Bachelor Zach Recap | Episode 7

Hello everyone,

I want you to get excited because Some Guy in Austin and I are really digging into episode seven of The Bachelor so you can properly prepare for next week’s hometown dates. In this episode, we tackle very important questions, such as:

• Is Budapest the perfect place to fall in love? Or the perfect place to dash dreams by allowing a mentalist to interfere in the love lives of our cast?
• Who put the FUN in funicular?
• Public bath houses: Incredible? Or incredibly gross?
• Did Kat shoot herself in the foot in this episode? Or is she still reeling from her decision to steal Zach away during Charity’s one-on-one? 

And finally, should Jesse Palmer go ahead and adopt Zach into his family now? Or wait and announce that on After the Final Rose? 

Zach Palmer has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?

SIMPLE DISCLAIMER

The following information you are about to read is of personal opinion. You probably aren’t even reading this because the simple disclaimer has been a part of my recap since the days I emailed this puppy to just a few of my closest friends. HA! Fooled you. You’ve skipped this amusing mockery and will not know what in the world your friends are talking about when they say, “Did you like the new disclaimer Lincee wrote?” However, if you or someone on Instagram happens to personally know, sort of know, know the brother/cousin of, thought you saw in the grocery store buying leftover Christmas candy or have an Orange Theory instructor who looks exactly like one of the bachelorettes on the show…none of this is personal. I’m sure they are all lovely people.

FIRST ONE-ON-ONE DATE
“Let’s Fall In Love In Budapest”

When Kaity’s name is read from the date card, most women respond with light squeals of delight. Kat decides to cry because, evidently, the reality that her name is not on the notecard means Zach hates her guts.

Kaity’s white top is a feat of engineering that impresses me to no end. She runs and performs a wonky Jump and Straddle (TM). It’s off because Zach makes the decision to squat low in anticipation of Kaity’s hurling body. On the other hand, Kaity feels the need to use all her strength to catapult herself into Zach’s waiting arms. Her crotch ends up somewhere around his neck. It was awkward.

When Kaity asks if they are going to ride a gondola, Zach corrects her by informing his date that it’s called a funicular. Calm down, Zach. You’re in Budapest. Give her some credit for coming up with gondola.

The “trolley car” takes them up a steep hill to the Castle District. Fun fact: When I was in Budapest, the line for the funicular was so long my friend Nancy Jane, and I decided to walk the steps adjacent to the mode of transportation. It nearly killed me. I think it’s the equivalent of thirty flights of stairs!

At the top of the ride, Kaity and Zach find an old timely typewriter. They spend the next hour hunting and pecking out love notes to each other. Zach is smitten. He loves that her favorite color is purple and even summons the courage to tell Kaity that his original last name is Shacklecross.

I know that had to be hard for him to admit. He’s so brave.

At dinner that night, Zach asks Kaity what she wants in a relationship. We all know the answer (stability) because this is the exact same question he asked her on their first one-on-one. He gives Kaity the date rose, and they head to a private bathhouse so they can make out all night long.

I think it’s Kaity’s to lose. Who’s with me?

GREER

For those of you who don’t remember, Greer is the one who contracted fake COVID from Zach, but instead of sending her home, she’s been moving from place-to-place quarantining. Finally, after six days, she FINALLY tested negative for COVID. Jesse Palmer tells Zach that Greer is flying into Budapest from Estonia, and we see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to remember who this “Greer” is and why JP would think he needs to know her traveling schedule.

When she shows up at his hotel room, all the memories of night one come flooding back. Is this the spunky young woman who received the first impression rose? Wasn’t that three weeks ago?

It was three weeks ago, but like dog years, three weeks is equivalent to twelve years in Bachelor math.

Greer busts into the room, optimistic as a lark. She is CONFIDENT Zach will love her family and can’t wait for him to meet the entire clan. But, as she begins the begat game, spouting off names in her family tree, Zach has to stop her.

It seems that his connection has grown with other women in the group, and it wouldn’t be fair if he met Greer’s family since. Poor Greer looks flabbergasted. Why would they fly her all the way to Budapest if he wouldn’t give her a chance? So you put in all this effort for her to say goodbye?

Indeed they did, Greer. Indeed they did.

GROUP DATE
“Love Is the Only Thing On My Mind”

Hearing her name on the group date card sends Kat into a special kind of turmoil. She takes everything personally. To make matters worse, her sworn enemy Brooklyn gets the second one-on-one. THE NERVE OF ZACH.

Gabi, Charity, Ariel, and Kat find Zach standing with a Hungarian stranger in a creepy theater. The guy explains that Budapest is the birthplace of magic (random) and asks each woman to extend their arms and make their hands into a fist. Next, he draws a heart on Zach’s palm and then tells the women that whoever has a heart on her palm is Zach’s true love.

Gabi celebrates when she opens her hand to see a pink heart. Then she freaks out, wondering how that heart ended up on her hand. The other women ooooh and ahhhh at the neat trick. Kat cries because she hasn’t been chosen. By Zach or the heart.

The man introduces himself as a mentalist and warns the women that he’s about to take them through a series of questions that will uncover all sorts of truths about their personalities. BEWARE! HE CAN TELL WHEN YOU’RE LYING. Who’s first?

Gabi sits across from Zach and is asked to picture herself in a desert with a box. When the mentalist asks what her box is made from, Gabi answers, “Glass.”

Mentalist: “Interesting. You worry about people being able to see through you. They are confused around you.”

Gabi listens intently as the mentalist asks her to think of one word that describes what she wants in a relationship. When she pauses, he yells at her, to be honest. Gabi defended herself by explaining that her “confused mind” thought of two words and was trying to decide which one to pick.

The mentalist writes something down on his tiny chalkboard. When Gabi shares that her first word was “comfort” and her second word was “security,” all mouths drop open when the mentalist flips the chalkboard to reveal BOTH words.

The proper response here is to be mystified by the man’s talents. Instead, Zach’s women freak out.

Ariel is concerned that the mentalist called her mysterious and claimed that she keeps her “real self” from Zach. Charity couldn’t recover from the mentalist knowing that she still has issues with her past boyfriend’s infidelity.

But Kat’s experience was the worst. When the mentalist asks if she’s ready to introduce her family to Zach, she shyly nods her head. He stares at her with hard eyes, and she eventually eeks out, “I guess so.” Ouch.

When he asks if she’s ever considered leaving the show, I thought Kat would straight up lie and confess that it’s never crossed her mind. Nope! She admits that too. Zach looks like he’s ready to show her the door right then, but they made him have individual one-on-one moments with each woman at the cocktail party that night.

Ariel does the best to cover her tracks. She spends her time telling Zach how much she likes him and how excited she is to introduce him to her Jewish family in New York. Gabi does a good job smoothing things over as well. She blames her insecurities on her ADHD and adores Zach’s willingness to take her on.

Charity cries through her time, but Zach doesn’t mind. He is into this woman!

And then there’s Kat. BLESS. She halfway blames Zach for her erratic behavior. They wouldn’t be in this mess if he had just given her a one-on-one. But never fear. She will get through this storm and see him on the other side.

Kat thinks the conversation was awesome and is one hundred percent sure she is getting the date rose. When Zach calls Gabi’s name, she returns to the shell of a person she’s been for weeks and cries pitifully in her hair extensions because life isn’t fair.

SECOND ONE-ON-ONE
Brooklyn

There were several tells that pointed to Brooklyn going home. The first one was their bike ride around Budapest. Compared to Kaity’s hand-in-hand date around the town, Brooklyn was forced to ride in platform sneakers, unable to even chat with our bachelor, thanks to the bumpy cobblestone streets.

Yes, the balloon ride was fun, but then Zach takes her to a public bathhouse where it would be inappropriate to make out the way he and Kaity did in their private bathhouse.

Finally, any time the lead has to get up from dinner to get some air, things are about to go down in a rejection sort of way. Zach hears how excited Brookly is to introduce him to her hero of a grandpa and rock-solid mother. She never brings anyone home, so this is monumental!

Zach cries to his handler, questioning how he could meet these amazing people when he isn’t sure Brooklyn is the one. So he gently lets her down, telling her she deserves the love he can’t give.

I’m confident that Brooklyn will find an Oklahoman cowboy to take her away. Or a jack wagon in Paradise. Whichever comes first.

ROSE CEREMONY

Along with Kaity and Gabi, Zach and his new haircut hand roses to Ariel and Charity. Kat is out, and that means the waterworks really start to flow. By everyone.

Zach escorts her to the roaming breakup bench and is unable to articulate an answer to Kat’s one question — WHY? He cobbles together something about a connection behind lost in the past few weeks. Kat wants Zach to know that she tried her hardest, but it wasn’t enough.

True statement.

Zach puts her in the rejection limo to catch a ride back to the States with her bestie Brooklyn. And then he embraces Jesse Palmer in a weeping bear hug that can only be described as paternal.

If this is how Zach responds to someone leaving who he technically didn’t have feelings for, imagine the rest of the season when he has to reject a woman who could have been “the one!”