Bachelorette Michelle Recap | Finale

It’s happening, people. Michelle has found her soulmate. Or her soul-Nayte, if you will. Even though there was a sliver of a moment that I thought Brandon might just pull this one off, everyone’s favorite baby-faced bachelor didn’t tick the win column this go around.

Was the finale boring? A bit. Did it haven’t moments of shock and awe? Absolutely.

Instead of ticking through all the minute details, I’ve put together a handy bullet list of everything you need to know about Michelle’s finale. Although I did predict she would end up with the tall, handsome, baddish boy (is baddish a word?), there were a few gems that are too good not to mention. Enjoy!

• Kaitlyn had to handle all three hours of the “live” finale solo. Tayshia was exposed to COVID and practiced caution. Who thinks she’s quarantining with Joe, the light-skinned baller besides me?
• Bachelorettes still journal in their beds on their final few days as non-engaged women. 
• When Brandon meets Michelle’s family for a second time, he gifts Mr. Young a new pair of swim trunks. This made me so happy. 
• Mr. Young thinks Brandon reminds him of himself. That is HUGE. Mrs. Young is ecstatic that Brandon has no hesitations about moving to Minnesota tomorrow. She even kisses Brandon on the cheek like a future son-in-law. Ouch.
• Nayte royally fails to communicate with Michelle’s family. In every way possible. This is detrimental, considering Mrs. Young is currently knitting Brandon a stocking for the mantle, just in time for Christmas. 
• Mr. Young thinks Nayte has a “different vibe.” He uses the term “warmth” when describing Brandon. However, he does not feel Nayte is ready to move to Minnesota. Why? Because when he asked him point blank, Nayte’s response was, “I don’t know.”
• Angela, Michelle’s sister, continues this train of interrogation. Will he move to Minnesota from Texas? Nayte makes sure Angela knows that he’s all about the adventures and is ready to live life with Michelle. Awesome! Also, you didn’t answer the question.
• Through teary eyes, Mrs. Young tells her sweet daughter that Nayte is not ready for an engagement. He says the right things, but there isn’t any emotion behind his words, unlike Brandon, who flings his everywhere. Michelle cries when she hears that her parents aren’t fully on board with Nayte. 
• In Mexico, Michelle rides jet skis with Brandon, who has probably never been in an ocean before. They kiss for hours and talk about how life is perfect. Brandon tells her once every sixty seconds that he’s in love with her and will put her first, come what may.
• That night, Brandon gifts Michelle with his favorite sweatshirt. It’s from their fantasy suite food fight. It’s his favorite moment with her, besides every other one in existence. 
• Michelle tells Brandon she loves him. He beams. This is the moment Brandon thinks he’s sealed the deal. 
• The next day, Michelle makes Nayte see a shaman named Raul. Through a thick fog of sage, Nayte is encouraged to open up, even if it’s hard. Shaman Raul is certain Nayte’s emotions are blocked. Finally, Nayte realizes that this is Michelle’s way of telling him that he better start feeling it up, or he might lose her. 
• Nayte takes this information and tells Michelle that night, “There’s a side of me that thinks about losing you, as soon as later this week, and I think it would suck.” 
• Perhaps Michelle’s mom can needlepoint that onto a pillow.
• Nayte came to the resort with only two suits. That’s how “in this” he was from the beginning. Is this a compliment? Michelle thinks so. 
• Nayte tells Michelle he’s crazy about her before adding the caveat that all he does is think about life with her. It’s scary to think she may be gone soon. But he’s ready to get down on one knee. 
• This is enough for Michelle. Nayte is the one. He’s her man. They are going to be tall and gorgeous together. 
• On the other hand, we have Brandon to deal with at the Home Depot proposal pedestal. When Michelle lets him down quickly, we see that little babyface in shock. Then when she walks him to the bottom of the stairs, forcing him to scale a mountain heartbroken, she hugs him tightly, and Brandon loses it. EMOTIONS. TEARS. UGLY CRYING. PAIN. CONFUSION. SHOCK. I’ve never seen a goodbye this intense. 
• Brandon pretends to throw his Neil Lane ring into the angry sea. Kudos to the old guy with the metal detector who finds that bad boy later this week!
• During After the Final Rose, Brandon seems legitimately fine. When Kaitlyn asks him if he’s over Michelle, he’s too nice to say yes. Instead, he opts for respect and wishes her nothing but happiness with Nayte. 
• As far as Michelle and Nayte go, they are happily in love and about to move in together. The Youngs love Nayte, and he makes sure we know that he is indeed moving to Minnesota. Never fear. Michelle can stay near her students and make dreams come true one historical book report at a time. 
• In shocking news, ABC producers gift Michelle and Nayte a down payment on their first house together. Rumor has it that it is a cool $200,000, which is way better than an all-expense-paid trip back to the resort for a holiday getaway. Methinks ABC really wants these two crazy kids to make it. Will they?

And finally, Kaitlyn makes our  new Bachelor Clayton read mean Tweets about himself. It was humiliating, and I was not fond of it at all. It made me sad for him. It had to hurt his feelings, so I am officially rooting for Clayton to find love come January 3. Will you be watching?