegas showgirls and potty mouths that rival any weathered dude one may find down on the sketchier side of the docks.

IHGB commenter Gindi said it best:

“I’m thinking this particular Groban’s motto will be You Drag Me Down (no way in bleep does You Raise Me Up befit anyone featured on that promo.)”

Welcome to the 16th season of The Bachelor ladies and gentlemen.  I can’t believe we’ve made it this far. Truly.  It’s a mystery how we keep going.  I can only think of one thing that pulls me back each and every Monday night.

Our Host Chris Harrison.

In keeping with my website tradition, I decided to choose four ladies who stood out to me based solely on viewing their head shot and reading a brief bio, as my front runners to watch.  Traditionally, my picks are totally off base and result in at least half going home the first night.  Let the record show that I did correctly pick Cape Cod Chris’ “final four” status based on this bio pick alone:

Who can resist the periodic chart t-shirt?  Am I right ladies?

It is without further adieu that I give you (in alphabetical order) the list!

1.  Dianna

Dianna was the only one to not put her hands on her hips and face the camera head on.  For some reason, that stood out to me.  I’m encouraged that she’s not 12-years-old and it’s a definite bonus that she’s from California since Groban will never leave his mother and sister vineyard.  I can overlook the fact that Oprah is her favorite person in the world because she has an autographed picture of JC from N’SYNC as one of her prized possessions.  Had she chosen Justin Timberlake instead of JC, I probably would have personally driven out to California, sought her out after an acceptable amount of Harrison stalking and given her the ST END to my BE FRI necklace.

2.  Emily

I absolutely loved that this girl was matched with her brother through an online dating service and had the cojones to admit it on a national website.  That makes her spunky.  Plus, she executes her Zumba moves on the dance floor and doesn’t care who makes fun of her.  Another plus in my book.  If I had a kid, I’d definitely let her babysit.  I’m probably going to regret writing that later, but there it is.

3.  Rachel

I love Rachel’s natural look.  I like to think that the ABC beautification crew sat her down in the styling chair, broke out nine tackle boxes of eye liners, tweezers and lip glosses and tried to convince her that if she is wearing bangs, she at least needs to braid them before Rachel was all, “Look.  I have a cool rhinestone stud in my nose.  I’m the granola chick who lives at Whole Foods and would never touch the animal tested crap you’re smearing with a spatula on that chick over there.  Now please get me a free range chicken sandwich before I call NPR and tell them the real story about what goes on The Bachelor behind closed mansion doors.”

4.  Shawn

I looked at Shawn’s photo for a long time.  The schizophrenic in me debated with itself for way too long.  It was an inner monologue of, “PRETTY EARRINGS!” and “Why so much make-up Shawn?” to “How are her eyelashes that pointy?” with “Is that a silky robe or a fun blouse?” as well as “Ease up on the self tanner sister.” along with “Awww! She has a heart for third-world countries!” and “SPARKLY EARRINGS!” (I get distracted easily) to “What’s your talent Miss Ohio?” With that said, we think she might do well in the competition.

So there you have it.  These are my top four contestants who will be vying for the wine glass of their beloved Groban.  I refuse to talk about the gimmick that is the grandmother, but feel free to sound off in the comment section on your favorites based on what little surface information available.

We’re only three weeks away!