Bachelorette Charity Recap: Love Hurts
Bachelorette Charity Recap | Finale
ABC did its best to trick us during Charity’s final moments on her journey to find love, and let me tell you, dear reader, IT WORKED. I had all but monogrammed Joey’s initials on a towel and sent my practical engagement gift in the mail postmarked “Charity’s House | Georgia” when his bright blueberry suit pant leg unfolded itself out of the limo.
First. In. Line.
Was I excited to learn that Dotun was the big winner? Yes! Was I sad for Joey and Charity’s parents for his second-place finish? Absolutely.
But nothing gave me greater relief than to learn that Peter the Pilot will NOT be our next bachelor. When his mother, Barb, received more airtime than Charity for the entirety of the three-hour finale, my throat thickened to the point of gasping, terrified that ABC was giving Peter a 2.0 season.
Luckily, Barb and Mr. Barb have made some odd deals with the showrunners. How else did they land a ticket in the studio audience without their precious son in tow? Is the cameraman Barb’s brother? Is that why he cut to her face in the audience at least twice a segment?
We may never know. And that’s okay because, rest assured, Peter will not be visiting our screens in early 2024, vying for the hearts of nurses and life coaches. That honor goes to Joey, of course.
Can we all collectively thank the stylist who taught him how to tame naturally curly hair? Goodness! Joey looks G-O-O-D. And he’s a great choice for our next bachelor. Good for him. He deserves love, and I hope his own personal journey will catapult him forward. I want him out of Charity’s orbit. Shoot him beyond her circle of influence, please.
Why? Because home slice is still in love with her. And if I were Dotun, I’d be concerned that she still holds a torch (AND ADMITTED SHE ALWAYS WILL) for the tennis pro from Hawaii. Is that why Dotun looked slightly shaken in the studio audience when they trotted him out to showcase his glee? Isn’t it weird that his fiancé ugly cried all over this man at the Home Depot Proposal Pedestal (Fiji’s Version) and then promised to love him forever to the live studio audience?
Kudos to sweet Joey for correcting her with a quick, “We are not IN love with each other, but we will always HAVE love for each other.”
And don’t get me started on Vickie.
Charity’s mom is not having it. Am I right? Was it just me, or were her emotions a bit muted as she watched her daughter fling her huge diamond around Jesse’s face? I respect her entirely for not bending to Charity’s demand for her parents to essentially tell her which dude to pick. She clearly preferred Joey and knew immediately to keep her mouth shut regarding Dotun.
It wouldn’t have been so apparent if Charity’s parents hadn’t smiled and applauded with the enthusiasm of a Bama Rush girl when Dotun announced that Charity would be performing on Dancing with the Stars.
That’s not the only surprise. No, I’m not talking about Charity and Dotun’s free trip to Greece. I’m talking about Jesse’s insistence that we get pumped for one lucky lady in the studio audience who will be joining Joey’s season.
Lame doesn’t begin to describe the process. Jesse wanted us to whoop and holler for a Hawaiian-Los Angeles transplant named Leia, who thinks Joey is the bomb. And then we had to pretend to care that Kat and Brooklyn (from Zach’s season) were interested in “whoever the bachelor may be.” And finally, there was poor Annie, who didn’t make an impression on anyone.
Jesse puts us “out of our misery” at the end and deems Leia worthy of a spot on the roster. He forces her to have an awkward conversation, and I almost fast-forwarded but paused when I saw Jesse had Leia a white envelope that she is forbidden to open until she gets to the mansion.
- She’s totally going to open it.
- There’s nothing in that envelope because ABC doesn’t trust her not to open it.
- COLOR ME INTRIGUED!
Here’s hoping this envelope contains some wild card situation. Is this a free date card? Is this a free rose? Does she get to take someone’s rose away? Is it alone time with Joey? Could it be a gift card to the nearest Chick-Fil-A? We don’t know! But I love it all the same.
Speaking of love, our beloved Gerry’s season finally has a premiere date. Mark your calendars for September 28. This date is important because it’s both our golden bachelor and our germy Bachelor in Paradise! That’s right! Three hours of franchise fun!
Look closely at that date, people. Get ready for some mental gymnastics, because our favorite grandpa and debauchery-filled BIP season is coming at you on Thursday nights instead of Mondays. Switch those gears!
Get ready for two entirely ends of the spectrum!
Once I saw that Joey had a new ‘do I knew he was the one. They always change the bachelor/ette’s hair before the season. It works though!
I didn’t feel Vickie’s emotions were muted. Her negativity came through loud and clear. Her first smile was for charity’s chance to dance with a star. I think Dotun is great, Joey too. Good thing she kept her mouth shut. Thanks as usual for a great recap.
I am still pretty confused about why Vickie didn’t seem to click with Dotun at all, versus how she liked Joey so much. Dotun was polite and his awkwardness seemed very genuine to me. And he seems like a mature and competent adult man. What parent wouldn’t love that for their daughter?
Disapproval and disappointment radiated off of Vickie. No graciousness there. What happened to letting her daughter make up he4 own mind. Better than another season of Peter pilot’s Barbara shouting hers to the skies.
Disapproval and disappointment radiated off of Vickie. No graciousness there. What happened to letting her daughter make up her own mind. Better than another season of Peter pilot’s Barbara shouting hers to the skies. Thanks for all you do. Your reviews are the best.
There’s nothing I can really add, but I just wanted to say thanks for the recap. Even though I rarely comment, I do check for them every week, and I sure have missed them.
I’m looking forward to Germ Squirt Beach, even though I cringe as I watch it. Usually the contestants are so different on BIP – seems like sometimes the heroes turn into villains and vice versa.
I also love these recaps and I have checked each week, multiple times a week, hoping to see one!! I have missed them because they make me smile and totally agree with your insights. I hope you never stop writing!!
Lincee, I was so happy to see this recap! I have really missed them. I always look for yours before I search for anyone else’s to read, as YOURS IS THE BEST and completely encompasses everything I think and feel about the show! You pick up on every nuance, every little detail, and it’s so entertaining. I really appreciate your writing and all of your spot-on descriptions!
I’m so glad to see a post, but I can’t believe we had so many episodes without one! I was kind of hoping this one would be lengthy and go over all the things that happened the last few episodes. ☹️
Just gotta say, I LOVED this season of Bachelorette. So glad it had some amazing men for Charity and a happy ending. Big, big thanks to you, Lincee and to Some Guy in Austin as well for all the wonderful recaps and podcasts! They are a blast to enjoy every week!!