Bachelorette Charity Recap | Hometowns

How is it already time for hometowns? I feel like Charity’s romantic journey to find love has been more of a brisk powerwalk around the block to see who is available, am I right? How is she supposed to figure out if she likes someone if she’s only known them for three to four weeks versus the traditional seven to eight weeks?

Something tells me the Paradise schedule is to blame for this unfortunate circumstance. Or maybe it’s our golden bachelor Gerry? Perhaps ABC feels the need to fast-track his journey in case certain factors that may cut a season short. Like a broken hip during a bungee jumping date or an impromptu trip to the hospital that has nothing to do with another contestant pushing someone down the stairs.

Hey, at least Charity gets to spend a few days in Fiji as she breaks the heart of two perfectly good men in order to be with one perfectly normal man.

It could definitely be worse.

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying patriotic candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelors on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

AARON

Is Aaron a catch? I think so. Is he the most dynamic individual of the bunch? Probably not. Was his family a delight? Yes!

However, three indicators led me to believe our dear friend Aaron would be getting the boot at the end of this hometown tour.

First, Charity mentioned not once, but twice, that Aaron was behind the other suitors. She had not been alone with him since the Hollywood sign date, which was her very first one-on-one date. That was episode two, which might as well be five years ago.

Second, when Charity rolls into Aaron’s family’s home and eats all the delicious fried things, ABC makes sure to lean in on Aaron’s relationship with his brother and father. Aaron tells his younger brother that he’s always looked up to him and absolutely glows when his dad tells Aaron that he’s proud of the man he’s become.

Interesting. It seems we are getting more of Aaron’s storyline during his date with Charity.

But the biggest, most obnoxious of the red flags is when Aaron’s mother asks Charity if she would marry her son if he proposed. Charity’s noteworthy answer is, “Probably not.”

Ex-squeese me?

Charity makes sure Mama knows that it has nothing to do with Aaron’s character. But when she says yes, she wants to be one hundred percent sure. Why Aaron’s mother didn’t whisper this vital information into her son’s ear as he was leaving is a mystery.

Finally, when Aaron takes Charity to make out on the fifty-yard line of his high school football stadium and plays the Lauren Alaina song they danced to during the Hollywood date, Charity’s face is a classic example of ugly crying.

Thick tears. Snot. Scrunched up face. Hiccups. Tracks of missing foundation lining her face.

The girl was a hot mess. And the only reason why she would be crying so uncontrollably during a moment when she should be making out with the guy she’s clinging to is if she’s about to break that poor man’s heart on national television.

JOEY

Right off the bat, Charity looks at the camera and tells us how excited she is to meet Joey’s family. Then she whispers that she’s going to tell Joey she loves him.

I’m sorry, what show are we watching?

Charity proclaims her intentions three additional times as the pre-date goes on. This is the day that the Lord has made, and she will rejoice in telling Joey that she is in love.

When the fourth time rolls around, I buy a clue. This is ABC setting her up for failure. There’s no other reason ABC would air this taboo sentence unless a giant bomb is about to be dropped.  

Also, is it me, or does Charity save her cutest outfits for Joey? She looked stunning in her yellow dress when she first met him in Pennsylvania. As Joey bends down to encourage the ever-popular Jump and Straddle™, I giggle at his inability to recognize that Charity’s phenomenal dress was not designed to allow her body to bend in such a way.

My how my jaw dropped when she popped up into his arms and wrapped her legs around his waist. What do I know about designer fashion and the strength of its stitching?

Joey takes Charity to a tennis court and hands her the most adorable purple tennis outfit on the planet. Then they proceed to out-flirt each other with cuteness overload. I had all but given Joey the final rose. Myself, until his Uncle Joe shows up.

Uncle Joe is a significant figure in Joey’s life. In fact, Joey confesses that Uncle Joe’s opinion matters more to him than any other soul. This is when my scalp starts to prickle, wondering if Uncle Joe is about to shake some things up.

Things are fine at first. Joey’s darling family cries in all the right spots and praises Charity for being down-to-earth and lovely. The tears flow even harder when Charity tells his mom and sister that she’s falling in love with Joey. Oh, happy day!

Unfortunately, no one gave Uncle Joe the “we are a shiny happy family” memo. When he steals Charity away, Uncle Joe eases into his cynicism by calming stating that he knows Joey will be a great father and husband – one day. He’s not sure if he’s ready for that now. Additionally, Joey tends to be what other people want him to be. How does Charity know that she has the genuine Joey?

HOW IS SHE SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT, UNCLE JOE???

Obviously, this accusation dampens Charity’s desire to shout from the rooftops that she’s in love with Joey until the end of time. In fact, it downright makes her act strange enough for Joey to pick up on the weirdness.  

While on the Roaming Bench in the front yard, Joey sings her praises as she stares at him with a blank face. He reminds her that he is falling in love with her even more and is puzzled by her tears, which she claims are happy.

Joey doesn’t buy it and wonders what could have happened. No one spies Uncle Joe peeking through the curtains in the background.

XAVIER

Not a lot happens on this date, which is expected. No one can remember Xavier’s name!

He meets Charity in Cleveland, and where does he take her? To a knitting circle. Full of quirky people who love to sit around and create things from yarn. I was hella impressed when Xavier compared a relationship to “working the needles.” It might be my favorite analogy of all time.

Once they leave the yarn store, they make their way to Xavier’s family. Charity charms them all! She even asks Xavier’s mom if he is ready for marriage, and the woman calms every fear Charity has regarding Xavier’s unwillingness to profess his love after two dates.

Xavier’s dad advises his son to trust, believe, and love unconditionally. That’s all you need in a relationship. It’s that easy!

After his mom warns him not to hold back, we find Xavier and Charity sitting on the Roaming Bench in the front yard. She’s again moved to tears as the third man in her roster tells Charity he is falling in love.

Let the record show that these tears appear natural, not manifested by guilt or sadness.

DOTUN

Charity’s last stop is Fresno, California, where all of Bachelor Nation manages to be enchanted by Dotun’s broken English-speaking grandmother. The woman is in charge since Dotun’s parents are in Nigeria, and she takes her job and cooking responsibilities very seriously.

I adore her. With my whole heart. Especially when she tells the camera that Dotun and Charity are “bound in heaven.”

Dotun’s siblings fully drink the Charity Kool-Aid when his older sister states, “I hope you like Nigerian food.” Charity assures the sister that her best friend is Nigerian and that she loves Nigerian food.

She’s in.

Suddenly, Dotun’s parents bust through the back garden gate, having been flown in from Nigeria on ABC’s dime so that Charity can meet her future in-laws. Dotun’s mom takes a different approach from everyone else by asking Charity how she’s feeling in this super intense process. Then she offers to give the girl a ginormous Nigerian wedding if she chooses her son.

And then Grandma tells Charity she loves her. Gah! SO STINKING CUTE!

Dotun seals the deal by borrowing a Thunderbird from the old man down the street and whisking Charity away to watch a movie at a drive-in theater. No, they didn’t watch Barbie or Oppenheimer. It was a slideshow of old baby photos of Charity and Dotun, which made Charity cry for the fourth time.

ROSE CEREMONY

I know some of you thought that Joey was a goner, but I never waivered on my theory that Aaron was the one going home this week. And I was right. It was the Friday Night Lights tears that sealed the deal for me.

As for who’s left, I believe it’s between Joey and Dotun. I think she is more attracted to Joey, but now he has to prove his genuine. She likes Dotun and knows he would be a wise choice. Is the chemistry there? We’ll have to wait and see!