Women Tell All


First off, let me say how excited I am to see all you spoiler-loving people chatting it up on the message board.  I’m so glad I gave you a place to figure out what the heck is going on.  And I’m so glad that I have been strong enough to NOT PEEK ONCE!  Look at me and all my will power.  Go Lincee…go Lincee…it’s your birthday…not really.


This is a reminder to please NOT put spoiler comments on this post.  Use the “Peer Pressure” one from the previous week.  And then it will be all said and done and we can go ahead and get on with our lives and how Dancing with the Stars will be our new obsession. 


The “Women Tell All” episode is notorious for being a great big build up that results in a mediocre night of stuff we already knew or didn’t really care about.  


Therefore, I’m going to keep with my WTA tradition and stick with what I do best.  Making lists!  Oh if I had a colored highlighter for every number, I would be a happy camper!


20 Most Memorable Discoveries/Moments of “The Women Tell All”


1.                  Witnessing Stalker Shannon’s Snotapalooza 2009 in great detail for a second time was just as disturbing as the first.  The blowing of the nose.  The picking of the nose.  The bits of paper napkin remnants left on the nose.  The wackadoo lick of the lips as she dives in for the mucus-layered kiss.  It made my throat thick.   Not necessary ABC.  Not necessary.


2.                  Jason telling Our Host Chris Harrison that “all the clouds were aligning” when he arranged for little Sophie to be reunited with Stephanie on their date.  Really Jason?  The clouds were aligning?  Perhaps you meant stars? 


3.                  Jillian was not only personally handed the “friend card” by Jason, but was publically deemed as the ULTIMATE friend.  Which brings us to…


Classic Hare Moment Number One

Jason:  “Jillian is the ultimate friend.”

Hare:  “Is that how you spend time with a friend in the hot tub?”

Jason:  “There just wasn’t enough passion for marriage.”

Hare:  “Dude…you almost consummated the marriage.”


4.                  Our Host Chris Harrison asks Jason about the overnight date with Molly in the fantasy tent on the putting green in the back yard.  Which bring us to…


Classic Hare Moment Number Two

Hare:  “Jason…what really happened inside the tent?  We heard the zipping.”

Jason:  “Get your head out of the gutter.  We were only in there for three hours.”

Hare:  “Three hours of sex is a lot.”


And this, ladies and gentlemen, is why we love Chris Harrison.  Can I get an amen? 


5.                  Jason is a horse stuntman for his real job. 


6.                  Molly lost a bet at the super swank private country club and somehow Jason ended up in his crimson boxers on the 9th hole.  I guess the clouds were aligning for him and that’s how he won. 


7.                  Jason literally pretends to kill himself with a rubber knife on the set of General Hospital so Stalker Shannon and Megan will cease and desist from sticking their tongues down his throat during “improve” class. 


8.                  Jason decides to rap for Molly on their McDonald date.  And here we go again…


Classic Hare Moment Number Three

Hare:  “That was awful Jason.  Why would you do that again?  We knew from the Bachelorette that you suck.”


9.                  Trista and Ryan have just been named “Longest 15 Minutes of Fame” in the Guinness Book of World Records.  Never fear…Baby Max and Little Sister have healthy college funds. 


10.             Our Host Chris Harrison reminds us that Trista and Ryan are not the only success stories in the ABC Bachelor/Bachelorette franchise.  Charlie and Sarah are back on again after a chance meeting with Garfield at a Halloween party in LA.  Sadly, Sarah decides to air their dirty laundry on national TV and outs her boyfriend’s drinking problem.  Family fun!


11.              Hare asks, “What happens when the cameras stop rolling?”  Apparently lap dances.  And jumping into pools while screaming at the top of your lungs.


12.              Adorable Chicago Fred has found love with the first Noelle.  He thinks she is a blessing and I think I might cry.  YOU’RE MY BOY CHICAGO FRED! 


13.              If memory serves me correctly, Stalker Shannon’s teeth were whiter than before.  Or maybe it’s because her skin was darker and more leathery.  Regardless, she was rockin’ some serious bed head.


14.              Stephanie wore my grandmother’s coral “sleep suit” from 1964. 


15.              Erica is still loud and obnoxious.


16.              Natalie, who doesn’t like jewelry thank you very much, decided to play with all 57 bangle bracelets on her wrist when not smoothing out her hair.  Oh look!  It’s time for another…


Classic Hare Moment Number Four

Hare:  “You seem shocked…well…pissed that you were let go.”

Natalie (adjusting her hair):  “You don’t understand Hare.  I couldn’t have my iPod.  And I need that to work out.  And I didn’t have my Blackberry.  I couldn’t call or text or anything.”


Hare:  “So they took away all your superficial things and you were left with just you.”

Natalie:  “Calm down Hare. 


17.              ABC is blatantly setting Jillian up to be the next Bachelorette.  The tag line will be, “Slaying the dragons to find her Prince.  (But don’t worry…it’s not that Borghese fella.)  Go Canuck!”  Is that too long for a promo spot? 


18.              Why does Naomi continue to sniff her pits?


19.              How many of you thought that Our Host Chris Harrison was going to bring out the ABC intern when he said that he wanted to introduce someone who has been with the show forever in a behind-the-scenes capacity?  You KNOW that would have been a total shout-out to me.  Instead we meet Cesar the limo driver who, I assume, is going to have a bigger role in future seasons.  Or he’s been asked to leave due to the recession and the intern will be driving the girls around in a Volvo.


20.             According to Jillian, Jason is 70% mustard and 20% ketchup.  Considering what’s going down next week (I don’t read spoilers but I hear it’s pretty bad) that leaves about 10% left for d-bag.  


Here’s looking forward to the drama I’ve been missing out on! 


All about the shame, not the fame,


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February 24, 2009 3:35 pm

It’s amazing that when i clicked refresh, there was the update!!! What great timing! Was it just me, or was OHCH looking at Jillian weird??

February 24, 2009 3:37 pm

BEST LINES!!! love it!

I guess the clouds were aligning for him and that’s how he won.

Stephanie wore my grandmother’s coral “sleep suit” from 1964.

You did a great thing with this post considering the lack of material you had to work with.

It just felt like last night’s nights episode or whatever you call it was just trying too hard… my heart almost stopped while seeing previews for next week. I can only imagine!

February 24, 2009 3:39 pm

Was it just me, or was last night’s show pretty darned boring?? I did absolutely crack up at OHCH telling Jason that 3 hours of sex in the tent with Molly is a lot!! That was so funny. Also, when CH and J talked about the overnight dates. The dude just about admitted to sleeping with the girls! I don’t know… Can’t wait to see next week’s MOST SHOCKING, DRAMATIC, EMOTIONAL EPISODE EVER!! 🙂 (I love that!)

February 24, 2009 3:39 pm

I think we got to see a bit more of Molly’s personality last night. I’m referring to the scene where she is pretend kissing the other bachelorette on the bench and then again diving into the bath tub with the other 2 girls and another time with Jason on the golf course. I think the show has really hiden her true personality from the audience and there is likely much more to her than the little bits we’ve seen which depict her as rather one dimensional. I also thought it was interesting when Jillian mentioned that everyone knows that she and Melissa got along really well. (that might have been on the Ellen show last week) She didn’t say that about Molly. There has been a lot of bashing of Jason, OHCH (read his blog) and some of the girls and I wish people would remember that we really don’t know the truth of what unfolded and it’s wrong to judge before we do know.

February 24, 2009 3:41 pm

Thanks Lincee for the recap. Kudos to you for pulling that many laughs out of a stretched 2 hour show that wasn’t all that. Did anyone happen to notice the shots of the girls legs in the back row. There was some serious cellulite going on while they had their legs crossed and the camera man was going in for an unflattering shot. Last night made me love Jillian even more. She’s just a bowlful of class, eh.

February 24, 2009 3:41 pm

I am repeating myself from the last set of comments (this is NOT a spoiler) but does anyone think that Melissa looks like a brunette Jessica Simpson? Holla back if you do!

February 24, 2009 3:42 pm

GREAT list! Your blog is the only reason I keep watching this show!

February 24, 2009 3:46 pm

My new favorite quote every time something goes well for me is going to be that my clouds have aligned! Also, before he introduced Caesar, I screamed “It’s the ABC intern” to my hubby and nearly woke up my two year old!

February 24, 2009 3:47 pm

did you notice erica’s fat thighs and cellulite?! She has put on some pounds. And I think our friend Fred has as well, but I thought it was great that they found love as reality rejects! I am surprised he didn’t pop the question right then and there! Holy Cow! OHCH is a rock star and he does a good job with what they give him!

February 24, 2009 3:48 pm

I was surprised you didn’t mention that Chef was STILL wearing the pink shirt with the popped collar! Too funny!

April M
April M
February 24, 2009 3:49 pm

#2 was a foreshadowing. The clouds were closing in on the end of that relationship!

February 24, 2009 3:49 pm

Haha, when Chris Harrison said he was going to bring out someone who has been with the show for a long time, my husband and I looked at each other and said “the intern!” We were a little disappointed when it was the limo driver, I’m not going to lie.

February 24, 2009 3:52 pm

Lincee I am crying laughing… the BEST part of the show was OHCH – he was on FIRE! And I knew you’d love it… so equal best = reading your blog after.

Absolutely priceless.

Now I have to go get a tissue…. :-p

February 24, 2009 3:52 pm

I totally thought he was going to introduce the ABC intern! I thought it was refreshing to finally see another bachelor couple instead of Ryan & Trista again. I think maybe Natalie should just not talk, it never seems to go well for her. I was a little confused as to what her i-pod etc. had to do with her being pissed that she was sent home. Again, maybe she should stop talking.

Jen (parker,co)
Jen (parker,co)
February 24, 2009 3:53 pm

I WAS SO THINKING IT WAS THE INTERN! Hilarious – I was thinking finally OHCH is going to give Lincee a shout out…and in walks the limo driver.? Insert Jim Halpert face! And all I could think was…what is the limo driver doing there? Who did he drive here? Is he OHCH’s daily driver? Does Bach Jay get the services of a driver until After the Rose?

Anywho – I loved the show. I loved finding out about the past contestants and getting more banter from OHCH. I am excited to see why this is the MOST DRAMATIC, EMOTIONAL, TRAUMATIC SEASON EVER!

And, Lincee you are wonderful…I love your lists!

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