My first retraction

Exactly one week ago, I posted my first of many “Great Debate” sections of my blog [WEBSITE]. (See below or click GREAT DEBATE in category column to the right.) My high school friend Chance and I pondered one of the most disputed questions of all time: What would you consider the top five Michael Jackson songs? From the numerous comments that followed that entry, I can see that many of you too ponder this question.

It was earlier this week that I received an email from Chance, clearly stating that he had been misrepresented. The message read:

“I feel so betrayed. I thought your blog [WEBSITE] was a cyber place your readers and friends could go to be happy and give the [CENSORED] sites a rest. Who knew it was just another venue for lies and smear campaigns? The real issue was whether “Smooth Criminal” belongs in the top five. It does not. But I’m willing to let you believe it does without publicly announcing your drug addiction. On the other hand, you have lost all credibility for proposing a MJ top five that doesn’t include “Billie Jean.” Anyway, what I had said was that I think I could name 10 (or maybe it was 15) MJ songs that were better than “Smooth Criminal.” As it turns out, I can name 10 that are unequivocally better:

Billie Jean
Man in the Mirror
Human Nature
The Way You Make Me Feel/Will You Be There (Tie)
We Are the World (yes MJ gets credit since he helped organize it and co-wrote it)
Beat It
Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’

But I also believe that “Black or White” is better and I do not apologize for that. That’s light years from putting it in the top five (apparently five songs = light years). And I can list a number of other songs that arguably outrank “Smooth Criminal.”

I Just Can’t Stop Lovin’ You
Rock with You
The Girl is Mine
Another Part of Me
Bad (okay, I’m just being tacky now)
Dirty Diana
You Are Not Alone (this is clearly a joke)
Who is It (now I’m just naming every MJ song I can remember)
Rockin’ Rob…(never mind)

I enjoy debating such critical questions and would have loved to engage you on the other big issues, such as:

1. What superstars, if any, belong in the all-time top tier with Elvis and the Beatles?
2. How do you feel about the war?
3. Britney: better bald, blonde or brunette?
4. Top five eighties movies of all time?
5. Water boarding…fun or not?
6. In what year did it become not-gay to like Justin Timberlake?

But since I can’t trust you not to throw me under the bus and mischaracterize my every word, I think our debating days are over. I almost posted this on your blog [WEBSITE] to clear my good name, but I didn’t want to make you look bad in front of your readers. Love, Chance”

Dearest Chance,

Clearly a retraction is in order. So sorry that thousands of people found out that you indeed like “Black or White” but would not place it in your top five of all time. And I’m sorry that I said you were on crack for not liking “Smooth Criminal” even though it is one of the best songs ever.

And I am also sorry if it embarrasses you that I posted a picture of us in high school for all the world to see.

Your BFF,


(Yes I have on orange sandals. The 90s were rockin’!

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March 20, 2008 10:46 pm

LOL!!! love the pic! I had lime green ones similar in style! so hawt!

March 21, 2008 6:38 am

Ok, that was one of the most hilarious things I’ve read on your website! It that whole bit came from your friend Chance, you two clearly share the same sort of humor and I would just about pay to be in your presence so you could make me laugh my butt off!! However, I must say I did agree with his top 5 choices moreso than yours. Still love ya, though! 🙂

March 21, 2008 1:05 pm

I am dying. I have had a similar MH debate with my finace over what MJ song (if any) will be played at the reception. I think we have decided on Rock with you, but the fight rages on. I have loved reading your blog for years because you are hilarious. This kind of stuff makes the work day more tolerable.

March 21, 2008 9:11 pm

Don’t forget Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough. Can we get some J5 in too like I Want You Back, or ABC? How about Say Say Say? But we have to watch video where LaTonya Jackson plays the love interest for Michael. But hey if we could look past the hyperbaric chamber, Neverland Ranch, Bubbles the chimp, and him dressing like a lounge singing version of Sgt Pepper during the Thriller years, why not that video,right?

March 22, 2008 5:04 pm

BWAHH!!!! I missed that Don’t Stop Till You Get Enough was in the original post. My bad. Who’s Bad? Dum Dum Dum Dee-Dee Dum Dum…

March 24, 2008 4:17 pm

Lincee…are you married? If not, I have the PERFECT guy for you!!!

March 24, 2008 9:57 pm

CHANCE=HOT!!! How adorable are you two???? Chance was smokin’ back then….can’t imagine what he looks like now!!!!

March 25, 2008 8:38 am

I see your orange sandals and raise them with… pairs of orange and turquoise Vans. I rocked those hard in the 90s. Even though my mom said Orange was not one of my “colors”. I, alas, am a “summer” and “summers” should stay away from the dreaded orange. Turquoise was allowable. Loud, but allowable.

March 25, 2008 9:15 am

Thanks Lincee Bell. A great weight has been lifted. And comment 2 and 7 demonstrate that your readers are a fair and discerning people.

Now I’m not going to try to justify the fact that I’m wearing Larry Byrd-length shorts . . . but seriously, did you just bring up the orange sandals to draw attention away from the far more serious 90s attire infraction (e.g., that you appear to be wearing jorts)?

March 25, 2008 9:30 am

we are all thankful for the larry bryd length shorts chance. : ) we want to see a recent picture of you two!

March 25, 2008 9:46 am

Lincee you have to find us a picture! : ) I personally loved your jorts and retina searing sandals.

March 25, 2008 10:38 am

Chance is hilarious and adorable! I do have to agree with his top 5 list!

Bachelor Recap Fan
Bachelor Recap Fan
March 25, 2008 11:02 am

Lincee – in case you want to nominate Chance. Casting Call: ABC is ready to sift through a new batch of bachelors to find one to star in the next season of The Bachelor. Producers are looking for guys who are charming, ambitious, successful and ready to get hitched. If you are this guy or know someone who is an accomplished CEO, doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur or businessman, contact Sunny at

And did you know that Chris Harrison is hosting on the TVGuide channel now?

March 25, 2008 3:49 pm

1. Sixteen Candles

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