I was scrolling through Instagram over the weekend and noticed something odd. Nicholas Sparks was everywhere. Because I make it my job to know if there is anything resembling a brand new love story opening in theaters, I am well aware that my boy Nick doesn’t have a film slated to debut in the near future.

Then it hit me. Of course The Sparks is all over social media. He’s the godfather of Valentine’s Day. His movies are a staple item on February 14. Right next to the chocolate covered strawberries, cherib-shaped helium balloons, and those conversation hearts that taste like chalk.

Yes, I’ve tasted chalk before. Don’t act like you haven’t.

Once it made sense why Nicholas was everywhere, I puzzled through the thought-process of the film showcased in the advertisements.

Safe Haven? Really? Of all the Nicholas Sparks movies out there, you’re going to pick Safe Haven as the poster child for Valentine’s Day bliss? Clearly, I need to run the marketing over there. If anyone knows Nicholas, have him call me.

Of course the quintessential Sparks film is the 2004 king of romances, The Notebook, hands down. None of the other Sparks films even come close to its greatness. Plus, it has my boy Ryan Gosling as the male lead. And we all know how I feel about Ryan.

I think we should pick another option.

For arguments sake, let’s omit The Notebook from its obvious powerhouse status in the romance department and place it directly on the pedestal where it belongs. I’m going to also omit Nights of Rodanthe because I’ve never seen it, which is super strange since it was the movie that came out directly after The Notebook and one would think I would have stood in line opening night to see Nicky hit it out of the park again.

Alas, lighting does not strike twice. It’s been a decade and I still haven’t taken the time to watch this one. I’m not sure why. I have nothing against Richard Gere and Diane Lane. I also feel that Nicky doesn’t lean “older” romances unless he flashes back to the younger version of two characters from days of yore.

Bottom line: The Notebook and Nights of Rodanthe are out.

That leaves nine Nicholas Sparks films. I’ll provide a little synopsis and the original trailer to refresh your memory and then we will decide as a community which TWO films should be showcased on Valentine’s Day advertisements, because I know picking one will be impossible.

Make sure to vote below! Oh, and there will be spoilers!

IN CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER

Message in a Bottle
1999
Starring: Kevin Costner and Robin Wright
Trailer:

Gist: Man’s wife dies. He sends her messages in a bottle. Woman finds bottle. Falls in love with man through his writings. Stalks man and falls in love. Big storm. Does not end well.

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? No
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? YES
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? By a car
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

A Walk To Remember
2002
Starring: Mandy Moore and Shane West
Trailer:

Gist: Popular boy falls in love with unpopular girl. She teaches him things he never knew about himself. The future is bright! Or is it…

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? Yes
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? YES
• Is there a wise old person? Sort of if you count Mandy’s dad
• Where does the epic kiss take place? On a dock
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

Dear John
2010
Starring: Channing Tatum and Amanda Seyfried
Trailer:

Gist: Soldier Boy is on leave for two weeks. He falls in love with a local girl. He’s shipped off to war. They write letters. None are sent in bottles. Must choose between country and girl.

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? Sort of
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? YES. TWICE.
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? Habitat for Humanity House
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

The Last Song
2010
Starring: Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth
Trailer:

Gist: Sultry New York daughter lives with father for the summer. Falls in love with a rich kid sand volleyball player. Also, BABY TURTLES!

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? Yes
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? YES
• Is there a wise old person? No
• Where does the epic kiss take place? On the beach
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

The Lucky One
2012
Starring: Zac Efron and Taylor Schilling
Trailer:

Gist: Polaroid picture of a girl literally saves Soldier Boy. So he walks across America with his dog to go find her to say thanks. Only he doesn’t say thanks.

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? No
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? YES
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? In front of a car
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

Safe Haven
2013
Starring: Julianne Hough and Josh Duhamel
Trailer:

Gist: Girl leaves abusive husband and finds sanctuary with a guy who is way older than her and befriends Robin Sparkles.

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? No
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? Yes
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? Against a tree in the woods
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

The Best of Me
2014
Starring: James Marsden and Michelle Monaghan
Trailer:

Gist: Young love, lost love, found love, DEATH, tears, vow to never watch again, horrible

• Are main characters from different worlds? No
• Does a parent not approve? Yes
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? Yes
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? In front of the house – both times
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

The Longest Ride
2015
Starring: Scott Eastwood and Britt Robertson
Trailer:

Gist: Sorority girl finds herself a bull rider who wears his jeans too short.

• Are main characters from different worlds? Yes
• Does a parent not approve? No
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? Yes
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? In front of a camp fire
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

The Choice
2016
Starring: Benjamin Walker and Teresa Palmer
Trailer:

Gist: Neighbors fall in love and then, of course, she gets in a car wreck.

• Are main characters from different worlds? No
• Does a parent not approve? No
• Is there time spent near a body of water? Yes
• Does someone die? No
• Is there a wise old person? Yes
• Where does the epic kiss take place? The kitchen
• Is the male lead attractive? You decide

Let’s vote! Pick TWO!!!