Dear reader, let me begin by declaring that the last four months have been a hot mess. If the first half of 2020 received a letter grade from a teacher, it would be an “F” written in bold, red letters. If we had to rank it on Amazon, it would receive one star for poor performance. If it was an Olympic gymnast, judges would award it low marks for not sticking the landing.
Even though we are just six months in, we must take heart. Quoting the immortal words of Jon Bon Jovi, “Oh, we’re halfway there. OH! Livin’ on a prayer. Take my hand, we’ll make it I swear. OH! Livin’ on a prayer.”
On top of everything else plaguing 2020, we experienced a family emergency. Most of you know my dad has dementia. It’s an awful disease that requires full-time care for your loved one as symptoms progress. My sweet mother has been that person for my dad for years. A few weeks ago, she tried to catch him when he was falling and she ended up in the hospital with a shattered wrist.
This resulted in surgery, a few metal plates, some pins, and a declaration from the doctor announcing that my mother has “the bones of a baby bird.” Awesome.
I won’t get into the details. Just know that circumstances have forced us to make gut-wrenching decisions about his future care. We are trying to figure out the hundreds of important details that go into making life-altering decisions during a time of COVID. Therefore, I’ve decided to take a small hiatus from writing and podcasting during the month of July.
To be clear, we are on a break. I feel like I need to emphasize that point because I’m a normal, fun person who lives most days utilizing lessons learned from watching every season of Friends.
Hard and challenging times often push me to dig into the Bible a little deeper to further seek out His goodness. Lately, I’ve been desperate to find something that makes sense during a senseless time in my life.
Take Psalm 23, for example. I write down all of the things I know to be true from this familiar passage: The Lord is my shepherd. He leads me. He restores my soul. He guides me in the paths of righteousness. I will fear no evil because He is with me. He comforts me. Goodness and love follow me. I will dwell in His house forever.
This is God-breathed scripture. This is His Word. I know it is steadfast and resolute.
The question remains, what if I don’t feel like this is truth right now? How come it doesn’t appear that goodness and love abound at this time? My soul does not feel restored.
In fact, it feels pretty beaten up.
It’s normal to wrestle with belief. It’s natural for me to cry out to God, pleading with Him to help me understand. Obviously a solution is not readily available, yet I still don’t know how to properly grieve. The struggle to process all of this is very real.
It’s easy to read the Psalms and forget that it wasn’t written all at once. David (and the other authors) didn’t sit down one day and pen the entire book. When I find I’m unable to identify with David in Psalm 23, I quickly turn to read his thoughts in Psalm 13:
- How long will You forget me?
- How long will You hide Your face?
- How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and have sorrow in my heart?
- How long will my enemy triumph over me?
- Look on me and answer, O Lord my God!
In two verses, David begs the Lord to answer the question “HOW LONG?” He feels forgotten. He feels lost. He feels hurt. He feels defeated.
But in verse five, something interesting happens:
- But I trust in Your unfailing love.
- My heart rejoices in Your salvation.
- I will sing to the Lord.
- For He has been good to me.
David’s perspective changes.
Did he cry out to the Lord in anguish and confusion? Yes. Did he share all of his raw emotions and feelings with the Lord? Yes. Did he demand that the Lord answer questions and show up in a big way? He did.
But he ends by praising the Lord for His goodness and trusting in His unfailing love. It’s important that we have conversations that encourage each other to honestly process through all of the confusion, heartache, and racial injustice at this time.
It’s okay to struggle.
But we all must return to a place where we do not fear evil, we rejoice in the certainty that God is with us, and we believe His goodness and love will follow us all the days of our lives.
Love you. Mean it. Stay safe. Have courage. Be kind. Wash your hands. And I’ll see you again in August!
Family is first…take care of your parents and take care of yourself! As much as you can, enjoy this time with them. We will all be here when you return!
sending good thoughts as you work through these challenges.
Prayers for your family! I will be here when you come back. Pivot!
Prayers to you and your family for peaceful outcomes as you all struggle through this hard time. I will miss you, so I’ll just re-read your books ’til we’re together again! This post is beautifully written. Maybe a future book could be Bible related – I learned so much just reading this one. Love you, mean it!
Praying for you, your dad, and the rest of the family! I found a book by Max Lucado that was free on Kindle with short readings each day. “God is With You Every Day” has had some really good insights for when things are hard. Attaching a screen shot from one that resonated with me last week.
Wow, this is beautiful. It (unexpectedly) brought me to tears! What an incredible thought.
Thanks for this Krista, I was with my dad when he passed in May, and I swear that I could see him seeing God’s face!!! Thank you again, and prayers for you!!
Oh, Lincee. I’m so sorry to hear about your sweet little mama and daddy as they have endured more than enough in 2020. As if it’s not been crazy enough for all of us, then these circumstances come along. Sending prayers and hugs your way.
“I trust you, Lord. I trust you, Lord. I trust you, Lord. “
I’ll miss you, Lincee. You are a bright light in the world and your podcast is something I look forward to every week. Taking care of parents is very hard–you become the parent and they become like children in many ways. You won’t regret a single moment you spend with them in their last years. Hugs and prayers!
I wish you all the best. I have gone through similar transitions with my mother. It was hard but also beautiful things have come from it. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
Take care, Lincee. Sending prayers to you and your family.
Thanks for letting us know. You and your family are in my prayers.
So sorry to hear this. It sounds so heavy, but I hope you are finding a peace.
Remember, your angels are watching over you and your family with so much love!
Take care of your peeps, we’ll be patiently waiting for your return. We love you! ❤️
Sending you good thoughts, for you and your family. What you’re going through sounds so difficult and I’m sorry.
Prayers for you and your family Lincee. Sending you all much love
Lincee!! Praying for you my friend. Your encouragement is so timely for all of us. It’s the weirdest time in my history, that’s for sure. Here’s what else I know for sure even though we’re on a break, I’ll never cheat with the copy girl (or boy).