Ripping The Notebook

You all know my friend and fellow Bachelor blogger Some Guy in Austin. Feel free to refresh your memory by checking out his underwear picture here.

I feel it’s important to point you back to that post as often as possible.

About a week ago, I received a phone call from Some Guy. We check in with each other every now and again to make sure the other is still awesome. I was sitting at my desk, drinking a Dr Pepper, working on my compelling live music post, when he said something that stopped me in my creative writing tracks.

SGIA: “I think I’m going to write a review on The Notebook.”

[crickets chirping]

SGIA: “Of course, I’ll make it me, but I think that it would be insightful. My readers would enjoy my take on the movie.”

I slowly creep up out of my uncomfortable swivel chair, close the door to my office and breathe in through my nose and out of my mouth before unclenching my butt and responding:

Me: “Some Guy. I need you to listen very carefully.”
SGIA: “Yeah?”

Me: “The Notebook is sacred ground. You have to be very careful. Tread lightly my confident friend.
SGIA: “How’s this for an ending? The point of The Notebook is that no matter how much you love a woman she will inevitably go crazy and drive you to an early death.”

That’s like me saying the point of Scarface is a reminder to take your daily Valium and no matter how bad things get, friends are not machine guns. Saying hello to one would be silly and foolish.

I yelled in protest. Sure, it sounded like a mixture of a hungry baby pterodactyl and a scream from a prepubescent little girl watching a campy horror movie with her friends at a slumber party, but anyone within earshot of my phone knew I was appalled.

Me: “You’re crazy.”
SGIA: “I’m money.”

The next 24 hours were full of heartburn and Tums. I was afraid for my friend. I was nervous that women all over the globe would burn their bras in protest and vow to never, ever return to his website. Tuesday, post day, finally arrived.

Refresh. Refresh. Refresh.

And there it was, blatantly titled: “I Drink from the Holy Grail”

My eyes dart across the screen. The intro is funny. It’s true to Some Guy’s form. This may not be bad! Perhaps he took my advice!

And then I get to the opening sentence.

The movie begins with a soft music and some guy rowing on a lake at sunrise while some old broad looks knowingly out the window as if she was trying to remember where she’d seen geese before. I was already bored stiff.

What? Excuse me Some Guy, but some guy is none other than the wonderfully talented, sweet, hot, Southern Noah Calhoun. How dare you sir! And don’t talk about Allie that way! And how can you be bored? You’ve sat through roughly a minute of the opening montage.

I knew it was all down hill from this point on. Here are some of the most memorable of his cynical, macho, uncompromisingly male thoughts. Proceed with caution.

Noah butts into Allie’s date and Allie’s date sits there like a pansy in a flowerbed despite his date being openly hit on by Noah. Perhaps her date was bored with him as well. At any rate, Noah climbs the Ferris wheel where Allie and her date are riding and proceeds to hang from the ride one handed until she agrees to go out with him. Whatever. If I had been Allie’s date Noah would have been forced to swallow his Brad Pitt hat long before the stunt on the Ferris wheel. Also, if Allie had agreed to go on a date with him while I was shelling out cash for carnival rides and Ferris wheels, she would have been walking her romantic ass all the way home. Romantic moment or not, dance with the one who brought you, Allie. Trolling for men while you’re on a date is not cool; especially in front of your date.

1. Noah does not just butt into Allie’s date. He is drawn to her. Like a moth to a flame. He can’t help but hop up onto the Ferris wheel and risk life and limb to convince her that he is unequivocally in love with her. It only took a moment. And he was done.

2. You make a good point about shelling out cash for carnival rides while your date agrees to go out with lumberjacks. I guess I get that.

Me: 1

Noah takes Ali to a dilapidated plantation home called Windsor Mansion and exposes her to the dangers of unstable ceilings and flammable, brittle wood. He tells her of his dream of restoring the place if only he had the money to do it.

Exactly! It’s his dream. And he wants her to be a part of it. The dream is not complete unless there are blue shutters and a porch that wraps around the house and room facing the river where she can paint.

Me: 1

She loves Noah so much that—get this–she boozes it up with the rich folks at fancy galas and eventually gets engaged to Lon Hammond and his money.

No, no, no! Noah was her first love. Her one true love. She thought he didn’t want to be with her. She had to push away the pain. She had to live her life and go back to the routine that her Mama and Daddy structured for her. Booze helps. And so does James Marsden. Good Lord he is smokin’.

Me: 1

Noah even manages to include a furniture shop for himself and a painting studio for Allie complete with the symbolic blank canvas awaiting her return. I assumed the canvas symbolized Gosling’s absence of depth rather than Noah’s undying desire for a blank future with Allie.

That blank canvas clearly represents Noah’s undying desire for a future with Allie. And Gosling plays the part beautifully. It’s not absence of depth. He is hopelessly trying to stay afloat in a sea of raw, bitter emotion. There’s no joy left because the only bright light he ever had in his life was a girl that stole his heart one summer in Seabrook.

Me: 1

Sparing her the details of his arduous battlefield missive writing, he instead throws her in a rowboat and takes her to see a flock of digitally created geese in a swamp and pretends like they are romantic symbols of their love rather than the angry, noisy, disease carrying fowl that they really are.

Okay. I sort of get this, only because I think birds are dirty. But the storyline called for a moment where our wayward lovers get caught in a rainstorm in which Ryan Gosling needed to be exercising his sculpted muscles clinging to a wet linen shirt while rowing a boat in the middle of a river. It was hot. The chemistry was there.

Me: 0

On the way back to the perfectly renovated mansion Noah confesses that he is not, in fact, Amish even though he dresses like he is, wears a beard like an Amish person, and builds wooden furniture. He tells Allie that he’s dedicated his every waking moment since that day on the Ferris wheel to her happiness, even at the cost of his own. As it begins to pour Allie has the balls to drop a “why didn’t you write me.”

I will be honest. This made me laugh. He totally looks Amish. The outfit, the beard, the humble spirit and the furniture barn. Touché.

Me: 0

Allie then makes the conscious decision to cheat on her rich, understanding, good looking, tolerant, well-mannered, doting, successful, non-possessive, supportive, giant ring-buying, sensitive fiancé and ends up getting slammed against an antique cupboard while ripping off Noah’s wet, Amish clothes and throwing them on the newly finished wood floor where they undoubtedly soaked into the finish and ruined that section of the wood before Noah ravishes her in the same bed that he ravished the war widow in the day before. Details.

Yeah. This part always bugged me. Cheating is uncool.

Me: 0

I’m exhausted with emotion and I’m only half-way through the post. What more could Some Guy have to say? He’s taken a somewhat perfectly good love story and broken it down into cave man pieces. I was intrigued that there was more to discuss.

In true Some Guy fashion, he has a thought-provoking moment with his readers. For example:

Picture this movie:

A poor, attractive, hard working girl from a single parent home with no money ventures out to the state fair where she meets the man of her dreams who is from a well-to-do family vacationing for the summer on the rich side of her town. They fall madly in love and spend a summer sharing the simple things that make life worth living. Eventually, the man’s parents send him away from the town and the woman is heartbroken. She spends hours upon hours writing letters in hopes of his return. She pines for him relentlessly seeking solace in no one and dedicating her entire existence to the hope of his return.

He goes to school, lives the fast life and beds dozens of women while living off his family money. He eventually falls in love with another woman with family money who supports him and buys him everything he wants. He accepts her affection and proposes a marriage of convenience only to return to town years later and pray on the affections of the dedicated woman. He lies to his friends and family and moves into the woman’s house where she has kept a room for him despite his lack of contact. He cheats on his fiancé and eventually calls of the wedding so he can be with the other woman.

Not the same movie, is it?

I would snatch that girl up and tell her to stop moping around like a depressed, homely old maid and get out there where the action is! Then I’d have a very hard time watching Ryan Gosling in any movie because I would always associate him as a cheater.


Me: 0

Fully expecting Some Guy to make another blatantly negative point about a movie I’ve held so close to my heart since 2004, he jukes and offers up a steaming hot pile of lovey dovey goo with a cherry on top. He recaps the movie again, channeling his inner soft side. I was not expecting that. He used words like, “love language” and “dedicating his existence” and “fulfilled and smitten heart.” I implore you to read it in its entirety.

He insightfully ends with this gem: “The larger picture is that true love never dies and that every woman wants to feel as loved and secure as Allie ultimately ended up feeling—everything else be damned.”

Huh. I pause and have a very Carrie Bradshaw moment. Sure, my keyboard and computer face a beige wall with a bulletin board sporting a haphazard array of Post-It notes instead of a quaint New York City street on the upper east side, but the electricity in the air is still the same as I dictate a question to myself…

Is romance still alive?

Take Some Guy for instance. His honest portrayal, even though it felt like my heart was being ripped from my throat a few times, was appreciated. He allowed us a brief peek in the inner workings of the male brain. But then he turns the tables around, and scores a direct hit (in my opinion) on exactly what I feel when I watch The Notebook. It’s like he’s in my brain. Coincidence?

I think not.

His dual cynical/emotional approach to the movie review gives me hope that there are guys out there who refuse to let romance die. They either embrace that part of their heart…or fake it to impress the dame.

The question is…do I care?

There is an extremely romantic scene in the movie that I rewind over and over and over again. No, it’s not the extended love scene found on the “special features” section of the DVD. (Trust me…that one’s good too.) But I’ve always preferred this one:

I love his gaze at the beginning. His head finally figures out what his heart has been telling him…she really is something special. He wants to hold her close and in a day where chivalry was nowhere near dead, the only way he can touch her in the most gentlemanly way possible is to ask her to dance.

I love that Allie answers, “Sure.” Oh how I identify with this part of her character.

Noah leads her to an empty street and assumes the standard dance position, humming a few bars of the most romantic tune he knows. I admire Allie’s gumption as she reminds him that he is a terrible singer. He humbly accepts her critique and pulls her closer. Then she compliments him because what is happening in that moment is special. Guys just don’t spontaneously dance with girls in the middle of the street as they gently sway to Billie Holiday crooning in the background. I would love to rest my head on the shoulder of a man who is obviously stepping out of his comfort zone because I’m worth it. He pulls away for a dip. She smiles, because every girl feels light as a feather when she’s dipped. He brings her close again, their lips almost touching and you can see that he’s done. There’s no going back. Allie is his life now. And he’ll stop at nothing to make her realize that he’s the only one for her.

Nicholas Sparks wrote the book from which those scenes were born. Countless male artists on my iTunes sing similar lyrics. Some Guy in Austin writes comparable romantic stanzas.

I believe that romance is not dead. Would I prefer the real stuff to the guy that dishes it out because he knows I’ll soak it right up? Of course.

But my true desire is to love and be loved with all my heart. Somewhere out there, a guy is going to find me captivating. And I can’t wait. I can’t wait for the romance that will surely follow.

A boombox held over his head. A ride on a lawn mower into the sunset. A bouquet of wild flowers picked just for me. A birthday cake on a glass dining room table. A “Sissy” license plate in the back of his truck. Risking his life to save me from the lightning sand. A glass slipper that just happens to be size 7½. A perfectly timed laugh. A touch of the small of my back. The gaze that says it all.

A simple dance in the street.

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April 14, 2011 6:34 pm

Awwwwwww. I wholeheartedly agree with everything you said at the end. Doesn’t every single girl, though?

April 14, 2011 6:47 pm

You usuallly make me cry because I’m laughing so hard… Today your last paragraph just made me cry… I hope you get the romance you deserve!!

April 14, 2011 6:52 pm

AUGH! I love that you reviewed Some Guy’s review!!!

April 14, 2011 8:05 pm

Awww, Lincee, I loved this! Especially the last paragraph! I so wish for that for you and for me and for all the hopeFUL romantics out there!

April 14, 2011 9:44 pm

As I was reading SGIA’s post yesterday I kept thinking of you and how you were going to vehemently protest his “male” viewpoint. I’m so glad that you reviewed his post so I don’t have to imagine what you were thinking. I did think that turning around the story’s male/female roles was pretty brilliant and telling. It really is a completely different and messed-up story that way.

April 14, 2011 11:05 pm

I read every single word of this post and loved it. His comments weren’t too far off from reality, but he brought it home in a gentle, very true way. Yes, that’s what every girl wants. Very well said.

Post It Girl
Post It Girl
April 15, 2011 8:21 am

I have to admit, Some Guy’s take on the Notebook was funny with his sarcasm. Especially when he turned the tables if Alli and Noah were reversed. What you said at the end is so true – who doesn’t want to feel special?

To me, chivalry should never die – that is the way men can show us they care, and make us feel loved in just one simple gesture. That kindness speaks volumes.

Well said, Lincee, well said!

– Post It Girl

April 15, 2011 8:36 am

I’m such a dude. The Notebook makes me sort of vomit. : )

April 15, 2011 10:25 am

OMG. Could you guys please do a dueling recap for Sweet Home Alabama? And SGIA, you’ll probably get more points if you do it in your undies. I’m just saying.

April 15, 2011 10:35 am

Loved your post, Lincee, and the last paragraph brought tears to my eyes. I had all that not so recently in the past, but like all great love stories, it was not meant to be. It still hurts more than it should, but I am happy that I at least found true love once in my life. I hope it happens for you too and stays forever, unlike mine.

April 15, 2011 11:28 am

Lincee, great recap of the SGIA recap! Way to call him out on the carpet. So who won?? It loosk like 5-4 for Some Guy! But one thing he can’t do is state it so well at the end like you did. Every girl deserves and wants just that. I have an awesome husband, but oh how we easily forget all those romantic things over time. My husband used to write me letters every week while he was off to college and after 16 years I still have all of those letters.

Lincee, I wish you the best in finding your soul mate, and even though we all know every day is not like in the movies it’s all about what we do with each day that counts. You’re the BEST!!

April 15, 2011 12:24 pm

I was getting worried there for a minute that I’d have to cut Some Guy out of my reading list…but then I remembered…I read your site way more than his. LOL He did redeem himself near the end.

I love the street dance too! This whole movie melts my heart…I still remember the first time I watched it…balled like a baby!

I feel you Lincee on your last few paragraphs….so wishing the same for you…me and all the other single ladies out there looking for love. I had at one time thought I experienced real love…and while I found out it wasn’t the same back to me from the other person…I can say my emotions and feelings were real even if the other didn’t feel the same. I am now no longer sad of that outcome b/c I was being true to me. From a book I read recently…you already have a true love but may not know it….It’s You!

April 15, 2011 1:43 pm

Whew! Your last paragraph brought tears to my eyes as well. Hold out for that Lincee! Those of us that did not wish we had.

April 15, 2011 2:05 pm

I’m with Jill – the Notebook sucks! Hate that movie

April 15, 2011 2:51 pm

I just think you and SGIA would make the perfect couple. When are you two going to realize it??!!

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