Bachelor Clayton Recap: Friends With Benefits

Bachelor Clayton Recap | Episode 2

As we settle into the second week of Clay-en’s journey to find love, several things are made clear by the end of this two-hour extravaganza. First of all, everyone seems more relaxed in the official Bachelor mansion, excluding Jesse Palmer, who gives off a “what am I doing here” vibe. You can tell someone in the front office likened this hosting gig to a former football player commentating on Saturday morning for athletes ten years younger.

Except this is a whole new ball game, and Uncle Jesse doesn’t know what the hell he’s doing. Exhibit A: Clayton asks his fearless leader if anyone has ever taken a rose back before. Poor Uncle Jesse stares blankly at his doppelgänger and itches to phone a particular friend with the initials OHCH. 

We also learn that Hilary Duff really, really, really wants her new show, How I Met Your Father, to succeed on Hulu. It’s the only explanation of why she pretends to be a super fan of the show while conversing with the one girl in the cast who hates children. 

And finally, I think it’s perfectly acceptable for me to claim Clayton as a bit of a doof. Having to follow someone like Michelle Young, who possesses the most eloquent conversational skills, makes me bless Clayton’s heart any time he responds to his date with a mundane, “I love that,” or “Cool.”

However, we don’t watch The Bachelor for the lead. Instead, we watch this show for the catty women who surround the lead with overt drama, needless whining, profound tears, and bawdy stories. 

And when a handful of women all take turns licking the spoon from the crazy batter this early in the season, I can’t help but think that even though Clayton is bulky in every sense of the word, the entertainment value is going to be off the charts! 

I’m all in!

GROUP DATE ONE
“This is what dreams are made of!”

Uncle Jesse introduces himself to the ladies of the house. So many heard stories of this man from their mothers when they watched his season many eons ago. They giggle in all the right places and squeal with glee when their names are called from the date card. 

But no one is as ecstatic as Cassidy when Hilary Duff waltzes out from behind a bounce house to greet Clayton and his ladies. Hilary claims that she “loved seeing Clayton in action” during Michelle’s season when he won over a gaggle of Ms. Young’s students. However, for Clayton to find the right partner, she feels he needs to see the women spend thirty minutes preparing for a birthday party. 

Hil doles out various jobs. There’s cake decorating, a tea party station, construction of a dollhouse, streamer duty, and clown brigade. The ladies serve wholeheartedly, eager to please Lizzie McGuire. Several minutes pass when someone notices that neither Clay-en nor Cassidy are in attendance. 

That’s because Cassidy pulled Clay-en over to the Duff’s swimming pool for half an hour of dry humping. She’s not here to make friends, people. And she’s certainly not here to hang out with children. How do I know this? Because she tells them. AT THE TEA PARTY. 

Obviously, Cassidy’s behavior results in a massive target on her back, but she doesn’t care. She snags the cake Genevieve spent all afternoon decorating and starts serenading Mya, the birthday girl. It didn’t technically matter that Cassidy had no clue which darling child was Mya because she tripped and dropped the cake before finishing the first stanza of “Happy Birthday.”

Somehow, Cassidy turns this snafu into a silly food fight. Miraculously, no children cried upon seeing their dessert smeared all over the Duff’s well-manicured grass. Cassidy takes Clay-en’s hand so they can “clean up” with the pool water. She hard core makes out with the bachelor again. 

Did Clay-en like it? I’m going to guess that he did, based on the fact that Cassidy received the date rose to the chagrin of each of the other women. The beginning of the cocktail portion of our night painted Cassidy in a questionable corner. About as questionable as Clayton’s decision to wear a white hoodie with his blazer.

The women are curious why Cassidy didn’t pull her weight at the birthday party. Cassidy responds with an oldie, but goodie: “I’m not here to make friends. I’m here for Clay-en.” BUT WHAT ABOUT THE CHILDREN, CASSIDY? WHAT ABOUT THEM!? 

Cassidy doesn’t care. Literally. She is on this journey to love Clay-en and Clay-en only. 

ONE-ON-ONE
Susie
“Let’s take our love to new heights.”

Susie is a doll. And she’s about as excited about Clay-en as she is to ride for the first time in a helicopter. When the aircraft lands on a yacht in the middle of the ocean, all bets are off. This is officially one of the coolest dates E-V-E-R. 

Clayton is feeling Susie’s energy. He likes that she’s genuine and humble. She’s funny and doesn’t take herself too seriously, yet she is confident in who she is as a person. And Susie’s grin is downright adorable. Her dimples match his dimples! 

At dinner that night, she shares a bit about her family and how her dad got really sick recently, almost succumbing to organ failure. He spent a significant amount of time in the ICU, and Susie truly admired her mother’s adoration, having not left her father’s side the entire time. 

Susie wants that kind of love. So does Clayton. And so does Canadian country music artist Amanda Jordan who sang her hit song, “I Choose You,” as our couple swayed and kissed. 

Susie is going to go far. But I don’t think Susie will be the last woman standing. 

GROUP DATE TWO

My favorite part of the entire episode was Cassidy coaching Shanae on being a competitor in the game known as The Bachelor. Cassidy warns Shanae that she can’t let anything stand in the way of her and that rose. Shanae must be bold and run the date on her terms. 

It’s too bad Cassidy didn’t give Shanae more specific instructions because a tiny blonde woman named Elizabeth stood between Shanae and the rose. Sadly, Elizabeth had no idea she was a roadblock. As a result, she botched her chance to find love just because she ended up accidentally sitting next to our bachelor during the “getting to know you” portion of the group date. 

A famous comedian named Ziwe walks the women through a series of questions that are supposed to unveil red flags in relationships. It’s a classroom setting, so the women file in one by one. As any kiss-butt would, Shanae takes a seat at the head of the class and fails to realize that Clay-en will be sitting in as well. By process of elimination, Elizabeth sits to his right, across from a seething Shanae. 

Ziwe asks if anyone has sent a nude photo, faked an orgasm, cheated on a boyfriend, or felt judged by another woman in the house. Shanae’s “I have” paddle whips in the air. Ziwe calls her out, and for some unknown, unfortunate reason, this ends in Shanae renaming herself Shanae Nae before attempting to whip and nae nae

This was Shanae attempting to be bold as her sensei instructed. Spoiler: No one cared, and it was pretty embarrassing. I ended up behind a couch cushion. 

After the classroom red flag exercise, Ziwe makes all the ladies change into white sports bras and tiny shorts. Then they have to slide through some goo, drink a jug of milk, hop through a red bog of liquid on what looked like pieces of toast, and then bust through a wall to Jump & Straddle™ Clay-en on the other side. 

Let the record show that half the women allowed the milk to dribble down their fronts. The rule followers were left in the dust on that event. I’d also like to point out that Shanae literally pushes Elizabeth off a piece of floating toast so she can move ahead. This will be an important detail later. 

Baby Sarah wins the race and some super special alone time with Clay-en. They share a bottle of champagne on the roaming bench traditionally slated for important talks after hometown dates or rejections. 

Later that night, Shanae is once again livid that Elizabeth had the audacity to speak to the bachelor before her. The nerve. The only logical thing to do is tell Clay-en that Elizabeth is two-faced and not here for the right reasons. Clay-en bumbles over to Elizabeth to set the record straight, and Elizabeth manages to keep her jaw from falling all the way open in shock. 

Then Elizabeth leans over to Shanae, asking for a quick word. Shanae is on the defense, and one-hundred-percent believes that Elizabeth ignored her once upon a time. And that’s just NOT okay. Somehow, Elizabeth doesn’t cold cock Shanae with a hairbrush and instead apologizes that she felt invisible. Elizabeth blames the moment on her ADHD, claiming that it’s hard for her to listen to more than one person at a time. 

This is unacceptable to Shanae. She thought they were friends! But Elizabeth is a mean girl who wears pink on Wednesdays. 

Elizabeth: “If you thought we were friends, why did you push me on the toast today?” 
Lincee: “TOUCHÉ!”

Elizabeth is tired and ends the conversation (that is going nowhere) as diplomatically as possible. Then she sort of cries when Clay-en hands the date rose to Baby Sarah. After Clayton leaves, the women wonder out loud if anything is going on with Elizabeth and Shanae. They argue about their argument, and Shanae tells the group that Elizabeth blames her lousy behavior on ADHD, which is a crock.

Suddenly, claws begin to come out because one woman has just announced another woman’s mental health status on national television. Shanae is going down!

ROSE CEREMONY

My second favorite part of the episode is with Sensei Cassidy and Shanae once again. It’s evident that rumors have swirled around the mansion about Shanae’s poor behavior on the group date. Cassidy chastises her protégé that it was a dumb move for her to get in a fight with someone. She needs to be an ordinary bad girl — not a straight-up villain. 

Villains are targeted by the townsfolk with pitchforks. You can’t quickly bounce back from that label. This is why Cassidy suddenly puts a ton of space between her and Shanae Nae. Especially when Elizabeth’s mental health is presented to a brand new set of women at the cocktail party. 

Cassidy chooses an odd tactic (in my opinion) to switch subjects from Shanae Nae’s evil ways. She broadcasts her “relationship status” with Clay-en to anyone with ears to hear as she waves her long-stemmed red rose from side to side.

Cassidy: “Clay-en told me that my boldness and assertiveness is a turn-on.”
Lincee: “No, he didn’t.”

Cassidy: “He said my unrelenting pursuit was hot.”
Lincee: “No, he didn’t.”

Cassidy’s braggadocios pronouncement backfires in her tipsy face. Sierra feels compelled to tell Clayton the dark, dirty secret Cassidy has been harboring for the 24-hours she has known her fellow contestant. She tells the camera that if she just stands by and allows Cassidy to pull the wool over Clay-en’s eyes, then she (Sierra) is part of the problem. 

Sierra: “I thought you should know that earlier today, Cassidy told me that she has a BLEEP buddy. They FaceTimed the day before she met you and planned to watch the show together when she got back. They are friends with benefits, and he wants to do nasty things with her.”

Lincee to Lara: “Did she just say that Cassidy’s side piece wants to do nasty things with her?”
Lara: “Yes. Yes, she did.”

Lincee: “I love this show.”
Lara: “Me too.”

Clayton is unable to form a sentence after his exchange with Sierra. While he processes, Sierra quickly tells Cassidy that she informed Clay-en about her friends with benefits. 

Cassidy, being Cassidy, takes it all in stride. She has a rose. Clay-en likes her. She likes Clay-en. What’s the big deal? She owns this mansion and will unhinge her jaw and swallow anyone whole who gets in her way, including glittery-skinned women with impressive afros. 

Meanwhile, Clayton sends up the bat signal, and a confused Uncle Jesse is summoned to the fire pit on the mansion’s back porch. Clayton wants to know if one can retract a rose one has already bestowed a potential love interest. 

The scene fades to black as Uncle Jesse’s shoulders raise in ignorant bliss. 

Photo By: abc.com
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January 12, 2022 3:38 pm

1overturn

Karen
Karen
January 12, 2022 3:40 pm

Great recap! I love Susie too. She is way out of Clayton’s league though. I hope she goes far enough to be the next Bachelorette. I think her energy would be great for that.

Grace
Grace
January 12, 2022 6:00 pm

Excellent recap as always. I enjoy the show, but you are what makes it great! (Love the aside to Lara)

Mollie A
Mollie A
January 12, 2022 7:27 pm

Did anyone else see the near fail on Shenae’s jump and straddle at the beginning of the group date?

Great recap, Lincee! Thank you for putting it together. Hope you feel better.

JimJ
JimJ
January 12, 2022 11:21 pm

JimJ

Kelli
Kelli
January 13, 2022 9:42 am

Perfect recap!! But I did want to add one scene–where Shanae tells Elizabeth that she told her (Shanae) that she loved her. Did anyone else yell ROLL TAPE!!! Because she most certainly did not say that.

I hope you are continuing to recover–Bach Nation isn’t the same without your recaps!!

Betty
Betty
January 13, 2022 10:47 am

“Clayton bumbles….” is what this whole season could be called. I love these recaps, Lincee, and can’t wait to hear this week’s podcast. Your writing and your back and forth with Some Guy is comedy gold.

Shannon
Shannon
January 13, 2022 11:09 am

So hard to watch when every other word is “like”

Lisa
Lisa
January 13, 2022 12:08 pm

“Clay-en”! Omigosh! Why have girls started dropping the T out of words? Excellent recap, as always! My new favorite expression is “ licked the spoon from the crazy batter”!

Libby
Libby
January 13, 2022 1:47 pm
Reply to  Lisa

That’s just how some people talk? No one has “started” doing anything. Lincee made a thing about this on Colton’s season too.

DonnaMarie
DonnaMarie
January 13, 2022 2:28 pm
Reply to  Lisa

I agree! It’s so annoying! Just like “imporant” and “impordant!”

Libby
Libby
January 13, 2022 2:03 pm

I love the drama-filled mess this season is turning into. Love a mature love story like Michelle’s, but a messy season is it’s own kind of entertainment.

As much as I don’t particularly like Cassidy, I’m a little peeved at everyone making a big deal about her having a friend with benefits back home. I’m sure most of these girls (except Teddi, obvs) also have people they can text “U up?” to when they’re feeling like having company. It’s 2022, women are allowed to have sex for fun if they’re not in a relationship. If Clayton retracts her rose because a girl has had sex before, I will find that pretty disappointing.

Also, Lincee, I’m sorry but I don’t get the Clay-en thing. It’s just how some people talk. Maybe it’s regional or generational, I don’t know, but I didn’t notice it until you pointed it out and realized that I pronounce it that way too (I’m a millennial from the northeast, idk if that has anything to do with it or not). I remember during Colton’s season it took forever for me to even get what you meant. Criticizing people for not fully enunciating the T sounds like something my elementary school teacher grandma would do. Like, girl, you’re from Texas. I’m sure there are some ways you pronounce things that would sound funny to me but I’m not going to give you shit for it. Not trying to throw shade, just defending myself and my fellow T-skippers.

DonnaMarie
DonnaMarie
January 13, 2022 2:36 pm
Reply to  Libby

If he retracts her rose it won’t be because she’s had sex, it’s because it shows that she wasn’t invested in meeting him and possibly getting engaged to him if she had to have a booty call the night before she left.

Libby
Libby
January 13, 2022 2:43 pm
Reply to  DonnaMarie

Why on earth would she be invested in getting engaged to someone she’d literally never even heard of before? Michelle’s season hadn’t aired yet. A person can absolutely have a f— buddy and also be excited to meet someone new. There’s a reason he’s a f— buddy and not a boyfriend.

Evangeline East
Evangeline East
January 14, 2022 3:18 am
Reply to  DonnaMarie

And bragged about it!! Is this Cassidy?

Grace
Grace
January 14, 2022 10:11 am
Reply to  Libby

saying clay-en or liberry does not make it right – also you are obviously confused. This is Lincee’s blog and she is welcome to say whatever she pleases – usually just to get us to laugh. Go away

Libby
Libby
January 14, 2022 12:31 pm
Reply to  Grace

Wow how nice and kind you are. Of course Lincee is welcome to say what she pleases, and she also opens her posts and welcomes readers to comment, and I was under the impression that was so readers could express their reactions to her content. I know I’m not the only one who feels the same way I do because I’ve talked to several other friends who read her blog who also think it’s a weird joke to keep making over and over, and if I were a blogger who was unknowingly alienating a portion of my readership, I would like to be told about it. I was not rude or unkind in the way I said it (as opposed to you. “Go away”? Really? Are you a child?). Also, saying “liberry” instead of library isn’t the same thing because that’s straight up mispronunciation, not the result of regional dialect. Glottalization of the t in “Clayton” or “important” IS still pronouncing the T, just in a different way, so it isn’t technically a mispronunciation (look up T-glottalization, yes that’s the technical term for it).

It’s fascinating how dialects and pronunciations vary across the country. I’m sure there are things you say that would sound “incorrect” to me. Judging by your comment I’m going to say proper grammar and punctuation aren’t big for you, and that’s okay, because it’s a comment on a blog post, not a PhD dissertation. The implication that these girls are dumber because they pronounce Clayton’s name the way they do would be the same as me saying that someone is dumber because they have a southern drawl (which I’m guessing a lot of folks who read this blog do, and likely our Texas girl Lincee herself), which would be an absurd thing for me to say. Unless you’re over there speaking the Queen’s English, no one speaks entirely “correctly” (though you probably hate British accents too I guess, since the Bri’ish also like to glottalize their T’s). It’s just a weird thing to make fun of when so many people do it. I had no intention to insult, just sharing my opinion and am open to discussion.

Dee
Dee
January 13, 2022 2:44 pm

I was looking forward to this season but have been pretty disappointed so far. Clayton is just kind of “meh.” I don’t know if they bought some new mac daddy mics, but the kissing noises are just gross. Everyone says “like” CONSTANTLY, and the girls all look alike so it’s confusing and annoying. Having said all of that, I am doing a cleanse and pretty much hate everything right now, so maybe I am just hyper-sensitive. LOVE your recaps Lincee!

Shannon
Shannon
January 13, 2022 10:52 pm
Reply to  Dee

I agree, the kissing is so cringy I have to look away ugh

Last edited 7 days ago by Shannon
Libby
Libby
January 14, 2022 12:32 pm
Reply to  Dee

The mouth sounds are extra bad this season and I can’t stand it.

Dori
Dori
January 18, 2022 2:40 pm
Reply to  Dee

Totally agree with you! Clayton is so boring and all the loud, in-your-face, smacky kissing this season feels just cringeworthy. There is definitely fast forwarding happening when I watch these episodes! Still so disappointed in the choice of Clayton for bachelor this season overall. I’d be curious to see what went into the decision-making process there . . .

Laura Jean
January 15, 2022 1:52 am

Well done, Linsee. This reminds me of the heyday of the Bachelor show and, therefore, commentary. I am back as a consistent reader after this!! Really, really great stuff.

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