Seriously, y’all, the franchise has gone off the rails. Don’t get me wrong — I am HERE for it. But the lack of structure makes my brain hurt. And I don’t watch The Bachelorette so my brain can hurt. I watch The Bachelorette so I can hide behind my couch cushion in horror while rolling my eyes in disgust. 

To be clear, there was a lot of that going on last night. However, I found myself trying to objectively puzzle through some of the decisions Gabby and Rachel declared on their journey to find love, only to find great big question marks at the end of my own journey to find clarity. Some Guy in Austin and I sift through the evidence, determined to get answers to some serious questions. For example:

• Are guys wearing pearls now?
• How can there not be enough beds in the mansion?
• Why did Rachel throw away a perfectly good drag racer?
• Is pouring marinara sauce on yourself a talent?
• And why did the ABC camera person insist on shooting crotch shots while the guys did pushups in a Speedo?

Which reminds me, a HUGE shout-out to the ABC graphics department for well-placed Black Modesty Boxes. Kudos to you, my friends. You went above and beyond, and the nation thanks you.

EPISODE NOTES:

Here’s the recap for episode 2.

HERE is a link to the Google Doc with the dude’s Instagram feeds.

And here’s the link to our official Bachelorette Bracket we are playing with my favorite sports podcast, Last Night’s Game. I can’t wait!!!

Click HERE to be sucked in by the stats on Bachelor Data!

SHOW NOTES:

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